Jesus doesn't want me for a sunbeam.

[tropic stag]

By : Gracela . A // Ladymoonbeam

jesus doesn’t want me for a sunbeam
i am the flicker before the bulb dies

the prayer that forgets its words halfway
the sinner who still sings softly

in the dust of an unfinished heaven
still waiting for the silence to mean something.

[spark zinc]

@tropic stag has sent a notification! - @neat wind @warm wren @summer zealot @hollow garden @reef salmon @calm sorrel @west garden @plain juniper @halcyon nexus @little pewter @winter cliff @bitter zealot @proper dragon @tired aspen @haughty sigil @pine quartz @robust sage @vagrant crown @bitter zealot

[tropic stag]

@loud python @royal crown @upbeat yacht @fading inlet @carmine zinc

@brisk blade @quick hatch

<@&1145760802666717234>

[bitter zealot]

a beautiful, short and evocative piece

[tropic stag]

Thankyou sir Ishy^^

[haughty sigil]

this is really nice a lot has been said in such short lines and i like the the couplets

[tropic stag]

Tysm Vindi! I really wanted it to feel quiet but heavy, so im glad that came through^^

[loud python]

nice bby

[tropic stag]

My love, my hearts unseen cathedral
I thank thee in the tongue of stars ❤️

[vagrant crown]

this is the shortest poem ive seen thats actually good

how do you do it

[tired aspen]

Hello there my @tropic stag. I know I have been tagged long ago, but unfortunately my work irl has been eating up too much of my time. That being said, I'm finally in a position to properly review this. I hope you can pardon my delay

[tired aspen]

Hmm...

The poem isn't rhyming or metrical, making it a Free Verse.

It is effectively a single big sentence (No capitalisations or punctuations until the end). I feel like this is to indicate a continuous stream of thought perhaps? Then again, thoughts do take their time. So maybe this is a 'flickering thought' - a small moment of introspection and not a whole mental breakdown.

Maybe, amongst the various thoughts that our mind processes on a day to day basis, this is merely a small blip; a sudden realisation or moment of doubt, that is swiftly pushed to the edge and not revisited until much later.

The last stanza tho is a especially interesting to me. the dust of an unfinished heaven- unfinished heaven... what does this mean? I feel like I'm missing an important piece of the puzzle here, something that leads to a deeper meaning than whatever I've just analysed; and I feel like this is key to it. Could you please help me out here? I'm confounded on what this could be.

If we move past that, and only focus on my current (half-baked ) interpretation, I think that you anyways did a very good job!

Usually I'm a bit skeptical of this genre, but I think it can definitely be pulled off with the right imagery and constraint usage. Your imagery remains as good as ever, and the underlying messaging via formatting definitely elevates this Free Verse into that territory.

What I'm trying to say is, W poem like always 🥰