You Stayed (I Wish You Didn't)

[fierce dove]

My dreams prevent me
from forgetting your face—
I still remember you.

I thought I could finally rest,
but you still haunt my sleep.

You understood me,
even with your eyes closed.

You saw me—
yet you ignored me.

You saw the shattered pieces,
gathered them,
but never restored their form.

Just as I did for you
I saw you shattered—
I fixed you, didn’t I?

And now that you’re whole,
you’ve thrown me to the rubble.

Was I just your trash back then?
Am I — just a piece of trash to you?
But — I guess that's all I ever was—

I can't complain, not even once
Because after all—
You made me feel something again.

[white storm]

@fierce dove has sent a notification! - @formal mirage @dusky shoal @ionic patrol @wild stump @lusty crow @candid vortex @sharp schooner @solar void @valid coyote @orchid zealot @peak stream @mild bridge @viral gale @bright heron @oblique gyro @soft cloud @oblique nest @tepid vale @mental furnace @molten flower @solar peak @leaden badger @spiral kernel @umbral iris @fluid prawn @onyx crescent @viral heron @viral gale @agile anchor @simple grail @quiet cradle @empty otter @wooden lance @neat fiber @wicked agate @fathom chasm @lime fern @hushed rain @glacial bridge @manic sierra @digital pewter @solid venture @clear sundial @timid arrow @vital bramble @spring fox @odd canopy @lethal lake @spark rapids @hasty badge @hushed cedar @lost chasm @slate citrus @flint gull @elfin parrot @cursive reef @fervent tree @pearl nexus @prisma carbon @sinful mirage @stoic aurora @dense jolt @viral gale @hollow tapir @rustic marsh @tame shale @tiny sigil @quiet jewel @manic bronze @sand thorn @golden dawn @hexed frost @dusky pulsar

[fierce dove]

@languid moon @deep ridge
@hasty violet @pseudo spindle

[viral gale]

Mann... relatable is all id say great work

[hexed frost]

Wow. This poem is beautiful even without rhymes. It's something people can feel even without having experienced the same thing as you did. Good job

[lethal lake]

dave , I never knew you could write in emotions like this

[fierce dove]

thank you very much mate I appreciate it

[fierce dove]

yo thank you very much

[fierce dove]

thanks Icy!

[fierce dove]

@viral gale

[viral gale]

this really hit me, not just because it’s relatable but it feels like it’s talking to me and it feels very personal which i also enjoy

[fierce dove]

thank you

[onyx crescent]

"was i just your trash back then? i guess that's all i ever was — once a nothing, always a nothing."the way it moves from a question to a statement, from pain to a terrifying, final selfjudgment… it’s heartbreaking. i can feel the exhaustion of someone who has tried to fight that feeling for so long and is just… giving in to it

[fierce dove]

thank you so much for the feedback moon i really appreciate it. thank you very much

[pearl nexus]

The title
I just loved thisssssd soooooo much

[fierce dove]

yo thank you very much

[solar void]

wow this reminded me of when i was at my lowest i love this so much

[fierce dove]

thank you very much Audrey!

[solar void]

yeah of course dave

[rustic marsh]

ouch, this hits hard, made me remember someone

[jolly flower]

Like what everyone had said here, I think you had nailed the theme & that express of lingering haunting past.

One thing that I'm not sure is whether it's just 1 pov or 2
Because after "but you still hauny my sleep", the perspective from someone who couldn't sleep suddenly shift to a watcher that haunt.
Was that intentional?

[fierce dove]

yes

[fierce dove]

@neon agate @surreal heath

[dapper oriole]

I deeply relate to it
This feeling of someone thinking they’re trying their best but all they’re doing is trying to panic click a button to a machine that has become obsolete

[hoary oak]

Wonderful! @dapper oriole has just progressed to level 1!

[fierce dove]

thank you very much for the feedback mate

[long badger]

It's either to elusive or too less elaborate for me. Sorry

[fierce dove]

@magic sand @wary ginkgo @fierce fjord

[long badger]

I figure I would personally like it more if you explain on what actually happened instead of straight assertion

[magic sand]

Thanks I'll tag you in mine

@fierce dove sadly this is VERY relatable gang

[fierce dove]

dang

thanks gng

[prime pond]

this ones so relatable agh that feeling of doing so much to please someone but theyre never satisfied and throw you to the side

unfortunately i can relate...its also rough when you want so badly for that person to love you, to stay with them, even though you know you should leave them

[fierce dove]

dang

[fierce dove]

thank you very much mate i really appreciate it

[fierce dove]

@tired jolt i hope you don't mind the ping

[tired jolt]

Ofc not, I love reading your poems

[tired jolt]

It amazing 😍

[fierce dove]

thank you very much! i appreciate it

[tulip sluice]

Hello

[fierce dove]

Hi

[tulip sluice]

Damn bro

I really liked ur poem

The ending hit places

Probably because it's relatable to me

Love it dude

Keep it up gang

[fierce dove]

thank you very much mate I really appreciate it

[tulip sluice]

Ofc man, I know how it feels when someone compliments your work but really you deserve this is a work of genius and art, seriously loved it bro

[clever dock]

Damn this is honestly amazing

I like how it's kinda like numb?

You are an amazing poet man

Geinunely

Love it keep it up!!

[fierce dove]

hey thank you very much mate

[fierce dove]

thank you very much for the heart and the star mate! i really appreciate that compliment mate you gave me. thank you!

[deep ridge]

i love it absolutely

[clever dock]

Yeah, what inspired you for this mate?

[clever dock]

Don't worry I left a star!! This poem by far deserves more than a star. Beautifully written like I can feel the emotions.

[fluid wind]

I absolutely love this. It speaks to me so deeply and answers and hears every sadness and hurt I have felt in a way that's me, and not me.

It was very enjoyable to read

[fierce dove]

@low verge here it is!

[low verge]

It feels really personal Dave, its really touching. I know the feeling alot so it really speaks to me

[fierce dove]

thank you very much mate

i really appreciate it

[low verge]

Could I ping you for one of mine?

[fierce dove]

pls ping me

[low verge]

will do

[willow marsh]

I will read it now

You know I've never actually seen anyone else in here do a renga haiku before, I write rengas from time to time myself. Just for the fact you know the renga form I give this a 10/10 and I love the contents of the renga as well, its a very deep and touching haiku that I can relate to. I really love the first part
''My dream prevents me
from forgetting your face —
I still remember you.''
(very good use of the em dash)
I also really liked
''And now that you’re whole,
you’ve thrown me to the rubble.''
Overall this is a great renga that I will not forget. Thank you for showing me this.

maybe we should collab on a renga sometime, I love them.

[fierce dove]

thank you very much gng

i appreciate it very much

[dull orbit]

Oo this is piercing, the economy of words Is great. It feels very raw and ends beautifully tragic. The language isn’t so ornamental, it feels like someone stripping down everything until the truth of their story remains. Clear.

[fierce dove]

Thank you very much for the feedback

@sharp schooner

@golden dawn

[golden dawn]

Hiya!!

[golden dawn]

I loved how you managed to turn these simple words into poetry and there are so many emotions here! ❤️ I absolutely loved this one as well

[fierce dove]

thank you very much! i appreciate it

[golden dawn]

You are welcome

[languid moon]

wait how come I'm not following you

[white storm]

@languid moon is now following @fierce dove.

[fierce dove]

@trim hazel i hope you don't mind the ping

[trim hazel]

I dont. Whatcha need im free

[upbeat ridge]

I read this before, i liked it, good job

[fierce dove]

W fr

[tulip sluice]

Can u check out my poem gng?

[fierce dove]

sure gng

[tulip sluice]

https://discord.com/channels/944439929734312006/1433657167667400795

[fierce dove]

@blazing jay I'm gonna ping you...
-# if u don't mind

RAWR

[blazing jay]

I love being pinged in poetry

[blazing jay]

Thank you

[hasty violet]

..

[fierce dove]

@lilac forge @visual plaza

[cunning vector]

Hello Dave

Hearted and starred instantly 🗣️ 🔥

[fierce dove]

W FR

[cunning vector]

[fierce dove]

@fossil vine

[fossil vine]

It's terrific, Dave. It's the type of poem that would hit anyone in the feels, but when you're in a similar situation, it feels like you're reliving a moment instead of reading words. Very emotional... I love it. Thank you

[fierce dove]

thank you very much mate

[fierce dove]

@bitter pelican@elder iris@verbal carbon

[hasty violet]

Another Friday feedback with zee..

Hmm there’s soo much to this poem not as in what it is but who wrote it. You have a very structured writing style and this poem is totally opposite of your usual work. Simple bitter yet effective.
The flow of poem was really smooth and it was a grt read.
Thnx for sharing
Well penned mate 🖊️

[fierce dove]

thank you for giving me feedback mate!

[dusky pulsar]

Ooo

I like this

It doesn't have rhyme or meter but u convey the feeling so well

[trim meadow]

*It doesn't have rhyme

or meter but u convey

the feeling so well*

- azars.txt

[dusky pulsar]

Sorry for not responding to this one it was 12 am LOL

Crazy how many followers u have tho

[fierce dove]

oh wait i forgot u alr follow me

[fierce dove]

no worries

[fierce dove]

thank you very much i really appreciate it

[dusky pulsar]

Ofc yw. Can I tag u in one of mine?

[white storm]

@fierce dove is now following @dusky pulsar.

[fierce dove]

yes

[dusky pulsar]

Tyy

[white storm]

@fierce dove is now following @hasty violet.

[fierce dove]

@fiery atlas I hope you don't mind the ping.

[fiery atlas]

Nope! A bit busy so I'll have to get back later, but I'll take a look

[fierce dove]

Thanks!

[hushed cedar]

this is a fire poem

[fierce dove]

Thank you very much!

i appreciate it very much

[hushed cedar]

says the king of poetry

you are literally amzing

[fiery atlas]

This one's good, I relate

Thanks for showing this :D

[fierce dove]

Thank you so much Defect! i appreciate it very much

[fierce dove]

@limber oak

[limber oak]

Damn, the flow js flows, man, reading this feels like someone stabbing my heart ngl

[limber oak]

I pinged u in mine

[fierce dove]

thank you very much mate

[fierce dove]

thank you very much gng. also i received your poem and i like it very much

[fierce dove]

@fathom furnace

[fathom furnace]

This is very raw. Very bitter. Form fits function well in the poem, as does the stripped down language. That's also effective.

Pain, resentment, bitterness, longing, even depression, its all in there.

Pain. From the outset. The combination of line breaks and words in the first stanza creates a slightly jarred, halting cadence. Most effective.

This 2nd stanza does nothing for me. It is the only part of the poem that doesnt.

More to follow when I'm not busy 🙂

[fierce dove]

2nd stanza is filler only with a little bit of poetic

thank you very much for the feedback g

[fierce dove]

@sturdy tartan

[sturdy tartan]

one language feature i particularly enjoyed was the
"you understood me,
even with your eyes closed"
i think this kind of imagery for me caused the most feeling in the poem (other than obviously your woes not being able to forget) but I think that this particularly made me understand the significance and I related and felt the feeling of someone being able to understand you without speaking and trust you without doubt. I think the (metaphor or) language could have been chosen more carefully, like I do a lot I think the idea of only being able to understand someone with closed eyes is not befuddling in any way. I guess it relates to dreams but just reading it raw like that, understanding can involve all the senses, I feel your touch and understand you love me etc. etc. You heard me out even when you closed your ears (hahahah) and yeah I think it's a really powerful imagery and I'm not really in a position to critique that much but I think that developing the signifance of that person and why you dream about them and why they meant so much to you that now you reminisce and cannot forget them. A lovely quote I heard was "It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember." but it could be different for you I mean after all you're experiencing the emotion.

[fierce dove]

wow thank you so much for the amazing descriptive valuable feedback that you gave me

i really appreciated danny thank you very much!

[fierce dove]

thank you very much mate i really appreciated. thank you very much for the star and heart danny! this feedback will surely help me become a better poet

[sturdy tartan]

np yes i'll star I liked it generally too

[austere violet]

It’s good, I’d be a bit more dramatic

[fierce dove]

thanks alexander

[fierce dove]

@austere violet thank you very much mate!

[lean oracle]

woahhh dave dayum that imagery, this reminded me of a poem i once wrote on a similar topic. great work mate!

[fierce dove]

hey thank you so much mate i really appreciate it!

[errant flume]

a truly applaudable work.. Dave.. 👏 👏

[fierce dove]

thank you so much mate

[jade needle]

This pulls on the heart strings, it is beautifully written. It conveys your emotion as well as your hope in the situation. A lingering/capping feeling of, hopelessness and acceptance. Beautiful friend, and thank you for keeping your lantern lit through whatever journey you faced to create this. ❤️

[fierce dove]

thank you very much

i really appreciate it

[quiet wharf]

i really like this !!
the almost hypophoric ending is especially resonant - coupled with the direct address this speaks very strongly of betrayal, but retains sophistication almost in defiance

[hoary oak]

Wonderful! @quiet wharf has just progressed to level 2!

[fierce dove]

thank you so much for the feedback i really appreciate it. i'm glad you like it

[verbal carbon]

This is nice

"Forgetting your face" is nice alliteration, I think it's interesting how the subject of this poem has the capacity to truly understand the narrator but chooses not to. That's truly devastating

The "you saw the shattered piecws" stanza is a great metaphor and probably the best monent of the poem

I like endings that thud so I think "Once a nothing, always a nothing" is a great mic drop moment

[fierce dove]

thank you very much mate!

[fierce dove]

@red citrus

[fierce dove]

@solar void

[solar void]

Yeah?

[fierce dove]

i made a poem

[solar void]

Don't worry I already saw this

[fierce dove]

oh

oh wait i forgot

what teh heck

[solar void]

It's alright

Get your rest

[fierce dove]

W fr

[empty otter]

Dave… no words

[fierce dove]

@nova smelt here it is!

[nova smelt]

[fierce dove]

thank you so much!

[nova smelt]

I'm a nothing, to someone else or twice.

So, I feel it.

[fierce dove]

@faint pollen

[faint pollen]

wow.

I feel it in a deeper level than I'll ever know. Beautiful format expressing heartbreak and betrayal.

[hoary oak]

Wonderful! @faint pollen has just progressed to level 1!

[fierce dove]

thank you very much i really appreciate it

[faint pollen]

: )

[trail mason]

past two poems have been very relatable

[fierce dove]

@naive burrow

[fierce dove]

@mellow siren

[prisma carbon]

This tripped me up because I go by Zee on another server 😭

also @fierce dove this is fire, ngl

[fierce dove]

hey thank you so much bro i really appreciate it

[viral gale]

Ping

[wild moat]

'Tis a matter of fact, I see,
For dreams of essence, Ever be,
Thrown or shattered, In dismay,
I just hope that, They find the day;
Which is only made for them feelings.

[proper pelican]

really relatable i like how authentic it is poetic yet raw

[fierce dove]

@vapid tendon

[vapid tendon]

Your raw imagery & repetition makes the emotional betrayal linger long after the last line. 👍