the balustrade.

[tropic patrol]

*lately,
I feel like a worn out stair—
each step is a storm as I bend and groan.
raindrops let go of my weathered windowsills,
distorted reflections of bygone tomorrows.

the grieving gravity
is a temptation to my collapse
but I find myself grip on your sturdy railing—
my hard-earned grit trembles,
my hopeful glint dims,
but you remain beside me, firmly upright
and unwavering.

the weather
is a dead living room floor—
breezes of vacancy shake my crooked back,
while I sit through the calendar tearing apart
into tattered months on my cold, wet hands.

then I lean beside your oaken pillars
and clasp every edge of
your carefully carved comfort—
my wounded, barefoot will meets the plight
made of surgical-spirited tiles,
for what is honest healing if it doesn't
dare to burn at first?

and now
the gloomy gashes slowly rust,
so is the steel sadness tarnishing as I breathe—
the tender morning air intrudes the cruel cracks
of barren walls that once felt like home to me.

you hold my fragmented body
with a lacquer embrace—a coat of vigor
draped onto life's dull promenade.
as I learn to reascend
from the aftermath of dismal dread,

I swear to stand firmly upright beside you
my balustrade.*

Based on metaphors from associations of everyday life by @nova aurora. I'm not even sure if I did the daily prompt right 😭

[stray coyote]

@tropic patrol has sent a notification! - @real jay @flat dove @glass quarry @modern violet @daring stratus @quaint void @sullen sinew

[quaint void]

Ahhh it's so beautiful this is a masterpiece 😭 😭 😭
And that closing lines
“as I stand firmly upright by your side, my balustrade.”
it lands like closure, like a deep exhale Woww I loved it mitchyy

[tropic patrol]

I've been hesitating a while to use the balustrades as someone who's by your side through difficult times so THANK YOUUUUU

[quaint void]

I love that. Sometimes the words we hesitate to use end up being the ones that make the piece unforgettable and that’s exactly what happened here

[tropic patrol]

@flat dove secondary p i n g

[tropic patrol]

@weary portal

[sage ledge]

Brilliant metaphor, it works so well— simple, effective, understandable!

The penultimate stanza and the few before that are pure gold, I don't usually lean towards free verse poems but I really enjoyed this one

The idea & the execution work so well together

And the verse length sort of evokes a feeling of stairs

Going up in length, down in length

I really enjoyed it mate!

[tropic patrol]

Hah, I didn't intend to had the verse lengths feel like stairs (the original verse structures of this poem were CHONKY and paragraph-like) but looking back at it I can totally see what you mean

But also THANK YOUUUUU SO MUCH for your thoughts on the poem, I was anxious to write this one because I haven't written emotions and the situations in a way like this related to some mundane parts of a house so I'm truly grateful

This also happens to be the first time I learned the British term surgical spirit is such a poetic term compared to its more known term rubbing alcohol

[sage ledge]

Well, it really works! The whole collective feeling demonstrates it

I remember an exam a while ago, our unseen poetry was about a table (it was called 'The Table' I think) and it was such a regular object but emotion can be presented through such a simple thing so well

[sage ledge]

Definitely, it fits in well!

[tropic patrol]

@vocal lynx

[vocal lynx]

Honestly, insane piece, I'm in love-

Your opener lately, / I feel like a worn out stair- IMMEDIATELY i'm in awe
So simple yet so intense, it's immediately hooking me in and I want to read more - it's such a powerful opener. It's giving me like, connotations of feeling like people using you, wearing you out and just feeling eh - like mediocre and used for what? I also really enjoy how you've expanded it again after the pause too - each step is a storm is so insanely powerful, emphasising the intense emotion - and i feel it as i'm reading

I like the way you've formatted this, so that every stanza begins with an insanely powerful image (also grieving gravity INSANE alliteration, i steal ) - altho, I would be careful of this as it could potentially feel overwhelming - but here has a really good balance so I wouldn't worry too much :D. You're very imagistic, and you can very clearly see what is happening, and I really enjoy that (as an aphantasiac, the poetical explanation of what the setting is, is always helpful, lmao)

I struggled a little bit with the final stanza, it feels a little wordy at times? Maybe just a me thing tho - I felt like it didn't hit as hard as the rest of the piece for me - altho it is a very beautiful picture you're building here

I adore the contrast between the title's "the balustrade" and the final line "my balustrade" - it feels like the overarching story kinda is like, accepting the pain as your own; that it is part of your story and reclaiming it almost? at least, that would be my interpretation

insanely great piece overall tho,
favourite segment would have to be going from stanza 2-3, the images are so raw and visceral and I love

(sorry it took me a bit, I got halfway through then disrupted by an outing :<)

[tropic patrol]

I can definitely agree that looking back, the last stanza is kinda not vibing with the rest of the otherwise previous stanzas (I was getting close to the point of simply finishing the poem so I could get over it because of the challenge of hastily writing the entirety of it 😭 I should definitely alter the last stanza

The balustrade in the poem is a metaphor for a person who remains steadfast in the challenges of life, and one who you can hold onto, the way a literal balustrade guides you from going up and down the stairs. I kinda see what you mean with your interpretation like in a way that means acknowledging your pain as you get through it until as it gets far past you now.

Also thank you so much for your thoughts on this asfjgsjffhgjk

[tropic patrol]

So I decided to indeed revise the poem and planning to use this as the last stanza:

you hold my fragmented body
with a lacquer embrace bleeding with zest
onto life's dull promenade—
as I learn to reascend
from the aftermath of dismal dread,
I swear to stand firmly upright by your side,
my balustrade.

Would this do?

[vocal lynx]

I would
Remove the “with zest”
Then isolate “I swear to stand…my baulstrade” as a couplet at the end and it’s be perfect imo

[tropic patrol]

Ah, perhaps the 'with zest' made 'with' redundant and 'zest' displaces the rhythm

I should've mentioned a lacquer embrace is supposed to use the lacquer's purpose of polishing/enhancing a material's color, the way that such embrace would bring the speaker's life back into color.

With your suggestions in mind, I decided to:

1. Emphasize it as with a lacquer embrace—a coat of vigor instead that's draped onto life's dull promenade (coat to put a layer of vigor on like the coat (clothing) dressed on someone's shoulders)

2. I isolated the last two lines as a final couplet. At first I'm a little hesitant to do that because it breaks the poem's consistent pattern of alternating 5-liner stanzas and 7-liner stanzas, but it looks pretty good

[modern violet]

.

Soda this future icy

le

[modern violet]

we r doing this one NOW

okok

[late burrow]

.

[modern violet]

.

[modern violet]

past icy we literally got banned what do u want

[modern violet]

little did this twink know, he will not have sodaed the poem

[stray coyote]

@tropic patrol has sent a notification! - @real jay @flat dove @glass quarry @modern violet @daring stratus @quaint void @sullen sinew @late burrow @native oxide @halcyon tangle @pseudo timber @unborn cedar @woven sable @alpine venture @lavish gate @hoary fjord @hollow hatch @umbral grove @west loom @fervent root @vestal quartz @astral solstice @normal storm @graceful wolf @weary burrow @glacial haven