main cedar
This was collaboratively written with the - frankly - over-talented @idle schooner
Read their most recent work #The Reason I Flee
I suffocated on my breath today
I choked on the words I uttered to say
I urged them back into my mouth
So you'd never sense me suffer
Hid in my best hiding place
For I didn't want your rare smile to wane
I felt my teeth cut my tongue today
Biting back words that long to stray
Admit to you what my lips can't release
That for you my heart beats
idle schooner
awhhh i didn't do muchh
idle aspen
This was collaboratively written with the - frankly - over-talented <@1310320951...
1st stanza: breed of the bat already the pain on it is emphasized, suffocated choke suffer. this is a sad stand for very good.
2nd stanza: this is short, short and neat.
3rd stanza: the motions in this ending is very good, teeth cut my tongue very visceral, biting back the word goddamn this is very good. i really like it the poem was amazing
halcyon gazelle
I think this one is lovely! My personal preference; I kind of wish there was a bit more ambiguity in lines like “so you’d never sense me suffer”. So that you weren’t sure of the authors’ intentions before that strong last line.
But that’s a pretty nitpicking critique :) Overall I enjoyed the imagery juxtaposed with the emotion
sleek tangleBOT
@idle schooner has sent a notification! - @solar wyvern @kindred kettle @sharp anchor @twilit meteor
@main cedar has sent a notification! - @prime dust @spare notch
solar wyvern
this is BEAUTIFUL. i love the imageryy