#The holy collection of thine eye (2 poems unfinished) someone read my poem💔

1 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

viral zenith
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Yeah the plan please ignore it

wet garnetBOT
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@bronze iris is now following @viral zenith.

viral zenith
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I would like a critique please of the poem would be nice if someone read it or gave interpretation of how they view the poem or what went well it’s still in progress so it’s not perfect.

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@normal depot I

normal depot
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Tomorrow's good with you mate?

viral zenith
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Yeah it’s fine

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😭

viral zenith
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I feel like I don’t meet that many brits here or anyone that does it for a level 💔

normal depot
normal depot
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Also, not professionally studying English. Learning Engineering, though I've been writing off-and-on for like 5 years.

viral zenith
viral zenith
normal depot
normal depot
viral zenith
normal depot
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Everyone is competing for relevance here if I'm being real. I do respect the hustle tho.

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Its just 2:30am here, so no way any review I give rn is gonna be of any use to you 💀

viral zenith
viral zenith
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@teal oracle

teal oracle
viral zenith
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I’m not too sure

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I will repost it

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Maybe it was a glitch

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The Holy Collection of Thine Eye : Night

Oh candle, candle.
Burning bright into the night
Looking oh so right
Oh candle,candle
Upon ye return
Alongside the darkness of the night.
You call my name oh holy night,
Father call upon me on this hour,
Before the fire of your name,
Burns out tonight,
Oh candle, candle
Are we safe Tonight?
Oh so heavenly right
Doust thou see within thine eyes
My passion sparkling in eye -
In what ravishing manner?
In what night?

Oh candle, candle.
I call upon ye name,
During my tears of sorrow-
Oh the despair!
Desolation of my eye
I call upon you tonight
When I’m alone at twilight
Looking up to the Azul sky
Dry my tears
With thy hands of life;
Make me strong enough to fly.
Oh candle, candle
Don’t turn your face;
Stay straight and face the violence of two nights.

Don’t hear the colossal decay
Or the bursting rifle in air
Don’t watch the crimson ruin
Or the shackled child’s despair
That do cry out from their mind.

Or the fallen soul
Screaming out of anguish
Perishing from ear to ear.
They all call out the same
In a way of the mundane
Facing the same disdain
Of the candle that doth not dare-
That doth not answer
To their misfortune or their tune
The requiem of tonight
That doth refuse a melody
Hearing the outcry of its creation
Throughout a nation.

The holy collection of Thine Eye : Death (second night)

Upon her body lay remains,
Reminiscent of a body that once echoed aloud,
Thrown into the crowd,
Her body lay bare,
Oh what a sight to bear!

The youthful harlot played out again,
A candle for her own gain,
In alleys dim and feeble,
Beside her the candle trembles,
For the spirit didn’t light,
Or nor did it wield it’s might,
For she is damned,
Contaminated and the spirit knoweth not

Man of the hour, man of shame
Each did ask for her name,
In quarters so dark,
The midnight did fall.
In their pockets so deep,
Their coins did draw,
Within their eyes, the candle did melt;
For they did not know,
They did not recognise,
The candle they call but ne’er to know,
In her mouth the words of prayer,
But in her body, the men did dwell,
Indeed, inside, she fractured -
How could she not see?

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@teal oracle

teal oracle
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Looking forward to the finished peices!

viral zenith
viral zenith
teal oracle
viral zenith
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