Please Don't Go

[shadow trench]

I'll savour the words that dance on your tongue,
And cut deep into my skin,
A deaf man watching shapes it makes,
Your mouth a living sin...

And you're too close to me.

I have happiness but feel,
Your sadness ripping through my chest,
Your teasing talk, that knowing torture,
Dangling stars too far to reach...

Yet you're still close to me.

I long to taste your indiscretions,
Willingly swallow your pain,
Until you pull me up again,
I'd take your burdens, take your blame...

But you're too close to me

I want to feel your insecurities,
Have them squash under my hands,
Cradle your inner monologue,
Tell her to relax...

Now I'm too close to you.

[cobalt bramble]

Oooo this is so good. The imagery, the vocabulary, all top tier.

Towards the end of the poem there's a grammatical error where it says
"I want feel your insecurities" - it should be "i long TO feel your insecurities" (long, personally adds to the emotional depth, rather than feel)

[shadow trench]

Totally forgot to add the word 'to' in that line. tysm. corrected

[summer yew]

*Totally forgot

to add the word 'to' in that

line. tysm. corrected*

- taz1907

[cobalt bramble]

No worries, its such a amazing poem

[shadow trench]

Thank you ((: I was actually a little nervous posting this one

[cobalt bramble]

I'm a published poet and I love poetry, I was in your shoes once. But just think if somebody doesn't like your poem, nicely asks them for critiques. Every critique is a step towards success

[worthy phoenix]

Its raw and beautiful craved ✨(if u don't mind can i tag u in mine as well)

[frosty basin]

i LOVE this so much!
its really raw and beautiful, your vocabulary is 🤌 i love the last stanza alot as well.. top tieeer

[shadow trench]

Absolutely ((:

[shadow trench]

Thank you so much

[lunar basin]

first of all the word economy on here is very good, this is very raw you know beautiful too. this is very good the last stanza is really amazing

i love it very much

[shadow trench]

Tysm

[frail canopy]

@shadow trench has sent a notification! - @glacial gorge @vast basalt

[shadow trench]

@soft cape

[tribal harness]

It's a really good poem

[shadow trench]

Ohh good note

[shadow trench]

Thank you so much 😊

[marble monolith]

I love the wording and the theming.

[sick flare]

Holy neediness, make this the anthem for us clingy people Ong

[hoary cradle]

Apologies for my tardiness, school can take over my life very suddenly. Coming to the poem, it is beautiful I love it and I'm not falsely praising you. The theme, the metaphors, the way you bring the words to life. The flow as if the words have their own mind. It hit very close to home. That feeling of staying even when you don't really know what you are to each other. You portrayed it well