Euphoric ruin

[versed haven]

@toxic tree has sent a notification! - @bitter hound @olive narwhal @alpine gazelle @raw temple @brazen raptor @empty arrow @peak lava @worthy copper @fervent shore @dusty rune @sour acorn @noble grail @jolly spear @copper skiff @cloud oasis @robust path @obsidian prism @north radish @broken epoch @velvet wing @night fulcrum @random tapir @median jewel @empty patrol @ashen solar @twilit reef @spiral trench @bitter remnant @wet field @rose bone @tranquil fern @frigid meadow @hollow cave @harsh kettle @frozen owl

[ashen solar]

Helo

Check cat leads

[toxic tree]

yesh

[toxic tree]

wait gurlll I left that srvr lolz

[ashen solar]

Noooooooo

Whyyy?

[toxic tree]

I js did it I planned to give u my cats and forgot

[toxic tree]

it had too much inappropriate language for me

js a me thing

[ashen solar]

Yeah right

Ur very right

But i gotta stick there for the cats

[toxic tree]

de way u sacrifice for ur cats is beautiful girl

lolz

[ashen solar]

Lol

I want a new serv tbh

More friends yk?

Aslo i could make a role for cat nation or car nation and ppl could be part of my nation

Just a fun little dream

[toxic tree]

oooo

[toxic tree]

realll

[toxic tree]

u shudd

make ur own server lolz

and add all ur friends

[ashen solar]

Nahhh idk enough ppl

[ashen solar]

Hahah lol

If u co with me maybe

[toxic tree]

ofccccc

[ashen solar]

WHAT FR?

[toxic tree]

ima add a lot lolz

[ashen solar]

YAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYA

[toxic tree]

@viral delta @quartz cliff @pure fractal

[toxic tree]

OFCCC

BUH

[ashen solar]

OMG YAYAYYYY

[toxic tree]

I won't be online often cuz finals abt to starr

[ashen solar]

Lol

I just finished finals

Get u tho

[toxic tree]

FR???

[ashen solar]

YEPPY

[toxic tree]

ima graduate lolz

I finally won't see de dum teachers

some ones

[dapper raft]

That one got me thinkin "sheeeesh" I know this one came from the heart

[toxic tree]

oh yeah ||I was crying while writing this lmao||

thank you so muchhh

[ashen solar]

Noooooo

[dapper raft]

I bet, its perfectly alright, you did amazing

[toxic tree]

yerrrr it's fine I was having an emotional day

[toxic tree]

thank youu

[toxic tree]

wot do u think of the poem

[viral delta]

ACKK YAS SLAY

[toxic tree]

AWHHH THANK YOUU

[ashen solar]

Kehe i wanna give detailed review so ill do it in like 10 mins or som

[toxic tree]

awhhhh that means a lot thank youuu

[ashen solar]

Ofc girly

Ill try 200 words or more

Might fail but thought that counts

[toxic tree]

woahhh u gonna make my dayy

[toxic tree]

it will

[ashen solar]

No no lollllll

[toxic tree]

ima be very happy

[ashen solar]

Ur gonna make me blush lol

[toxic tree]

no like reallyyy

love that long feedbacks

[ashen solar]

Lolll

[toxic tree]

<@&1145760802666717234> <@&1144090752457113794>

[dapper raft]

Ephoric Ruin is such a crazy powerful title as well, I immediately was like "woah what this bout?"

[toxic tree]

yhh it's like love that destroys and heals at the same time

[dapper raft]

The most tragic kind indeed

[clever plume]

Wonderful! @dapper raft has just progressed to level 4!

[dapper raft]

look at me leveling up from being all poetic 😂

[ashen solar]

Thats poetic

[toxic tree]

lolz

@fast comet hoii

[fast comet]

HIII

ill read soon

got some hw

[toxic tree]

ofcc

[ashen solar]

Darn

I dont wanna play the cat game without competition

Its what makes it fum

[toxic tree]

reallll

u got no competition now?

[ashen solar]

Not rly

I mean storm steals some

But im miles ahead

[toxic tree]

lolz

ouhh

[ashen solar]

Js not fun anymore

[toxic tree]

ouh

sad

[ashen solar]

Very 🥀

[toxic tree]

@thin girder

[thin girder]

BRAVO BRAVO

I LOVE IT

[toxic tree]

thank you so much

[ashen solar]

Ok so first i see the rhymes even tho idk the scheme. Id love to see more punctuation like ; but u have dashes and i don’t even use ; much. Ooo ok so the 7th stanza is rly good, the rhymes done feel forced at all. And the first 2 lines of the 8th stanza have good meter. Ok and for the last 2 lines r also rly good for ending, although a bit over used, it still sends it. You re using the word love a lot, which conveys well love- but a change would make it a bit more fresh, like affection, passion, fondness, adoration, treasure- giving ideas here- but it does use good repetition. You use i hate a lot- now in this case im not gonna say use another word but- u could use repetition of sentence starters: I hate the way… or i hate love everytime… -giving ideas here again. But all in all. A very emotional piece, i like it a lot

Woosh

I think its a mid review

But i hope it helps 🫶 ❤️

[toxic tree]

awhhh I'll think about that some other time while writing other poems thank youuu

[toxic tree]

definitely it made me smile thank you pooks

[ashen solar]

Kehehe i do the same lol

[toxic tree]

samesies lolz

[toxic tree]

@molten blaze @torpid monolith @feral moth

@clever parcel @heavy bramble @blazing heath

@lusty sinew @paper cairn @frigid zealot

@robust talon @cold plinth @solid swift

[frigid zealot]

great work bro 👏

[toxic tree]

thanksss would appreciate a star

[toxic tree]

@rose scarab

[rose scarab]

Oooo this is sad.

You said you want critiques and I got a couple 😉

In the first stanza, "that stops it's breaks" - stops it from breaking , makes more sense 😊

Also, the first half of the poem you hating that you love her, but the last stanza where you say "I won't ever deserve it" almost sounds like a different person is speaking. They've gone from resenting the life you hold, to wanting the love ?

[toxic tree]

no it's like me really loving a guy and I know I don't deserve his love his kindness and all but he still offered and I won't understand why he chose me out of everyone else so yer

hehe

thank you so much thooo

also how abt heals it's breaks

did dat

[rose scarab]

Ohh

[toxic tree]

yerrr

he's too perfect so I won't understand why he chose trash lolz

@lyric vine hi hiii could u leave some feedbacks plsss hehe

[toxic tree]

btw the hating that I love him is like cuz it's a push and pull thing I love that it's him I fell for but I hate the affect he has on me yk like how the chest aches js bc how badly u miss him and crying bc u can't be with him like that it's like dat pain

I hate how much I love him that's what I meant

bc no one expects to fall so deep lolz

[lyric vine]

Suree it my pleasure 🫶

[clever plume]

Wonderful! @lyric vine has just progressed to level 1!

[toxic tree]

thank youu

[lyric vine]

It's beautiful I especially love the last stanza and the ocean metaphor 🤌 just one thing if I had to nitpick "you're the one-
that heals it's breaks, " could be rephrased to be more clear

[toxic tree]

ouhh okay thank you so much thooo I'm glad u liked the other parts btw I'm writing a series and so far I posted two parts can I tag u

[lyric vine]

Yeahh why nottt pls tag me 😤💗

[toxic tree]

I LOVE YOU

hehe

[lyric vine]

I LOVE YOU TOO GURL😭🫂

[toxic tree]

https://tenor.com/view/cat-scottish-fold-jack-rose-flower-gif-3996635129264858038

[toxic tree]

also would appreciate a star thank youu

[lyric vine]

Sureee

[toxic tree]

btw wanna see a crazy messed up poem

[lyric vine]

Always up for a crazy messed up poems my fav genre 😤✋🏻

[toxic tree]

lmao I wrote a whole lot you'll be like woah prepare for a set of pings hehe

[lyric vine]

I'm all readyy 😤

[toxic tree]

@frail river feedback sir

[solid swift]

Masterpiece honestly

[toxic tree]

awhhh thank youu would appreciate a star

[solid swift]

Did- you were online???

[toxic tree]

yeap

wait a sec

[solid swift]

Mhm-?

[toxic tree]

okey online now

lols

[solid swift]

I'm so bored, imma go offline

[toxic tree]

alright

@obsidian prism

[obsidian prism]

already read this gang and this is fire

i love this poem bro

[toxic tree]

thanks a lott

[toxic tree]

@rugged token @high compass @neat kindle

hope y'all don't mind the pings

[paper cairn]

this is so sad but it heals at the same time

this ones is such a good one godddd ive written many of this kind toooo

[toxic tree]

tag meee

[strange stream]

Can someone critique mine please

[paper cairn]

not posted yetttt i jus havent been able to get the chance to

examssss

[toxic tree]

tag meee

[toxic tree]

oh rightttt I'll be waiting thennn

[strange stream]

Okki

[toxic tree]

@sly sleet

[sly sleet]

i love your repetition of “i hate it” like the rage and the pain is so visible in this and it’s genuinely gripping. the image of loving someone so intensely the ocean “forgets how to push tides” is fresh and feels like a heartbeat

[toxic tree]

thank you so muchhh

@blissful pawn

[frail river]

Easy to read, sounds nice, impactful subject.

Last stanza is my favorite.

---

Room for growth:

Despite all the things you did right, I was bored by much of the poem.

Many descriptions felt extremely generic and unilluminating.

For example, your second stanza

I hate how much
control your hands
have over my heart,
and I'm terrified,
it might tear me apart.

does not characterize your hate or terror in any detail, nor explore ways of resolving any conflict- any conflict between your hate and fear is not highlighted.

A minor rewrite brings that conflict into focus- which could be a step in the right direction:

I hate how much
control your hands
have over my heart,
but I'm terrified,
they might tear me apart.

[toxic tree]

OUHH

thank you so muchhhh

[strange stream]

@frail river can u take a look at two of mine?

[frail river]

It's 4am here but tag me, might not look till later

[strange stream]

Fine

[cold plinth]

“love doesn't knock, doesn't give a warning, love beats the clock.” shii this is so true. love doesn’t wait for you to be ready. it just shows up and rewires ur heart before you even know what’s happening🥹 “i hate love so much but i'd never regret, meeting you” this hit diff...yr not mad at them, ur mad at love itself for being this intense, this inescapable. but you’d do it all over again

[toxic tree]

YES THANK YOU .. AGAIN LOLZ CUZ DAT IS EXACTLY WHAT LOVE DOES AND U WANNA HATE IT BUH U CAN'T

sorry hehe

thank you tho

[cold plinth]

YEPP I CAN RELATE TO IT

[toxic tree]

I HOPE U DOING OKAYYY AND I'M ROOTING FOR YAAA

. ⣀⣤‌⣤⣤⣀ ⣀⣤⣤‌⣤‌⣀
⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣄⠀⠀⣠⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄
⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣧⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿
⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏
⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟
⢻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟
⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋
⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋
⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋
⠙⢿⡿⠋
︵ ‌ ︵
( ╲ / /
╲ ╲/ /
╲ ╲ /
╭ ͡ ╲ ╲
╭ ͡ ╲ ╲ ﾉ
╭ ͡ ╲ ╲ ╱
╲ ╲ ╱
╲ ╱
︶

[frozen owl]

This is so perfect, the volumes it speaks, and maybe cuz like this one feels relatable too, I love this one..
The lines “……your memories moments, silly things, and jt hurts.
Cause I don’t think, I’ll ever learn to let go” feels so real and relatable..
Truly one of the best

[toxic tree]

jazakallah khairannn thank you so muchh

[frozen owl]

While youu at it, can you give your thoughts on mine https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1440096440247386132
https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1439848783600156673

[toxic tree]

yeshhhh

gimme awhile cuz there's a lot lolz

[frozen owl]

Yeaa understandable

[toxic tree]

thanks

@humble adder

[rugged token]

You’re good lol, I’ll get into my review rn

Okay so the immediate thing I’m noticing is a large number of stops. Now this isn’t too horrible but if you wish to maintain a slow, deliberate reading there are ways to do that without so many commas. Another thing is your use of dashes. I’ve noticed you use them quite frequently in places where I believe they just aren’t necessary. Don’t feel like every new line needs a transition between it. I promise it works without it, and while reading it felt like I was being trusted as the reader.

The best advice I can give is general advice I follow on every poem

1. Whenever you write a poem, go back through it when you’re finished and look at every similie, if it can be shortened into a metaphor and still retain its meaning it’s typically better and more hard hitting to do so

2. Another thing is avoid overstating pronouns. “It” “she” “he” “I” “you” and words such as those typically one need to be stated once (you can usually get away with more “you” than you can the others though).

Overall, pretty good! Keep writing!

[high compass]

not at all

[high compass]

yeah same

[high compass]

First things that come to mind is an overabundance of seemingly disorderly anaphors (take pronouns, for instance) and an equal discord regarding the rhyme scheme, which.. I guess is good if you want to convey insanity; that of a lover's, and yeah. Honestly, it is hard for me to empathize with romantic lyrics—I... really could not point anywhere as to why, maybe the lack of heartbreaks, anyway.

I don't mean to be that guy, but by now I fail to see a grand wisp of originality in this piece—that's not bad, necesdarily! In fact, well made to the point where it coule easily become one of those timeless staples; the foundation of such clichés.

It's just not for me: there's hardly any imagery or polished use of a given device that sets this apart from similar compositions it really represents blunt, answer-thirsty craze of understanding love as a concept, the emotion's rawest form, to me.

Perhaps listening to this recited could elucidate me on the rhythm, for now I am unable to spot it, in a way it feels absent-minded (again, if this is the vibe you're aiming for it's powerful; else, why would I take my time analyzing it?) The rain, the ocean, the stormy feel is really only there as ambience rather than what.

Lastly, the word choices feel awkward, the type of "fumbles" one would have when beffudled by breakup or infatuation.

hope this helps!

[toxic tree]

oooooo thank you so very muchhh best feedback evaaaa

[toxic tree]

ouh lolz that's a good thing that you didn't get your heart broken and thank youuu and um this isn't about breakup lmao but thankssss it's about like loving a bit too deeply you hate that it has such a huge affect on you yk

[toxic tree]

very much didddd thank you I really appreciate the long feedbacks

[fast comet]

HI

IM SO LATE

omg amazing!!! you always do so good w the similes/metaphors!!! i rlly liked ur rhyming here too, its well done

and the rain/ocean imagery is so nice