#A Ghost in Bloom -Rider

47 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

plucky niche
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A silent afternoon, and a quiet, shattered tune.
A heavenward glance, as seven birds dance.
Perched on the sun, searching for someone,
like fading stars and waiting arms.

My dreams and my sins are like leaves to the wind.
These aches and tremors, mistakes and errors—
they haunt and they blind me, they watch and they bind me.
Then my eyes find you—thy light shines through.

The sky is frozen, your eyes have stolen
the mysteries of the moon—two wintery lagoons.
Silky hair and sorrowed words, guilty prayers, hollowed and slurred.
The ruins of your smile, illumined, yet defiled.

October’s ghost in bloom, overdosed on gloom.
Eden bends at the streams, beacons blend at the seams.
Where crystal tears fall, when wistful years call,
Celestial sparks fly, ancestral harps chime.

A silent, setting sun; a dying wedding done.
A lullaby of grief and loss nullifies the fear and frost.
A heavenward glance, the seventh bird’s chance.
A sobered rose entombed, October’s ghost in bloom.

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@austere garden @waxen timber @fiery sun @rough pilot @hallow sail

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@cosmic lake @silver vault @hallow root@undone dove

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@royal fable@dusky torrent@fierce rover@pastel grail

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@thin monolith @faint basalt @dreamy spruce @main flame

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@robust osprey @cosmic lake @shell flume @nocturne hazel@pearl rapids

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@fierce cradle@cosmic lake @cosmic lake@fickle canopy

warped pineBOT
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@plucky niche has sent a notification! - @fierce cradle @tardy hamlet

shell flume
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Rider?

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Omg

plucky niche
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hey

shell flume
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WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

plucky niche
robust osprey
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omg rider is back

robust osprey
shell flume
plucky niche
robust osprey
plucky niche
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no lol, printed circuit board

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@deep pecan

robust osprey
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interesting

plucky niche
wide yoke
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I have kindly asked not to get pinged in your poem

plucky niche
wide yoke
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At least listen for once?

plucky niche
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i see youre still bitter

wide yoke
wide yoke
plucky niche
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you can go now

hallow root
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5 Things (by technique) I like :

  1. The multisyllabic rhymes are on-point!
A heavenward glance, as seven birds dance.
Perched on the sun, searching for someone,
like fading stars and waiting arms```

The constant switch-ups in length is very smooth to read - as a multisyllabic rhymer myself.

2. Its flow is consistent according to the rhymes.

```The sky is frozen, your eyes have stolen
the mysteries of the moon—two wintery lagoons.
Silky hair and sorrowed words, guilty prayers, hollowed and slurred.
The ruins of your smile, illumined, yet defiled.```

This one stands out to me very well!

3. Imagistically varied with each line.

```My dreams and my sins are like leaves to the wind.
These aches and tremors, mistakes and errors—
they haunt and they blind me, they watch and they bind me.
Then my eyes find you—thy light shines through.```

They both flow into one another while keeping the imaging well-placed.

4. Succinct yet powerful.

I find the poem to be very short,
but what makes it work for me is how much you manage to squeeze into each stanza.

5. Each rhyme does not overstay.

With each line finding their unique rhyme?
It brings a lot of options for a favourite, but my favourite is Stanza 1, Line 2.

`A heavenward glance, as seven birds dance.`
plucky niche
robust osprey
dusky torrent
silver vault
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I love this, it's beautiful

austere garden
fiery sun
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Oh my

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Rider poem

plucky niche
plucky niche
dusky torrent
plucky niche
fiery sun
fiery sun
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Something like - then mine eyes find thee—thy light shines through

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It flows better. But honestly its beautifully written as it is

austere garden
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@zealous mason