Finally Home

[spiral egret]

Always a fighter, never stood back,
But over the years, I lost my track.
Fought through battles much bigger than me,
Just to be happy how hard could it be?

I almost gave up, accepted my fate,
Then there was you, so broken, yet brave.
Life was never the same, I must make it clear,
You took my sadness and melted my fear.
I fell in love, I couldn’t resist,
Never more grateful just to exist.

To feel your love, to be your man,
Is reason enough to love life again.
Forever I'll cherish the day you came,
Through sunshine and storm, I'll stay the same.

I will always love you, I hope that you know,
For in your arms, I’m finally home.

[torn raven]

It is beautiful, hope to find a love like that one day ♡

[spiral egret]

Thank you so much for your Feedback, and best of luck for that goal ❤️

[spiral egret]

@agile musk since you said to tag you on other poems as well, here you go. I hope you enjoy this one as well !

[agile musk]

Again great work on your rhymes, it’s so difficult to make it feel natural but you succeed at that! “Life was never the same…” feels like the weakest line in the poem. Maybe introduce some more conflict. How does this love endure a hard time? Does it stagger, or fight back, or remain still? Again really enjoy your poetry, great work 🙂

[nova sand]

Wonderful! @agile musk has just progressed to level 4!

[spiral egret]

Thanks man ! I really enjoy doing this kind of poetry, short and with an emphasis on rhythm and rhyme. Just sketching out ideas and then really focusing on every sentence, and it's purpose in the poem, and trying to be expressive without using too many words. I also really like your suggestion, I think I will revisit my poems now that I've gotten feedback and write down some points to improve on to try and take away as much as possible from sharing them

[glossy aspen]

Aww this is so romantic !
Love the flow and rhythmic aspect of the poem.

[spiral egret]

Thanks a lot !

[minor furnace]

Love this poem!

❤️

[spiral egret]

Means a lot, thank you 💙

[glossy aspen]

Always a fighter, never stood back,
But over the years, I lost my track.
Fought through battles much bigger than me,
Just to be happy how hard could it be?

I almost gave up, accepted my fate,
Then there was you, so broken, yet brave.
Life was never the same, I must make it clear,
You took my sadness and melted my fear.
I fell in love, I couldn’t resist,
Never more grateful just to exist.

To feel your love, to be your man,
Is reason enough to love life again.
Forever I'll cherish the day you came,
Through sunshine and storm, I'll stay the same.

I will always love you, I hope that you know,
For in your arms, I’m finally home.

@spiral egret you could always stanza it off like this so ppl can follow the change in perspectives and thoughts

If that makes sense ?

[spiral egret]

Yeah I think I get what you mean, so basically every time the momentum "shifts" so the speak and there is a change like so:
[Talking about past]

[talking about finding someone]

[How does it feel]

[final]

I should group it visually so it makes more of an impact to the reader, correct ?

[nova sand]

Wonderful! @spiral egret has just progressed to level 2!

[glossy aspen]

Yeah exactly !

[spiral egret]

I'm gonna go ahead and do this right now thank you so much for going the extra mile and pointing that out 💙

@glossy aspen done and I have to say it makes much more of a difference then I thought when writing it

[glossy aspen]

Aww yeah that looks loads better

[minor furnace]

Happy writing 👋

[nova sand]

Wonderful! @minor furnace has just progressed to level 1!

[spiral egret]

Same goes for you, whatever you may be working on !

[glossy aspen]

Remember when you write a poem, reread it as if you've never read or seen the poem, see if you can tell when the shifts occur. If you can't- then stanzas become a good idea