"Prey"

[cedar nacelle]

Poke at me,
prod my emotions
Treat me like a toy
And i will pretend
like the love you shared
Was never just a ploy

I know what you came for
To steal my life away
To cause my tears and hate
And i know that the love
You hung up on a rod
Was just your devilish bait

No worry no more
No emotions in me
None left for you to play
Reel your rod right out
Hide your love inside
For now i know
That the bait on your line
Was just looking for its prey

-A.G.

@spare swan

[north gyro]

This is how my bullies treat me

[cedar nacelle]

I'm sorry! This was written about my mother actually lol

[flat star]

*I'm sorry! This was

written about my mother

actually lol*

- 1122abby3344

[wild whale]

Good, I can feel the emotion behind, word choice could be better, but using simpler words is also good enough.

[cedar nacelle]

alright thank you! i'll work on the wording a bit, any other feedback?

[wild whale]

Nothing, you are just starting to write, you'll get the hang of it, so keep writing.

[cedar nacelle]

<3 if you'd like you could read some of my other poems

here's my anthology in case you'd like to check my poetry out

#1449808962877788382

[wild whale]

I will check it out later.

[cedar nacelle]

do you have any poems posted?

[north gyro]

Oooof I'm srry

[sweet lily]

WAIT! A NO PUNCTUATION POEM!
SO DOPE!

The poem is great! The pacing works great!
I like the rhythm a lot!!!!

[cedar nacelle]

thank you! any advice?

[sweet lily]

Well, if you want harsh criticism, then I guess,
Some lines are cliché, like "treat me like a toy"
The starting of the poem should grab the reader, but it dosent do that well.

"To cause my tears and hate" the to is unnecessary.

"You hung up on a rod
Was just your devlish bait"
Cool line but could work from syntax correction .

The arc is well established so no problem in that

[cedar nacelle]

okay! i will work on those lines, thank you so much!

[sweet lily]

White writing no punctuation poems you usually have to keep no pauses, like it should be flowy, so i guess more repetition, some refrain, some contrast could also smoothen the poem!

[cedar nacelle]

this is very helpful :)

[sweet lily]

Glad i could help 😊

[cedar nacelle]

could i maybe have some help with some of my other poetry if you can?

[sweet lily]

Yeah!! You can ping me I'll read them later probably in a day and will try to give some feedback hehehe

[cedar nacelle]

is it okay if i ping you for a poem that talks about suicide or no?

[sweet lily]

Nooo! Please avoid self harm, suicidal, self hate topics I have a bad history with that stuff

[cedar nacelle]

alright sorry!