break me
please
I beg to be shattered
Destroyed and left
Covered in autumn showers
Frail and cold
Secrets shivering untold
The winds soft kiss
Isn’t gentle anymore
It leaves lipstick stains
blue with some frost
freezing my veins
no crimson rivers flow now
frozen and staged
Fragile I stand
Blow me away
Knocked over and throw around
In ravishing waves
My remains scattered
All over this world
I’ll haunt you everyday
Trust me, I will
#cold
zinc stirrup
glad hollyBOT
@zinc stirrup has sent a notification! - @broken cloak @random tapir @dense solstice @daring trout @amber karma @tiny venture @neat dagger @sour jewel @drifting wadi @dapper tiger @maiden thistle @sonic wedge @spice lava @merry snow @formal jacinth
regal flax
omg wait
This really reminds me of a poem I wrote last Autumn
About being sorrowful within cold Autumn waters
zinc stirrup
About being sorrowful within cold Autumn waters
Do u have it id love to read?
regal flax
sure
not quite as visceral as yours, more hazey
Okay rereading it, the imagery isn't as similar as I thought it was to yours
But it does evoke a very similar feeling
Like a cold rainy autumn morning
Whereas my narrator wanders within the cold world, yours directly faces it like an enemy
zinc stirrup
Oooh. It was foggy when I wrote it this morning so kinda what I had
I’m excitedly to read. Ty! Id love feedback on mine if you’d like
regal flax
Not too many negative notes tbh
If I'm being really nitpicky, I'd suggest adding some commas where necessary
zinc stirrup
If I'm being really nitpicky, I'd suggest adding some commas where necessary
That’s lowk my worst issue I need to work on it 😔
zinc stirrup
Not too many negative notes tbh
Aww ty
Feel free to have positive too
Anyway tysm for reading!
regal flax
Lines that I thought were standouts are "I beg to be shattered", "secrets shivering untold", "freezing my veins", "blow me away", and "my remains scattered all over this world"
It's interesting how you manage to perfectly juxtapose soft scenery with visceral wordplay
One of the things this poem succeeds at that I sometimes struggle with (therefore I'm very impressed) is managing to show rather than tell
zinc stirrup
I like to do juxtapositions idk why
regal flax
You show such an intricate story without having to explain any of it yet it still makes sense
zinc stirrup
It does
Ty sm. I’ve been working on that bc I use to tell not show so I try to balance more
Depends on the poem sometimes I learn one way more than another
regal flax
Oooh. It was foggy when I wrote it this morning so kinda what I had
Wait do you think you can take a look at this new poem of mine instead
drifting bobcatBOT
regal flax
I'm really eager for feedback on it
zinc stirrup
Wait do you think you can take a look at this new poem of mine instead
Yes ofc!
glad hollyBOT
@regal flax is now following @zinc stirrup.
zinc stirrup
<@695418969477087232> is now following <@1396004538544296052>.
Okay so like what am I doing wrong bc I can’t figure this out 😭😭😭
It takes me forever to follow ppl
zinc stirrup
Okay so like what am I doing wrong bc I can’t figure this out 😭😭😭
@regal flax if u don’t mind ofc
regal flax
idk tbh. It wasn't working for me initially either
I'd suggest reloading and trying again
zinc stirrup
Oki
zinc stirrup
I'd suggest reloading and trying again
Lowk can’t figure it out but I’ll follow you back when I do. I always struggle with this and never remember how 😭