Descent to Atlantis - Snivy

[carmine edge]

These crystal-clear waters around me—
so beautiful.
The sunrays glitter in a quiet dance
upon the waves.
So many bright fish…
Is this what happiness feels like?

A little deeper, I go.
Looking up—
the sun through the water,
magnificent.
The corals glow in colors
I wish I could keep forever.

It’s getting darker.
And colder.
The sunlight is now just
a trembling, distant shimmer.
The fish lose their colors—
and their warmth.
Everything feels… less.
Like hope is getting thinner.

It’s freezing now.
I see nothing.
Why am I still sinking?
I try to swim,
but it changes nothing.
I’m scared.
Where is all the beauty
that pulled me in?

There’s no going back.
The pressure crushes my chest.
If hope is lost,
I vanish with it.

To find what’s been lost—
that is my only hope.
Atlantis,
my last ray of light,
where have you gone?

Will the glow of your ancient halls
rise again to save me,
or will this endless ocean
claim me?

[lilac horizon]

@carmine edge has sent a notification! - @hallow blade

[carmine edge]

@tender rover i'm sorry to tag you, but I thought you might like this one

[tender rover]

Pls don't be sorry to tag me, it makes me so happy 🙏🙏

Ughhhh I hate this feeling when there's so much I want to say but I feel like I shouldn't go on some rant about everything I like and think about a poem.
But anyways ig I can just hope people don't dislike me for it 😭

I have to say that imagery at the start, with the rhetorical "is this what happiness feels like?" Oh my days, like that hit me so hard simply bc I can relate so much, the euphoric sensation when you feel happiness after so long of just, just not yk?

I cant get over the stanzas, they represent the stages so concisely.
The first: happiness itself.
The second: the soon-after happy reflection of those times.
The third: those times start to seem distant and you start to drift.
The fourth: the futility we feel and the just horrible fear of our own selves' subsequent actions
And the last three represent our search for hope, reasoning, and our introspection
Ya idk if i interpreted this right?
But please let me know if I'm like completely wrong pls 😭🙏

I just wanted to say that i really felt this and can relate
"If hope is lost,
I vanish with it"
So deep (no pun intended)

But if I am interpreting poem right.... then I have to be honest with you. I think your wrong about something.
"There's no going back"
There was a point not so long ago that I wanted to ***.
But now I'm recovering from that time -Imagine atlantians helping you to the surface.
I just wanted to say two things: my dms are open if you need to talk at any point, and I'm happy you still have hope, please don't let go, hope helps and imo hope helps lead us to healing, it can be slow at walking sometimes but it heads towards that direction. Pls remember you always have a community on here 🙏

• anyways back to poetry 😛
  Again I love the free verse you have going in your work, you always make it work so well, the gradual change in the tone was so smooth too, it wasn't too harsh, and replicated the drifting all too well.

The ending is so nice,the transition from free verse to rhyming adds to the ending hopeful tone. Awsome stuff Snivy icl

Oh my days I'm so sorry, what a yap 😭😭

[carmine edge]

@tender rover first of all, thank you for the feedback, it means a lot that you can relate with the poem
Secondly, you can always show your interpretation of the poems, as well as what you think it means, what you agree, what you don't and what you think could be better, I believe most of the people here love these detailed feedbacks, me included.

now, you identified the stages well, in this particular case, although hope is somewhat fading, I wanted to make it feel heavier, as my theme was based on the different zones given to the ocean depth, hence the "drama" of not going back, specially because if we're literal about it, none would even reach that depth to begin with 😅 i leave the image I used as a reference here

once again, thank you so much for the feedback, I really appreciate it

[spring rain]

you write despair so gently like it’s inside something visually serene. it starts with that bright, almost childlike wonder like clear water, glittering sun, colorful fish and you let that beauty linger just long enough that the reader relaxes with you

this is genuinely my most favorite line “Atlantis, my last ray of light, where have you gone?”

“Will the glow of your ancient halls, rise again to save me, or will this endless ocean claim me?” man such a striking ending; it balances despair with fragile hope

[carmine edge]

it means the world to me having this type of feedback. It's one of those poems where I tried to choose a imagery and stick to it until the end, gotta admit at first my only idea was something like drowning and end up linking it with Atlantis, I'm really glad to know you found the ending so striking thank you so much for taking the time to write this heartwarming feedback

[tender rover]

Oh

Ya ig I kinda interpreted that line a bit too seriously 😂😅

But still it goes anyways

[tender rover]

I feel like a three yr old learning in preschool rn, it never occurred to me to use an image as reference for a poem. Altho I am new to poetry I suppose 🤷‍♂️

[carmine edge]

Now literally the image itself, but, since it's quite easy to link drowning with that feeling we have when we get lost in our own feelings, I wanted to divide that drowning in stages so the imagery of the poem would hit harder, and so I remembered the depth of the ocean has different zone names and used it

[tender rover]

Honestly it totally worked out that way, the imagery was so powerful and it makes the poem hit that much harder

[vestal bluff]

Wonderful! @tender rover has just progressed to level 3!

[tender rover]

Might try doing smthn like that in future using like an image as a ref it seems interesting

[carmine edge]

if you think you could adapt it to what you feel or the message you want to pass, sure, try it out, it won't hurt at least

[carmine edge]

Descent to Atlantis - Snivy

[ancient dove]

Damn this feels so vivid...like I was actually sinking with you.The shift from beauty to darkness is so smooth it’s scary.
It really shows how fast something that feels magical can become overwhelming. I can still picture it in my mind and honestly, this inspires me

[carmine edge]

Awww, what a great feedback, thank you so much

[raw cargo]

I love how it feels like slipping into a dream that slowly decides to become a nightmare. The bright details make the opening feel safe, almost soothing, and then the cold sneaks in and everything just collapses. The emotional pacing is so natural.

[carmine edge]

thank you so much for the feedback, it means a lot

[long silo]

Beautiful yet painful🤝