Maple tree

[quaint gazelle]

You’re the one.
You’re all I ever wanted.

And I know I will regret this—
becoming something different
to place myself among you.

Now they call me white too,
when still my physical skin is gold in the morning rays.
But it can’t capture the branches of this sea,
when all I ever wanted was to escape mine—just to leave.

And I attune myself to your ears,
ask you to please love me like your own—
when your own mother wouldn’t approve of something so foreign,
while my mother would never approve of a boy at all.

They ask me to comeback before its too late,
But I turn for a second and tell them
With my skin already bleached in maple

“ Don't wait for me,
I can’t come.”

Oh, what nomad of love.

What do I grab on
but you and your land’s maple branch?

only the maple tree.

[vestal kraken]

https://tenor.com/view/gumball-crying-tears-aggressive-gif-16274742543084362175

[rigid crag]

Definitely not my kind of poem tbh. I find it difficult to read

For example in the first two lines:

If anything knew how it seeps—
the tree leaking out its sweet tears,

A more natural way to say this would be:

If anything knew how it seeps—
the sweet tears leaking out the tree

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While your phrasing is comprehensible, it was frustrating. By using abnormal grammar, you force me to make a guess.

Additionally, by beginning your poem with this you don't clearly signal how you want the piece to be read; it is not deliberate seeming enough to tell me not to try to visualize your subsequent descriptions.

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I think this is a theory of mind error, where you don't properly account for the fact that you know much more about your poem than the reader will.

[quaint gazelle]

Im sorry but I didnt ask for feedback right away on this one and I actually did not ask you to do this, and I would respectfully like to say no thank you? umm ill find someone else.

I am sorry

[rigid crag]

Ah I assumed the poem you wanted feedback on in #📜・poetry-discussion was your most recent.

[quaint gazelle]

how I usually do it is someone trades and I show them the poem I want feedback one, i did not share the poem I needed the feedback on and usually I just say okay here is my poem and ping the other person; and yeah I understand there was a misunderstanding and I am sorry I took up your time but unfortunetely I usually have a say in who I say yes or no to when feedback trading and I didnt respond for6 mins and I dont feel like that would warrant unsolicted feedback

[rigid crag]

If you saw the message and ignored it, please consider simply responding in the future. You could also clarifying this policy in your request, as I believe it is unusual.