#DNA of desire

29 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

long sand
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DNA of Desire

Encoded in double helixes, written in our genes
Nitrogen bases, L-O-V-E
Ladder of intimacy, letters of code
Sugar and phosphate, braces uphold

U and I, as A is to T
Passion bonds, for hydrogen is weak
Winding around your heart,
Formed nucleosomes

From nucleotides to chromosomes
“Nice to meet you,” evolves “I love you”

Strands of survival, chemicals of clue
Species one, spirals two

gleaming yew
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aww what a charming composition! I'm a sucker for poems that are educational in a way, and find some way (with stretches here and there) to incorporate topics as objective as sciences. Then again, I do get the U and I entendre, but I would've thought uracil as a base. Still, it's an idea I've also had, only never executed, and this is seamless for what it's worth.

Suggestions, if you wish to expand or brand this concept are making the L - O - V - E stand for something and to make the most of a metaphor; for example, the core / basis / beginning of it all or set of instructions [on how to love]

Another thought is to play around repeating a stanza; in particular the last one, which could work wonderfully as a chorus.

On to the harsher side, the rhyming is not always complemented by the rhythm, which creates awkward phrasings or pronunciations, see second verses of both the first stanzas. Something else is how the nucleosome-chromosome "rhyme" loses some points for having the same etymological root, though again, one is only so limited talking about desiderata a DNA coded you to feel.

Second to last stanza feels odd; I would suggest some brackets in between to fill in with words to make the sentence cohesive without compromising the rhythm flow and yeah, lovely poem!

void wadi
long sand
# gleaming yew aww what a charming composition! I'm a sucker for poems that are educational in ...

Thank you for the criticism, truly! The l-o-v-e concept would be pretty cool. I decided that it was perfect for the poem, since the four letter word works for the 4 nitrogenous bases.

As for the rhyming, it was honestly wrote during my chem lesson and I haven't had motivation for months, so I took it and ran. I could sent you my explanation of the poem, if you wanted to know my thought process during it? It's a bit philosophical as well.

long sand
void wadi
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I think it's sweet, but I'm a beginner too and I don't listen to criticism because I don't care LOL

long sand
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LOLL

long sand
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YES

void wadi
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YES

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I didn't think this server would know alnst I'm giggling

long sand
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I'm quite possibly the biggest alnst fan

void wadi
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It feels like it's all grown adults being edgy cause 😭😭 last time I spoke in here early this year thsts how it was

void wadi
long sand
void wadi
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I can't send my poetry here cause its inappropriate I'm ngl but 😭😭

long sand
void wadi
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I ❤️ writing

long sand
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Let me read it

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Add me

void wadi
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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IM.NERVOUS

solemn hound
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OMG I LOVED THIS SO MUCH I AM LEARNING BIO SO THIS IS LIKE SO FUN TO READ BC I JUST LEARNED ABT THI

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THIS

long sand
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I LOVE BIO

gleaming yew
# long sand Thank you for the criticism, truly! The l-o-v-e concept would be pretty cool. I ...

by all means! I do have a couple of compositions regarding scientific topics (not posted here) I would like to share, and it's not unusual for scientific names and concepts to pop up in my creations—including a full on love song about speciation and convergence

It's a marvel how science and it's fields can offer a variety of possible rhymes and consistently come across as unique, so yea, sure! But, for the time being I'm a little busy — ironically enough having a biology test soon, so

long sand