mellow palm
Telling me everything while not hearing a single word of mine
I think it's a crime to waste someone's of their
precious time
Cause LIFE is TIME, once that time's gone your life's gone
speaking facts is my only role
Being a realist is my only goal
-Remedy
(All the comments are welcomed) 💫
Go comments smth
vivid barn
sounds more of a motivational quote than a poem
gives off a bit of a rap battle kind of vibe
small dagger
i won't give u harsh criticism
that's useless
I'll help u fix ur poem
second line, "I think it's a goddamn crime to waste someone's time"- grammatically correct, and retains syllable flow while contributing to ur rap-ish cadence.
the rest is dope, v short poem so don't got much to say but ye, i enjoyed reading this fr
mellow palm
gives off a bit of a rap battle kind of vibe
Well I can't disagree Im into rap so it bled out, thanks for the commnet 😁 😄
mellow palm
second line, "I think it's a goddamn crime to waste someone's time"- grammatical...
Yoooo I appreciate the comment from the depths of my soul!!! And yeah I will consider the suggestion whole heartedly! Thanks for commenting!! ❤️ 😁
flint cliff
Ok I really like this short poem, it shows clearly the message and make it good to understand ☺️
So first I would have written the two first lines together without a gap in between, and eventually also add more commas or shift to make clear how to read it because the verses are pretty long which don’t bother me and is nice but it’s just not that easy to read without shift or comma…
Also you could find a rhyme for this part “ ‘cause life is time, once that time’s gone your life’s gone” and maybe cursive would be a better choice instead of caps lock
It’s like caps lock make it so not serious, but actually it sounds serious to me but to see caps lock seems not that good.
And actually I associate very strong “life is time and time is money” because I just heard it so often from some people, it’s somehow disturbing for me. Then reading life is time in a different context is somehow weird. But here you also could also write about the Transience of life and describe it further, because it would be beautiful to read about it as I love this topic.
mellow palm
Ok I really like this short poem, it shows clearly the message and make it good ...
🤔 Interesting CAPS analysis, true the lines can be smoothly transitioned if I tried smth else....ohhh I can write on and on about the "transience of life" part but I think I will save it for the future if I ever wrote a book and it give it time to become even more "mature".... ❤️ 😄 And yeah thanks for reading my post!!!
flint cliff
If there will be a book or other texts, let me know
I would be happy to read, about the “transience of life” 🫶🏻