I sit here in school,
rushing to let these words escape me,
so my heart may finally find a place to rest.
I write so I do not forget
the beloved who lives quietly in my chest.
All my life
I longed to taste the truth of love.
But whenever I looked at a girl
and thought I felt something,
It was only lust
lust dressed as romance,
deceiving a boy who had never known anything real.
Yet in my teenage years
I saw a girl who changed the rhythm of my heart.
I ignored that feeling,
forcing myself to like someone else instead.
But the heart rejects illusions,
I felt nothing for the other girl.
My heart conquered my will,
And I found myself in awe of the first one.
At first, I believed this feeling
was no different from the others
until I saw her again
and the shadows of desire faded.
My heart whispered to me,
softly, fiercely:
“Protect her. She is the girl you were meant to protect.”
But she lived in a world far from mine.
Three long years have passed since then,
and somehow
We now walk the hallways of the same high school.
My heart stayed loyal,
even as lust tried to drag me
into its familiar darkness.
So I told myself again and again
that I didn’t like her.
I forced that lie into my mind for months,
and it nearly drove me mad.
But today I saw her again.
And my heart
my stubborn, wounded heart
blossomed.
It felt as if my soul slipped away from Sweden
and travelled to the land of Denusia,
where wonders grow like flowers
and love breathes openly.
She reminded me of that girl from the story
her beauty unmatched,
her eyes dancing like the night.
But standing there,
watching her from a distance,
I knew she would never be mine.
So I write, to lighten the weight inside me,
to understand myself,
to breathe without drowning.