Together

[young relic]

A beetle scurries
under the bark
dead in the heart
Of interconnected tunnels

The woodpecker stabs the tree
For the beetle underneath
Like threading a needle in the dark
It knock knock knocks for its meal

A beaver gnaws down the tree
With iron orange teeth
The log is dragged to a dam
To halt the river to form a pond

A duck glides on the pond
weighing nothing at all
Like a ballerina
While the fox waits on the shore

Time ages the fox
It goes to sleep one last time
As it rots, it coaxes out the beetle
Who feeds on the dead.

[prime ridge]

I love how you form and create a picture in the mind so easily and make it come alive with your words. I can see the beetle, the duck, the beaver, the fox and I can hear the woodpecker. It's really good. I also liked how you came back to focus on the beetle. I'm sure there was a name for that ( I forgot). I'm not a poet so I can't uncover the meaning of all symbolisms, but i can tell you i enjoyed reading your poem. Loved the words you chose to describe each animal and what they are doing, such as the " iron orange teeth" of the beaver, suggesting how strong it is. Or how you described the lightness of the duck with how it " glides" and " weighing nothing at all" and comparing it to a "ballerina". Or the use of "stab" for the woodpecker, really made the scene come alive. I loved the use of " knock, knock, knocks", made the poem really came alive too, it was also satisfying to hear. Yeah, overall, really cool poem

[young relic]

Thank you for the amazing feedback! Not just saying that because it’s positive but you really dug in there. Thank you.

Also beavers have orange teeth due to the amount of iron in them.
I’m a nerd for beavers 🦫

[prime ridge]

I tried my best. Yo I didnt know thats why the teeth are yello! :0 Beavers are cute <3

The fox part confuses me a bit. Is the memory of the fox waiting near the shore line from the past? It sounds like there is a time jump to the future after that "Time ages the fox". If here it is in the far future where the fox is grey and old, does that mean it died from old age? Or did it die from starvation too, as it was waiting on the shore, rather than eatting a duck. Additionally, if its in the future, does that mean the beetle that crept into it's corpse a decendant of the beetle you meet in the first part? Or is it the same one? If it is the same one, then it must be tough for surviving being in a tree that toppled down. Anyway, its still really good. Perhaps I'm not meant to know. I'm guessing it died of old age and possibly starvation too. I guess i just really wanna know what the fox was like back then. There's mystery.

[young relic]

That’s a very good point about the beetle. I saw an opportunity to bring it back to the beetle and jumped on it. In my head I was thinking that it wasn’t the same beetle. Nor are any of the animals, tree, or structures specific characters. Like they are the royal we of beetles.

It’s not a specific beetle but all beetles, all woodpeckers, all beavers, etc. I guess it could be a descendant of the original beetle. Hmmm…

I could off the fox a different way or reach another dead animal for the beetle to feed on. Something for me to consider in revision.

Thank you!

[prime ridge]

Aaah I see now, I did feel like they weren't connected, like the two times that a tree is mentioned, those are not the same one, and each animal and creature is their own, than connected in some plot to each other. I see now, so you're talking about all beetles, and woodpeckers, and beavers etc. Like painting a picture of a forest and pond. This is such a cool poem, I like the topic. I personally really love nature. What inspired it? Are you describing a place dear to you? Wishing you good luck!

Woah! Are you talking about Goliathus Regius Beetle? ( showed up after I searched up royal we of beetles) It's so pretty

[young relic]

I wrote it for fun based on a prompt from a FB private poetry group.

The prompt was to write a poem inspired by the word “Purpose”

[prime ridge]

mhmm

[young relic]

I didn’t know about that beetle but “the royal we” is when someone says “we” instead of “I” like a king.

[prime ridge]

ah sorry, english is my second language

[young relic]

I looked up the beetle and it looks awesome.

It’s inspiring a different idea I have for another project I’m wanting to work on.

[prime ridge]

Do you have a page where I can read your poems? Or perhaps you have book of selected poems of your own? I'm curious.

[young relic]

I am working on a book of poetry on my experience with mental health/grief. So far I have 78 pages in my first draft.

I’m planning on self publishing it through Amazon.

[prime ridge]

I'll remember your name, so I can read your poetry when you publish. Rooting for your success and health Martin! Stay strong, and keep going

[exotic gyro]

I actually adore the circular imagery of the poem, where it mimics the actual food cycle of the animals it's portraying, it all flows so naturally off the tongue.

I can really see everything you're describing so well thanks to how clear you can paint that image, genuinely great stuff.

[young relic]

Thank you. Much appreciated, friend.

[feral condor]

Wonderful! @young relic has just progressed to level 4!

[solid plume]

lovely comment

[solid plume]

also didn’t know that about beavers, i thought their teeth would be yellow

[solid plume]

also it’s so funny u said “i could off the fox a diff way” lolll

and insightful the prompt for this poem was “purpose

all in all i wanted to make sure i read everyone else’s feedback, before i said anything, to gain better idea of the poem yk

I quite like this poem, I especially like how you change the structure to suit the animal, like the beetle’s stanza at the start is very quickly paced, short lines, enjabment, i would prefer the Of in that fourth line to be lowercase, since I liked how it reads run-on. up to you of course. I think the woodpecker stanza could be more “stabby”, maybe by using meter? iambic or even trochaic, meter is a good way to convey like a sharp emotion, it’s nice how it is too, the beaver gnawing, using the word iron, and dragged, is really good, liked it. duck gliding and the enjambment there is great, again would like “Like a ballerina” to be a part of that so lowercase? i see now that you intend to uppercase when you are moving on, I like the last stanza and how the poem concludes, i do want to know if there’s a way you could describe the fox aging, in a way that describes the nature of it? i feel that would close it up slightly nicer, i.e, the way its fur turns grey or however foxes decompose, even one word that refers to how foxes genuinely age, would be nice

.
overall loved it thanks for showing me and good luck martin!!!