#The Wall

59 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

naive arch
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The meaning would be muffled if it weren't as concise as it is now.

It operates on two levels. The first being an allegory for the praise of art and profound expression from so little. Art allows you to create a "cosmos" of creativity and imagination from mere paint on a wall.

The second level is with a negative connotation. That your entire worldview can be seen as nothing but paint on a wall. Your "cosmos" is nothing short of superficial, and tacky.

There are two complex layers working in this piece. It can be flexible either way; it can be a creative manifesto, or a prolific statement on nihilism.

quartz delta
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the meaning doesn’t resonate with me particularly, but it could still do with …anything. something more. u have simple ideas but instead of writing a poem from it, you just write it out. it’s very blunt and direct, but not in a way that makes it profound, literally try anything. e.g. i wanted to talk about love eating away at someone and also how people let it eat.
how you are writing it is;

Your love eats away at me.
But I know you are hungry.
So eat.

ITS SO like straight. there is nothing wrong with being simple, but there is such thing as too simple

play around with lines structure metaphors simile like any literary device

take as u will

cunning valley
weary ploverBOT
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*I have to agree

with Amira here, what you

have is too simple.*

- whereisthelock
naive arch
# quartz delta the meaning doesn’t resonate with me particularly, but it could still do with …a...

@quartz delta
@cunning valley
This poem is conceptual and imagist. The shrewd frame is in it's lack of what you describe. You are looking for something that isn't there.

What is so straight about the allegory of someone in construction creating cosmos from nothing? Specialty is in it's alliteration. The metaphor is literally in the final line.

It's concise, it gets to the point, while not being literal. That's what makes it great. The foundation of your critique is with the total lack of fluff. There are no tacky decorations.

I appreciate feedback. However, the 'blunt' and 'direct' style isn't a lack of ideas. It's an intentional decision. Any additions would once serve to detract from the core idea. The objective of poetry is not to obfuscate truth. It's to convey truth in a personable way. You're critiquing as if it's a numbers game, and almost like you're keeping a series of points to a match.

quartz delta
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that’s ok do as u wish

cunning valley
naive arch
# cunning valley Imagist poetry is one of my specialties, I love Ezra Pound and H.D. and William ...

This isn't even real criticism. This is just diminutive.
Your entire thesis is that it's "too blunt for my tastes." That isn't even criticism, that's an opinion. You insult me and claim I'm delusional for replying and clarifying relevant information to someone else's critique of my work. Then you went on to name drop real poets to establish some kind of false authority complex. What's your game?
The three rules of imagist poetry are directness, conciseness and rhythm. Do you want to check your sources again bro?

quartz delta
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dawg gen q here, what sort of comment were u lookin for,
also secondly, choice of word is still important for imagist poetry, the whole point is that ur supposed to choose great words and only use those. i think ur words could do better- not that they don’t say exactly what you mean, but there are still legit better words, imagist =/= say whatever u want plainly

naive arch
# quartz delta dawg gen q here, what sort of comment were u lookin for, also secondly, choice o...

I didn't want to be insulted. That's not criticism.

I think you misunderstand the function of art as a medium. You're speaking about what you would like to see, what you would like to write and how you would do it. I understand art is subjective. But there literally are no better words, in soul with art, they are perfect because I deemed them so. Imagist poetry = stating whatever you want plainly. Ezra is one of the founder's of Imagist poetry as a movement. Directness, conciseness and rhythm are their rules. Those are the classical definitions and parameters outlining what Imagist poetry is.

I understand the perspective of where you're coming from, however, you are just flat out incorrect. You are trying to apply your framework, which is already subjective, to objective rules defining category. Criticism itself is fundamentally objective. And you are critiquing from a place of confusion. As I said before, the purpose of poetry is not to obfuscate truth, but to convey truth in a personable way. There is a process of poetry (reflection) and a product of poetry (communication).

quartz delta
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hey so a) sorry if u feel insulted that sucks also b) criticism is not fundamentally objective thats plain wrong, precisely bcs as u already said art is subjective , if u believe ur poem is perfectly in tune with what u wanted it to be, this is fine too

burnt rover
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if u don't want people to give u good or bad feedback then don't ask for it

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i mean, why ask

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why ask

polar charm
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mufflers when they get comments on their poem that has the Comments Wanted tag

burnt rover
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not haiku bot in the corner waiting for us to say something wild

weary ploverBOT
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*not haiku bot in

the corner waiting for us

to say something wild*

- emssssssssss_
burnt rover
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AYEEEEE

polar charm
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grrrr haiku bot is always watching for some strange reason like mind yo

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oy why did circuit demon react to me

naive arch
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You are incorrect. Criticism cannot be subjective just because art is subjective. You are describing taste, and calling it criticism. You are saying that because you dislike it -> it is not good. Real criticism is methodical and evaluative. I showed you your criticism was flawed by addressing each point you made. You seem disinterested in the conversation itself and just stand to reaffirm what you already believe.

Your taste is fine, but it isn't critique. Critique is an analysis of logic, facts and structure. That is why you are critiquing from a place of confusion.

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@quartz delta

burnt rover
polar charm
balmy prismBOT
polar charm
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this is not that deep💔

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nuh uh

balmy prismBOT
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Wonderful! @naive arch has just progressed to level 1!

polar charm
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just write a longer poem sweetie 💔 save your words for a masterpiece not an internet argument

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..

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he threw some paint onto the wall
and this splatter he called it 'art'
but look how defensive he became
when the people came to wipe away

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thanksn but no thanks for the praise

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im just so boggled by your continuous argument

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just write!

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just write stuff

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practice

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criticism is going to come but prioritise developing your voice in the writing

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well if it was not criticism, then waive it

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there's no need to dwell on it then

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huh?

naive arch
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I misunderstood

polar charm
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.

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woops

tough abyss
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i feel like that definitely is criticism though, no? they said ur poem is blunt & direct but not in a way that makes it profound & that u should play around with lines, structures, metaphors & other literary devices? 💓

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sorry i was just browsing the poems on here for inspo & saw this thread active 💓💓💓

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i do like the concept though!!

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don’t say that! i think it’s a good concept & that u should continue writing poetry

tough abyss
balmy prismBOT
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Wonderful! @naive arch has just progressed to level 2!

tough abyss
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i really do enjoy the way u write! i’m honestly really not the best at critique but i feel like the way u write is very upfront if that makes sense, that can be good if applied effectively, which the more u practice that style of writing, the better u will get!

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i also don’t know how to do those! i kind of improv with them, not knowing how to punctuate & seperate stanzas can guide u to experimentation with those things in an unordinary/unexpected way rather than following set limits & expectations!

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i honestly really liked the poem! u should look into reading more poems of that likeness!

everyone’s opinions are different, i liked the repetition of the “wall” at the end of every line whilst some may say it takes away from it

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your concepts are honestly very interesting, i’m not the best at advice but this one is really good ( at least to me )

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this one is also interesting! but something about it is off to me & i can’t figure out what?? might be rhythm of it, not sure, but otherwise it’s a really interesting poem, i don’t have a very expanded vocabulary so my comments kind of sound the same </33

i do enjoy this poem a lot though, i like the comparison & “bitter ends, personal ends”

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it probably is that!

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i kept rereading it & the last line made it fall flat but i couldn’t figure out why because i usually do love repetition but what u said is probably why! i feel like due to the length of this poem this much repetition especially having the last word be repetition kind of makes it fall flat

balmy prismBOT
tough abyss
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of course!!

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i’m not good at poetry in the slightest so take a lot of what i’ve said with a grain of salt LOL