#Faith Is a Kind of Gravity

39 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

median tinsel
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*I’ve made friends with wishes—blind, nameless things.
They sleep beside me, fearing idle nights,
So I cup them in my chest, whispering a lullaby,
As if warmth alone could teach a glow to stay.

And I wonder—if they slipped from my arms,
Would I still trace the sky for their spectre?
It hums softly in my palm, as if to ask the same,
While we walk dry earth under a cracked-bowl moon.

Algorithms hum, yet no pulse stirs the screen;
It streams gold, flawless—struggle unseen.
I fear my dreams are too slow, too behind,
Writing in static hymns, too human for their kind.

Still, they bleed like dusk through every vein;
I hold their hands and dance through every sprain,
Sewing constellations into our hearts—
The ones I once thought were just promised charts.

They don’t know my schedule, the ache in my eyes;
My lungs feel hollow, yet they teach me to breathe.
We are fragile saints of the sightless—willful pilgrims
Wordless, weightless, still walking, still hoping,

That faith is a kind of gravity too.*

leaden vigilBOT
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@median tinsel has sent a notification! - @nimble sedge @strong dawn @hot plume @peak inlet @violet solstice @quick totem @tepid bough @abstract tusk @proper lagoon @analog jolt @bleak comet @steel kelp @candid helm @grave harbor @reef prawn

median tinsel
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@teal ice

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@glass knot

brittle bolt
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Dark souls 3

teal ice
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I know I've been putting off reviews for quite a while BTW. I must apologize for that. There's just a lot going on. 😕

leaden vigilBOT
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@teal ice is now following @median tinsel.

teal ice
# median tinsel YES

Im glad you would think so highly of me mate 🙂

I'll try to get back to review as soon as possible.

median tinsel
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@hazy sequoia @tender harbor

median tinsel
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@gusty shale @maiden oriole

hot plume
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love the message bro and the image is very fitting!

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ending is sooo fire

median tinsel
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@raven plover

median tinsel
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@fluid yew

median tinsel
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@ocean portal

hazy sequoia
# median tinsel *I’ve made friends with wishes—blind, nameless things. They sleep beside me, fea...

“As if warmth alone could teach a glow to stay.” man this line is stunning in its vulnerability. ur trying to keep hope alive thru sheer presence, thru care. “While we walk dry earth under a cracked-bowl moon.” wow the imagery here is stark yet poetic. the world is harsh n broken fr but yr still walking, accompanied. “I fear my dreams are too slow, too behind, Writing in static hymns, too human for their kind.” wow this hurts with truth. In a world that values speed and polish, our messy, heartfelt efforts can feel obselete

wheat flicker
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It’s good

oak mural
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What? Still here?

teal ice
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Hi there. Sorry for not being able to reply sooner. In between exam preparations and the coming of the Hindu New Year, I've been very preoccupied with chores.

Lets give this a proper review, shall we?

oak mural
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Dear brother… rise if you would… for that is our curse

teal ice
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Imma take this as a yes, and start the review @median tinsel

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Well, @hazy sequoia mentions a lot of the good points already I see. Pretty solid analysis from him 🔥

teal ice
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Here's my take on the whole thing:

  1. See, if we look at the poem as a whole, I get the feeling that this is about a narrator who realizes that his dreams, aspirations and creativity are quickly fleeting away (I'm a genius for figuring this out. I know 😌). Stanza 1 is clearly talking about this. The personification of your dreams as like a child that you hold onto dearly was a deep and powerful personification, which is most apt for something so emotional and personal. Stanza 2 begins introducing us to the fears of the narrator, who wonders what he'll if his dreams all fail tomorrow. But what I found most interesting was this kinda turn in Stanza 3. It talks about the hum of an algorithm and 'flawless streams of gold' which are produced ostensibly 'without struggle'. I think Stanza 3 really gives great context to the poem. I think what it signifies is that the author is specifically worried about the present exponential rise in technology (particularly AI) and worried that their individuality will not be recognised or appreciated by the masses, and instead be used to 'Feed the Machine'. Their dreams are in existential danger, and their creativity could very well get stifled in this new age. Stanza 4 does reaffirm your belief in your dreams, and your hope to succeed despite the hardships of the modern age, and Stanza 5 ties all these sentiments up together for a spectacular ending.

  2. The poem is practically written in Free Verse (with the occasional rhyme, sure), so there's no scope of commentating on poetic constraints like Rhyme Schemes or Metrical Feet. The other aspect of a poem which are Poetic Devices appear to be well taken care of here. Your imageries are spot on. Stanzas 1 and 2 really make it feel like you're hugging your Dreams and kinda holding onto them like a parents comforting a child.

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  1. ... Meanwhile, the unfeeling hum of algorithms and the fear rhat your unique aspirations wont make the cut in this increasingly 'Standardised' post-Modern culture is really a message I'm sure many of us are feeling now as AI progresses monumentally. It felt read nice to read such clear and cohesive stuff.

  2. I'm a bit confused about the title and the concept art tho. It doesn't seem to fit with what I interpreted, so I wonder if maybe I'm wrong about this whole thing 😅 Do lmk if I went off the rails here mate.

If you've seen my reviews on other poems, you'll see that they're usually much larger. So, you might think that maybe I'm just lowballing it here and trying to quickly sift through this poem without giving it a deeper thought. But let me assure you, this is 💯% not the case! I sincerely love this poem. The concept is pertinent, the execution is excellent and the poetic devices are pristine! Why, I'd even say its amongst the best poems I've read on this server. It's unfortunately IMMENSELY underrated right now. I literally have no changes I'd like to propose!

The reason why this is, in my opinion, is becoz of the fact its a Free Verse. Most people here probably briskly read through the poem without putting too much thought into it, and this idea is reinforced when they realise that this poem is "just another Free Verse". Imo if you were to write this same poem with a few more constraints (rhyme scheme, meter or both - up to you really) and explain said constraints after the poem, it'd encourage the readers to go through the poem again to spot these caveats and maybr make them appreciate the poem more 🙂 At present, there's just too many Free Verses whose quality range immensely, so its possible that gems like these get 'lost in the crowd'.

Do note though, these are just my own thoughts here. I'm not proclaiming this as some "universal truth", its all just personal opinions 😅

teal ice
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@median tinsel what do ya think?

median tinsel
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Thank you so much!! I'm honored for this poem to be one of your favorites on this server, @teal ice!

teal ice
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And I, for my part, must apologise for the huge delay I've caused SobbinTheLanaDelReyOut 🙏

vocal totemBOT
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*And I, for my part,

must apologise for the

huge delay I've caused 🙏*

teal ice
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Bro

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You mind if I tag you in my recent poem too @median tinsel?

teal ice
maiden oriole
remote furnace
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Wow this is beautiful