#Morning Glory

5 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

austere osprey
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very beautiful

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I have little to offer you except praise, but I really enjoy this poem 🙂

twilit pawn
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This is indescribably delicate, like the minuscule splash dewdrops make. Even if there are times where the musicality is interrupted by the purity, and some verses which could flow much better for just one extra syllable or shift into an iamb (For example, you could slot a "do" in between "worms" and "coil" or replace "raising" for "he raises ' (hi)s", this piece in particular has A TON of potential rhythmic paces to its name.

Other than that, it successfully paints a picture that doesn't leave any blank spots on the canvas. The incrimination of the rain for the mother's distress to the father's upset, and lastly the lyric voice's place of rejoice, in addition to the faultless imagery of wet tree barks perfectly frame a homey snapshot that is merciless and unpredictable in ways comparable to nature itself.

This work achieves one of the-in my opinion-primary objectives of poetry: that one person may look at it differently across different stages of their life. Remember the varying rhythms? That too. Say, the first time I read this I took a calm, introspective approach, and frankly did not notice the attempts of rhyme. However, the third time I did, and I understood a more light and sequenced tempo, like that of multiple raindrops hitting a surface. What I'm trying to say is that, the interpretative versatility you have come up with has me absolutely astonished.

Next I would like to comment on the downright mastery of balancing sensory elements; smell (petrichor, beer, morning air, wood, moss, pottery, asphyxiation); touch (roughness, glassiness, wetness, metal, scars); sight (tree stumps, a home, light refraction through the mizzly air-colors of morning glory-in hues of violet, scraped human skin / facial expressions of anger, grief, rejoice); hearing (rain dripping, splashing mud puddles, contorting figures, creaking clay); even taste, but go figure... Not to mention the final verse, which extraordinarily settles the lyric self, denoting awareness. Kudos!

hoary slate
twilit pawn
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My pleasure, really hope this helps in someway or another to shape future works of you, have a great day!