In the Desert under Shade

[tepid ember]

Nostalgia, the only loyal friend,
we get drunk on aged whiskey
gazing on sunsets—
through pink clouds

[obsidian pulsar]

@tepid ember has sent a notification! - @grand kraken @full bear @formal current @tired hinge @gusty cove @alpine flax @lean cradle @copper depot @dusk flame @whole cargo @mighty shadow @rough pollen @teal cipher @errant geyser @low elk @viral bough

[uneven spruce]

What do the pink clouds represent?

[tepid ember]

Is a twist on watching things thru rose tinted glasses

[uneven spruce]

How would anyone have gotten that?

Look, I like the first three lines of the poem but the last one threw me off. When I asked what it meant, you gave an answer that made some sense but that no reader would realistically have gotten to by themselves. We can't read your mind, and it's your job, as the writer, to assist us in seeing your vision. This piece falls short of that.

Keep up the good work.

[tepid ember]

Is an easy association imo, the poem talks about memory and gazing at endings in an intoxicated state (and other things) and the pink clouds are the filter of the endings thru which the speaker watches from, Google "looking at things through something pink"

Im curious if you caught the other symbology I used in this poem, every word is meaningful.

I took inspiration from

Station at the metro

[uneven spruce]

Yeah, well you're no Ezra Pound.

[tepid ember]

And you're certainly not one with teeth.
What's the matter, vomiting vitriol?
Did your tummy get upset from indigestion?

[uneven spruce]

Look, I'm not here to argue with you. You wrote a four line poem and three of the lines were good but one wasn't, and I said so and why. That makes you a better poet than not. I only had an issue with one line out of four lines—you did good overall. But then you talked about how in your opinion it was an easy association when it's objectively not. I apologize for saying "you're no Ezra Pound", that's on me—I shouldn't have said something so dismissive for such a petty reason. I'm sorry. But don't turn this into something big, just take my criticism. It's good criticism.

[uneven spruce]

Thank you for this. I'm a better man, having learned from this ordeal.

[tepid ember]

Good criticism is not "this is bad" good criticism is "this is bad, this why, this how to do it" I gave you the explanation of my mental process in picking the pink clouds, which is logical and objectively easy to grasp:

Pink see-thru filter

"through pink clouds"

Same as "rose coloured glasses" but I made it fresh and thematically fitting.

If you are a good critic and a good poet, show me how you would of reworked the idiom "rose coloured glasses" in a way that is fresh, thematically fitting, and also within the limitations of imagist minimalism (1 line, fewest words)

I am genuinely curious. 🙂

[uneven spruce]

You can't see through clouds, hence the main reason it doesn't work.

Rivers would work better, and is more thematically rich.

Nostalgia, the only loyal friend
we get drunk on aged whiskey
gazing on sunsets
through pink rivers

Good luck with your future endeavors! :]

[tepid ember]

Explain yourself, how is that thematically fitting, that would mean that I am gazing at a sunset from a river, I am in the desert??

[uneven spruce]

At this point you're just disagreeing with me for disagreements sake, and I won't be wasting my time on that. Good luck, man.

[lime wigeon]

Wonderful! @uneven spruce has just progressed to level 3!

[tepid ember]

Bye bye, thank you for feedback ❤️ was very helpful insight, I will be chilling in the river watching sunsets in the desert now, thank you for the wonderful display of criticism it made my day ❤️ much love.

[twilit latch]

i think "through rose colored clouds" could work better in this case

but i like the symbolism

[tepid ember]

In the Desert under Shade

[low elk]

@tepid ember

I feel like if you were perverbially wearing rose colored glasses, the clouds would appear pink, no? So, that tracks for me.

How would you know that thats what you meant? I wouldn't as the reader know that's what you meant, but with the title and the scene the poem paints, im in the desert, during a sunset, drinking whiskey in the shade, comfy chair, nice large frilly cloth umbrella, feet kicked up, I'm dwelling heavily on a lot of my happy memories, and some sad, as the sunset begins, it casts a pink hue over all the clouds and the red sand of the desert, it seems warm and pleasant and made just for my nostalgia and melancholic bitter sweet remembrances.

I've read so many poems that I didn't understand the references or nuances, so I asked for clarification.

It didn't detract from the poem because I didn't get it, its all subjective. I don't have to understand and comprehend every line to understand and feel the expression.

I can't relate and don't get this poem past "nostalgia, the only loyal friend,"

But I can perceive the scene and expression none the less.

[tepid ember]

I love how you painted the scene, that is the kind of vibe I wanted to convey.
That's the essence of it, is this bittersweet mix of feelings, scorching in the isolated desert and finding a moment of reprieve, of reflection, of meeting the nostalgia as a good friend that always stays, getting drunk on memories that have aged and matured, gazing upon the very things that causes you pain, that are fading in the past, that has ended and looking at it with love and bitter sweetness.
Every word choice was deliberate to that end, even the small ones you might not think twice about carry weight.
But the fact you felt the bittersweet core without needing to dissect it means the poem's doing its job.