The fool who fell

[past ledge]

inspo from @inner sedge poems

[hexed ember]

@past ledge has sent a notification! - @stark hamlet @gritty forge @kind narwhal @velvet mantle @junior shale @bold spruce @steel narwhal @restive pecan @sly roost @pearl adder @rocky flint @latent flame @weary condor @burnt compass @slow moon @wintry lily @native terrace @stiff linden @spare canopy @silver roost @fringe tree @toxic latch @frank linden @next willow @forest shoal @blissful igloo @knotty coyote @inner sedge @cerulean orbit @robust plume @steel mason

[past ledge]

@hushed oriole @glad quail @warped vine

@brisk viper @placid dew

feedback please

<@&1145760802666717234>

[placid dew]

Woah.

That's written beautifully

[rotund mantle]

Wonderful! @placid dew has just progressed to level 6!

[placid dew]

If you're looking for some sort of feedback on what could be changed about it, personally I wouldn't change a thing

Amazing job, looking forward to seeing more like this

[past ledge]

thank you so much that meant a lottt is it okay if I ping you in two other poems..?

also I love your work it's so beautiful and good

applause

[placid dew]

Ofcc just statin' facts

And yeahh np, ping me in wtv

[placid dew]

Awee ty ty

[placid dew]

Hahah

[past ledge]

like u said js stating a fact

[hexed ember]

@hushed oriole is now following @past ledge.

[warped vine]

If a guy said this to me I'll just be his forever 😭✨

[past ledge]

if you think this is good your jaw will be on the floor if you read kira's poems its that good and thank youuu

#1424400891468972054
#1428011461879402586
#1433924332119130243
@warped vine I'm sure you'd fall in love with these

its his poems that are wayyy better than mine

[warped vine]

Don't say that youre good as well lemme read em too

[past ledge]

(there are other but these are the romance ones)

[past ledge]

awh thank youu

[warped vine]

Ohhh okieee

[warped vine]

These things make feel how single i am its too good 😭✨

[past ledge]

ikrrrrr I get the feeling 🤧

[past ledge]

@royal field this is the type of guy u deserve (the one in de poem)

[royal field]

Omggg stop this one is so good to!!!! I also have a girl, we’ve been together for quite some time, she’s perfect for me, but thank you!!!😁

[past ledge]

awh that's so sweet and lovely and I wrote this in a guy's POV and I love a guy lolz 😅 (also I'm single 😭 )

[royal field]

It’s really good!!! You deserve the best guy out there plus more😁

[past ledge]

awhhh thank youuu that's so kinddd

and you deserve the best for you toooo

[royal field]

Awww, thank you so much!!!!

[past ledge]

@spiral ginkgo

[past ledge]

@karmic crescent feedback place

[karmic crescent]

Im gonna cry man

Its flipping beautiful

And also its like

when youre broke ( by the heart ) and you find a song

that matches your situation

and you fall in love with the song

it comforts you

Like that.

[past ledge]

thank you very much I really appreciate ittt

||I'm not a guy tho||

[brisk viper]

"she’s the eiffel tower— and i’m just a crumbling house." i like how that opening sets the tone perfectly. it’s not just abt difference,it’s abt permanence vs. decay, grandeur vs. humility. you painted the whole feeling in 2 lines. "she’s the water that pulls me back to life when i bleed." wow this is so gentle and powerful. she’s not just beautiful...she’s healing. even when yr at ur lowest, her presence alone is a kind of rescue. "the universe is cruel— to gift the world a muse and leave me here, the fool who fell without knowing what i was falling into."man this part aches in the best way. yr not blaming her, ur marveling at ur own vulnerability. falling for her wasn’t a choice...it was gravity

[past ledge]

yeshhh I love your feedbacks thank you so much 💗

[karmic crescent]

Sorry

[past ledge]

lolz sorry for what

and again thanksss

[karmic crescent]

ofc anytime

[past ledge]

@waxen bronze

[waxen bronze]

ik i've said this before but i love this one so much

but it's actually like my favourite out of all your poems

[past ledge]

omg thank you so muchhh

[inner sedge]

WOAH IM JS SEEING THIS

[past ledge]

lolz so master of poems would you leave some feedback please

@brittle niche

[brittle niche]

yk true love is like that, you always feel incomparable to your lover. How well you managed to show that. Commendable

[past ledge]

thank youu and yeshh agreed

[past ledge]

@cedar kernel

[inner sedge]

im SO glad to finally be free to write a feedback cuz MMMMMMMMMMM ts is goooooodddah. this is soo heartfelt n beautifully vulnerable. I love the contrast of eiffel tower vs crumbling houses n galaxy vs single star (im a big fan of space related metaphors. nerdy, yes ik) like these hit HARD. it rlly captures the feeling of loving someone wayy out of ur league n im al in fo it. Yeh this is too good to be said an inspiration from ma poems lol

[inner sedge]

sorry de feedbacks a teeny weeny bit late :p waz kinda busy

[woeful briar]

*sorry de feedbacks

a teeny weeny bit late :p

waz kinda busy*

- kiraischill

[past ledge]

nppp

[past ledge]

whaaaa thank you so much I feel very honoureddd and yeah all js inspo from ur poems

they're that good

[inner sedge]

oh i love the name too

[past ledge]

thank youu

[inner sedge]

i think i have a line somewhere in some forgotten poem of mine that kinda goes: “i was a fool before but now im just yours”, yeh the name reminds me of thtg

[past ledge]

ooo did u post it

I wanna readdd

[inner sedge]

Tbh i hav noooo idea lol i mightve

i hav the memory span of a house fly

[past ledge]

lolz

then think thinkk

[inner sedge]

aaah found it, its on the sky wore pink

[rotund mantle]

Wonderful! @inner sedge has just progressed to level 15!

[inner sedge]

https://tenor.com/view/cat-dance-cat-dance-gif-20491618

GIF PERMSSSSSS

[past ledge]

love that poem too 🤧

[past ledge]

lolz

@noble jackal feedbacks please

[past ledge]

@tacit osprey feedback please

<@&1145760802666717234>

@last rapids

[past ledge]

@mighty yarrow

[past ledge]

👀

||sorry for so many pings||

[tacit osprey]

Your prose is really powerful.

I absolutely adore this line in particular

"She’s day and night—
I’m a broken torch
with a trembling light."

Coming from the type of traditionalist poet background that uses very strict rhyme schemes, I enjoy how this is a mix of free verse and rhyme. To improve, the next time you write a poem, tinker with the syllable count of your stanzas (especially the ones that rhyme) so that they flow together and sound rhythmic. That's why I love the line I mentioned above, because "I'm a broken torch" is 5 syllables, and "with a trembling light" is also 5, making it sound so smooth to read and speak aloud. (obviously more than just syllables factor into the rhythm of the piece, such as sibilance/alliteration, internal rhymes etc. Consider those too)

Now lets compare to another one of your stanzas; (The syllable count is on the right)

She’s the garden, | 4
and I’m a seed— | 4
She’s the water | 4
that pulls me back to life when I bleed. | 9

If the aim of the final line here is to break the reader's flow to emphasize the words, then this works perfectly. The rhyme however does feel a little clunky and is hard to make sense in the context of the garden/seed metaphor.

This is how I would write (mind you its still bad because I came up with it in like a minute lol), but of course we're different poets with different styles, so take what you like and leave what you don't

She’s the garden, | 4
and I’m a seed— | 4
She’s the water | 4
broken hearts need | 4

I hope you appreciate my feedback. The imagery is beautiful and the metaphors feel original, I can't wait to read more!!!!

[past ledge]

OH MAH GAWD

[past ledge]

WDYMM THAT'S SO GOOD

broken hearts need is so reall

ima steal that from you thanks

[tacit osprey]

Feel free to, I'm glad you like!

[hexed ember]

@past ledge is now following @tacit osprey.

[past ledge]

I'd love to read some of ur poems

[tacit osprey]

Want me to ping you in it?

[past ledge]

yes pleasee

@minor pumice

[past ledge]

I said it twice but I'll say it again there's js smth abt ur voice and the way u talkkk js okay beautiful and charming lolz and omg thank you so much for the feedback and comments u understood and I feel like when u really love someone they're js like out of ur league they're perfect in every way even with flaws even the flaws are perfect js yk lolz and again I love love love the vc feedbacksss

[past ledge]

@proud sun

[proud sun]

love the title...and also lover boy's pov
Love the self sacrificial soft boy emotion

[rotund mantle]

Wonderful! @proud sun has just progressed to level 11!

[past ledge]

BAHAHAHA MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD AND THANK YOUUU

it was only you who realized my sacrifice

thank you so much

gurl I read it as I sacrificed myself by yk tryna get in the head of a guy who's in love

my eyes forgot how to see lolz

[proud sun]

😭 😭

Hope ur alr

[past ledge]

yesss

[past ledge]

@frozen remnant

[past ledge]

@wraith ocean

@blissful igloo

[past ledge]

@tranquil mason @silver ridge

[past ledge]

@nocturne shard

[wraith ocean]

I like the flow and the contrast, was this written from a the point of view of a boy in love with a girl? who is you maybe

[past ledge]

guess

do I sound like a guy

or a girl

[wraith ocean]

ik ur a girl

[past ledge]

yeshh lolz js pretended to be a guy for dis poem

[wraith ocean]

yeahh

[past ledge]

@idle basalt

[past ledge]

@bold horizon would appreciate some feedback

[bold horizon]

Its really amazing!! I usually am not found of every other line with perfect rhymes, but some of these lines are actually super great because it brings out the emotion to it! I don't know what to give as feedback, I think it's great!

[past ledge]

omg thank you so very much that's so sweet of you I'm melting

[past ledge]

@hexed compass

[hexed compass]

awhhhhhhh omg the 3rd Stanza is my favourite

[past ledge]

thank you so muchhh I'm glad u like itt

[past ledge]

@keen garden so not messed up buh cute lolz

[keen garden]

I love all the metaphors it's really well written

[past ledge]

thank youu

[past ledge]

@coarse kiln

[coarse kiln]

This pretty much broke me

[past ledge]

nooo

[coarse kiln]

You are so good at tragic ones

[past ledge]

I'm sorryyy

[past ledge]

lolz

cuz love itself is tragic

[coarse kiln]

Though that might be taking a bad toll on u

So take care

[coarse kiln]

Dont know for how long i felt this poem relatable lol

[past ledge]

it has so no goin bak now

[past ledge]

I'll try

[past ledge]

lolz

[coarse kiln]

Go back or u will never return

[past ledge]

I don't wanna

I like it

and it's not easy

cuz how on earth

do u move on from someone

[coarse kiln]

Definitely not

[past ledge]

that actually has u and ur heart completely

there isn't an answer

and I'm not giving up yet

[coarse kiln]

I can pretty much understand everything you say
And can help u get out of it if u want to
But yes

[past ledge]

lolz I'm gud

but thanks

it's complicated

[coarse kiln]

As i figured

[past ledge]

haha

[coarse kiln]

I know lol

[past ledge]

<@&1144090752457113794> <@&1145760802666717234>

[coarse kiln]

was I summoned

[past ledge]

I put poetry helper lolz sorry u can ignore it cuz u already read

[coarse kiln]

All good

[silver ridge]

ooommmmmggg metaphor TEAAA

whattt the hecckkk

lover boys story this is gorgeausuususus

[past ledge]

thank youuu so much lolz