tribal fjord
Wow. This is so raw and well written.
The literal only suggestion I have is, in the 3rd stanza, change "i nod" (perhaps) to something like to "I disocciate"
The verb dissociate has more of a fed up mentality, and feelings of wanting to escape.
And finally, in the second to last stanza, change the world 'dissolve' to a word more used for roads - such as stretches, the metaphor for a never ending fight, which I think fits your imagery perfectly.
candid brook
I think maybe if I had to give you some advice I would advise you to work work more on the development. I really love your storytelling here tho and I think it’s a wonderful poem
shell kiln
Wow. This is so raw and well written.
The literal only suggestion I have is, i...
Thank you so much for the feedback, I really appreciate that. Both changes feel like an improvement to me. 