#drowned in dead fantasy

9 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

brittle elm
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I tell myself I'm okay, I tell myself I'm fine,
but no— every touch burns and screams his name,
but I'll be okay I just have to keep rehearsing this line,
and maybe then it won't have to feel like a sick game.

I'm tired, fkn exhausted by breathing,
and I know it's stupid because I'm still living,
yeah others have it worse, I get it okay! but fk everything,
but why does the everything feel like nothing.

who knew a man that isn't in my life anymore,
could have so much power, so much fkn control—
that I'm still replaying his words from before,
and it's dumb I know but I forgot my purpose, my goal.

it's already empty, already full of shi from back then,
and all I do now is just find ways to get lost in ecstasy—
but I fail and fail as guilt pulls me back when..
and my body is like a rusty old blanket covered in dead fantasy.

it is written by one of my friend, she told me to post.

red oasis
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She needs to learn meter

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All if this will sounds better with some meter

buoyant oxide
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She needs to learn a lot, the poem reads terrible, pace yourself, don’t just write, express your pain, don’t just say it

red oasis
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It's good that she uses things like "touch burns and scream", all of this sensoric is good for poetry I think. Emotions is good but still poetry it's a form for writing something and your emotions are supposed to be packed in a poetry form

buoyant oxide
brittle elm
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@agile latch

agile latch
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yeah I can see the meter problem but other than that it's okay