#Love Means You: A Lingual Ode - Ivy

135 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

eternal rivet
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Love Means You: A Lingual Ode

As the apricity that tempers me,
In the heart of winters
Love means you, liebe,
As I carve your name on the snow,
Gently tracing it with my fingers.

Love means you, prem,
The transient feeling of angst,
Whenever I say things I can not do.
Affection, being so tethered,
My inaudible hums make a sound.

Love means you, amore
Limerence I have long since lost control of
I can forget every name,
But never, ever yours.
In my head, it is a contourn.

The torture of velleity,
I want to do, not lie in angst
Love means you,
Or perhaps it means way more,
But I don't care now, my amor.

I do not understand such upendo,
Or any enigmatic innuendo
But love means you
And that's all I know,
Let me show.

Our perciflage,
It should fade with the tides of age,
Love means you, liefde,
It shall not ever fade
For I am here to love you.

Ah, precarious structure, wrang,
I say, love means you, sarang,
Not proper to spell in slang,
Love is not all about fame,
For us, it shall be about flames.

For even with all your crookedness,
Love means you, rakkaus,
I find them cute, not overwhelming,
For you, I will always be here,
If you wish to speak, I shall hear

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@patent tulip

patent tulip
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Your poem is stunning.. it reads like a love story told through languages and emotions. I really admire how each stanza captures a different shade of love, from longing to comfort, using such rich and thoughtful words.

eternal rivet
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@steel ridge

eternal rivet
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@solid flare

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Love Means You: A Lingual Ode - Ivy

solid flare
eternal rivet
eternal rivet
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@frank vessel

eternal rivet
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@lapis sky @lofty drum @lone coyote @patent tulip @solemn minnow @stone dagger any feedback would greatly help:)

odd tinsel
eternal rivet
lapis sky
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i really love it i love it so much

eternal rivet
odd tinsel
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hi^^ I did feedback this piece already tho

eternal rivet
eternal rivet
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@nova cypress

half ivy
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Loveeee the vocabulary choices in this one. It also keeps a nice meter

eternal rivet
eternal rivet
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@patent tulip

patent tulip
# eternal rivet <@456226577798135808>

this is an interesting, clever poem. the use of different languages in each stanza was a clever little touch. your vocabulary in this is not elevated as such, but you use beautifully evocative words. limerence, aspiricity, contourn, velleity, perciflage- these are words of a higher register surrounded by a cadence quite similar to everyday dialogue, and the contrast is a pretty cool one, because it rly draws attention to those words and deepens their impact.

that said, there are a couple of grammatical flaws and areas that could do with some smoothening, and here they are:
a) no comma required in the first line, let it flow
As the apricity that tempers me
In the midst of this wintry land,
Love for me means you, liebe,
I carve your name into [not on] powdered snow
Whispering secrets only you and I know.

b) put a hyphen or a full stop after the first line, coz these are different sentences
Love, for me, is muhabbat, meri jaan;
The stabbing burden of angst
I commit, and then I flake
It's a sensation I cannot shake
Betrays itself with trembling hands
And inaudible hums that not a sound can make.

c) this third stanza works pretty well, it's one of ur stronger ones. just a minor correction- it's contour, not contourn- that's prolly a typo.

d) angst is used a second time here and it feels a bit stale. i removed velleity and replaced it with what the word is trying to say- take a look.

I want it, but not enough
Love, to me, is you,
My diamond in the rough,
Or perhaps it means more
But I don't care anymore, mi amor

e) "let me show" is a bit abrupt
maybe go for smth like

But love, to me, means you
And that is all I know now
I love you so, let me show you how

f) again for flow
Our perciflage
Should fade with age
My love, my liefde
Will last forever
I love you, my dear

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bit on the longish side but im assuming that's what u wanted since u pinged me for feedback 😅

eternal rivet
patent tulip
eternal rivet
# patent tulip ofc

my adhd is not letting me like read it all the way but I tend to skim through it so i apologize..if I don’t fix certain things about it :)

patent tulip
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just go thru it in bits and pieces ig

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i broke it up into several sections

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so read 2 sections at a time maybe?

unkempt tendon
eternal rivet
odd tinsel
eternal rivet
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my eyes widened when I saw a whole bunch of words- soo I apologize u don’t have to do anything 😭

odd tinsel
slender chasmBOT
eternal rivet
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@whole moat

eternal rivet
odd tinsel
patent tulip
patent tulip
odd tinsel
patent tulip
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if it's post-modernist stuff then I'll be out of my depth because i dont write or enjoy that kinda stuff

odd tinsel
eternal rivet
pure kernel
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I love the idea 💡

patent tulip
eternal rivet
uneven vine
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someone pinged me but idk who

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but either way your getting sodaed

eternal rivet
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Is it bad?

uneven vine
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sooooo justsay yes or no to the soda treatment:DDDD

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most people say yes , and I will soda the poem

eternal rivet
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Am I not getting what the soda is-

eternal rivet
uneven vine
eternal rivet
uneven vine
# eternal rivet Am I not getting what the soda is-

welll umm yk soda a poem, like give it a soda, pepsi and coca(feedback) soda skim(first read), soda analysis(deep dive) and soda overview(summery of thoughts)and carbonation(giving it a personal thought)

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rn I am sodaing a poem for darvenor

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sooo in a bit I miht le:0

eternal rivet
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uhhh yes?

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sure?

eternal rivet
uneven vine
eternal rivet
uneven vine
eternal rivet
eternal rivet
next vapor
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What Works Well
Multilingual refrain: “Love means you” followed by a different word for “love” in each stanza (liebe, prem, amore, upendo, liefde, sarang, rakkaus) is fantastic. It makes the poem feel global and timeless.
Unique diction: Words like apricity, velleity, perciflage show a rich vocabulary and thoughtfulness.
Recurring anchor: The constant “Love means you” ties all the stanzas together, which is important in a poem this wide-ranging

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Keep the multilingual “love means you” structure, it’s the poem’s strongest feature.
Focus on imagery and rhythm over complex vocabulary in places where it distracts.
Tie the first image (snow/apricity) to the ending (flames/heat) for a full-circle feeling.

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I hope that helps a lil

eternal rivet
next vapor
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You could send a DM so we could talk more if you want

spare pagoda
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ping :?

eternal rivet
spare pagoda
eternal rivet
spare pagoda
# eternal rivet Love Means You: A Lingual Ode As the apricity that tempers me, In the heart o...

Love that you used words of different languages, it created a nice rhythm to it.

A lot of the words, I had to look up T_T . But it can be difficult to use rare words and words with complex meanings, so kudos!

Some of the lines are very clever and descriptive.

"As the apricity that tempers me,
In the heart of winters"

"I can forget every name,
But never, ever yours.
In my head, it is a contour."

"Our perciflage,
It should fade with the tides of age—"

These have got to be my favourite lines.

You should go over the poem again and try to perfect some lines, check for spelling errors. But other than that, it's a good read and wholesome. Ty for sharing V.

eternal rivet
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I guess..V is my new nickname-

spare pagoda
spare pagoda
marble ore
# eternal rivet Love Means You: A Lingual Ode As the apricity that tempers me, In the heart o...

This poem is a beautiful exploration of love, capturing its complexities and emotions through a multilingual approach, emotional depth, vivid imagery, and playful language. The incorporation of words like "liebe," "prem," "amore," and "sarang" adds a unique touch, showcasing the universality of love. The poem conveys the intensity of love, from angst to affection, and the speaker's willingness to endure challenges for their beloved. However, some lines may benefit from rephrasing for clarity, and the structure and rhythm could be improved for a smoother flow. The repetition of "Love means you" is effective, but slight variations could maintain its impact. Adding more emotional resolution or closure could balance out the angst and longing. Despite these areas for improvement, the poem's heartfelt emotions, creative language, and romantic sentiment make it a lovely expression of love, with potential to be even more impactful with refinement.

patent tulip
eternal rivet
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even if it’s a small one..

eternal rivet
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@daring prawn

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:)

daring prawn
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whattt

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this is so eloquent and exception use of vocabularyyy

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I love it and the difference languages 😩

eternal rivet
daring prawn
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of courseeee

patent tulip
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like cmon

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do better

eternal rivet
uneven vine
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.

eternal rivet
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but hello icy again

uneven vine
uneven vine
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hru

eternal rivet
uneven vine
uneven vine
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.

uneven vine
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Okay

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Soda Overview

To me I think this poem is about love, and not just about love but all forms that love takes and the tension caused and that comes as a consequence of loving someone, both the universal part of loving someone and the more abstract and intangible parts of loving someone, the pain of loving someone in all forms it takes, whether it be angst, limerence and velleity, but it all feels encapsulated by this feeling of being devoted to the subject your discussing, the love in mind here.

Soda analysis

** Section: 1**

So, the way this opens is quite delightful personally, It kind of reminds of a a serein and flowery kind of starting point, purplish at times but I do think that it does fit the vibe here and is used quite effectively especially when u use the beautiful and rare word "apricity"(Which means the warmth of winter sun which does make me interpret it as the warmth to you the source of delight in the freezing shared reality u two have which is very sweet ), which makes it feel like it is taking the point of the poem seriously and I think I do find that earnest and lovely. And then the next few lines say “Love means you, liebe,” which is German, meaning love, which makes me think that either the speaker or the subject is German or there is a connection between the people and the language, like a lingual thread if you will. And when you transition to the later sections of the poem with the images of carving names into snow, which almost feels transient, and is a foreshadowing of the impending fragility of said love in the other coming parts of the poem.

Section : 2

Okay so, on this section this section is about the inner turmoil of loving someone, to love someone and having a burden upon yourself, the consequences of devotion and here the language switches to hindi, and here I am starting to think instead of somethin specific it is more of saying the exact words in different other languages, showing that love is universal, something more inherent to the human experience, and with the risks of promising something that you “cant do” due to that pulsating and rushing feeling that love tense to give you and the self imposed burden you have due to it; which does in a very good way connect with the idea of being tetherefd, suggesting to be inlove is to be unfree, to have your free will taken, and showing a particular way this burden comes up, tho not as specific as I like, still skillful tho, showing a very tangel “angst” that the poem demonstrates here with quite the tight control which I do love, then the part where u say “My inaudible hums make a sound.” which in my understanding is you manifesting a voice of your own through love of love gaining centience do to the passion and devotion you give it. And italian is where things turn when u again repeat love but in italian there, which feels like a slight jap at the italians which Idk if it is inetional but I hate the italians so tis okiez, and it turns to limerence, that warmth love leaves a purple bruise of heat or in your own words “Limerence I have long since lost control of I can forget every name” which I read as forget everyones name but you so you can specify that section minor nitpick but yeah:>, that is about the consequences that come w loving someone, very good tho so yeah. I really liked that. And one major line “Contour”, which I am sure everyone else has pointed out to, is mistaken not sure if it is intentional or not but yeah, which is representing the outlining of the beloved kinda creating this nice blank space where they are suppose to be but aren't, where it leaves you with a mark kind of that feeling of them lingering like a shadow or more specifically a line shape, which I really enjoyed.

uneven vine
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Section: 3

I heard someone say once, I cant leave because the act of pretending to be in love is more easier than confronting the truth of my human condition- some lady at a bus stail 2025

Besides that, I think this section is quite of a momentum push for the entire poem which I find really really nice, the phrase “torture of velleity” has got to be one of my favorite phrases from this poem. I am stealing it(the coupon by me never expires), and it shows that you are stuck in this state and calls it out within the poem. I find that quite inspiring, and the love comes back with a but which is a very good use of refrain that I absolutely adore in here.and here again you use “Liefd” (which is Afrikaans,) signaling back to saying that this form of torture due to love is absolutely universal through the specifc lens of your own expreicnes being spoken through that one binding word through extents of culture and language.

And my favorite line "Or perhaps it means way more, / But I don't care now, my amor," where you let go of the need to understand the elusive and enigmatic nature of love and just simply letting it be is quite mature and very well executed here. Again, “Upendo,” which is Swahili for love, uses that in the same stanza to those lines, I find that u are messaging to the readers that this is universal to let go of the abstract nature of what love is and what it represents. And then the following lines with the “ "that's all I know, / Let me show."” showing that instead of trying to understand love, you are now not just passively committing to it, “velleity” and to the action of real change for your own well-being, which is beautifully shifted here.

Section: 4

This is quite a conclusive part of the poem I found fascinatingly delightful, it is kind of less tense than the other section/stanzas before, and I really do think the lightheartedness fits the poem quite well, more of nerdy intellectualized banter with the lines "Perciflage," from French persiflage,
Which I find intellectually cheeky and nice. The lines: “ "It shall not ever fade / For I am here to love you."” kinda crystalize this statement, which I really love here, so much more needed clarity after the angst and uncertainty thrown our way. And the following lines about how love is “wrangled” into a “precarious structure” and using the idea of a “sarang” in Korean, which, after looking it up, I love the texture and meaning it gives it.

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**Section : 5 **

And at last, u concludes with its most intimate and ultimatum declaration. U, through yourself, teach the readers to love not in spite of imperfections but because of them which I found the flow to be quite well done especially in the last section here. The "Crookedness" is found "cute, not overwhelming." With the Finnish word "rakkaus," and it reaches de emotional peak. The final lines are a simple and so compressed and compact and UGH I love that. : "For you, I will always be here, / If you wish to speak, I shall hear. "it feels to me like it returns to the theme of giving voice from Section 2, but now it is more framed not as an internal sorted change but as an eternal offer of listening and support. Its quite the mature ending. impeccable and quite directly concluded and I think it fits the whole thing le:>

uneven vine
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Soda Feedback

Before hand I want ti reaasure these are my feedback and are subjective and are personal tastes not personal attacks thank youINNOCENT

Pepsi (Poem glazing)

  • I really really like the language and personal interwovenness of the whole use of what love is here and the way they are connected and demonstrate both personal burden amplified into a universal lens through different languages is so good I could eat it up!

  • I like how clean the whole thing felt, I can tell u put effort behind the rising and lowering of the tensions and emotions and its arc which I really do appriciate and great job on that

  • and also the use of active and passive pronounces and the rang u demonstrate is very good from the start to the end, it does feel like the same person through nuanced emotional registers moi love that.

Coca (Poem critics)

  • Contourn, this word still bothers me , I do not understand why you put it like that and here it just at least to me doesn't feel like an intentional kind of misspelling like a word play and it distracts away from the poems central feel and yeah.

  • The pacing was a major issues for me, it wasnt glaringly bad but to me you could have worked better on that with this part:

From the end of Section 2 (Stanza 6):
"I can forget every name,
But never, ever yours.
In my head, it is a contourn."

(Mood: Obsessive, overwhelmed, mentally consumed.)

To the start of Section 3 (Stanza 7):
"The torture of velleity,
I want to do, not lie in angst
Love means you,
Or perhaps it means way more,
But I don't care now, my amor."

(Mood: Suddenly resolved, dismissive of overthinking.)

I belive you could have built a brudge in this section and yeah thats what I want I want to see.

so suggestions here are:

Suggestion 1: Focus on Emotional Exhaustion

(This new stanza would go here)
And so this ache, a constant score,
Has taught my tired limbs once more:

Then proceed to: "The torture of velleity..."

Suggestion 2: Focus on Letting Go of Analysis

(This new stanza would go here)
Pardon said emotions, overwhelmed
try to feel this love in my brain;

Not in a catalog in my mind.

Then proceed to: "The torture of velleity..."

Suggestion 3: A More Metaphorical Bridge

(This new stanza would go here)
storm of thought begins to clear,
And leaves one simple statement here:

Then proceed to: "The torture of velleity..."

  • The diction here is a times gets a bit archaic and then clear then archaic, I would suggest you make it more fluid the way you transition in and out of it, just food for thought, because the words are pretty and fitting with the theme of a linguil poem but you can work on making it over all more connected, because they sometimes just jump out at me.
frail treeBOT
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*So this was a good

poem and here it is, my full

thoughts on the poem.*

- ꧁𓆩❄Icȳther ❄ ❄ æther❄𓆪꧂
uneven vine
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  • On that same spirit I would also like to talk about this line "Not proper to spell in slang, / Love is not all about fame,"" which has a rhyming scheme that feels a bit forced, and The idea is clear that you have here which is (love is serious, not superficial) but the way you go about is with the phrases such as "spell in slang" is a bit drawn out and feels a bit clunky and lengthened but un-needed here perhaps condensing it into a singualr well inetioned phrase would help with both the punch and the feel the line can take and the other phrase "Not all about fame" is edging on cliche` which is not the best thing you can have in a poem intended for sentimentality.

I would suggest to rephrase it into your own unique more formulated syntax here.

  • "Love is not all about fame, / For us, it shall be about flames." this one is one of my least favorite lines, I do like the use of flame as a metaphorical gesture here but then using fame to rhyme with it kind of cheapens the meaning behind the whole thing and akes it feel weaker than what it has the potentional to be yk? and I do think you can go over it try to focus more on what you are trying to tell the audience because this not only sacrifices the meaning but the rhythmical and rhyme flow too so yeah, it isnt helping out here.

  • ""I can forget every name, / But never, ever yours. / In my head, it is a contourn. / The torture of velleity, / I want to do, not lie in angst"" this has one of multiple issues, first it jumps from limerence /contour to an active motion of self defaince and active identification which could be good but it just feels jarring here.
    Add a transitional line or two to bridge this gap. For instance, after "contour," you could add: "This constant thought, a weary weight, / Forces a choice, decides my fate:" This would then naturally lead into "The torture of velleity..."

which I touched upon a bit up but yeah.

  • and finally "For you, I will always be here, / If you wish to speak, I shall hear" this feels a bit flate to what was needed from the whole poem, the whole crescendo that it was building up into for quality sake just feels like it is a bit underserving here, and while the message and core of it are both beautiful and powerful at the same time it feels a bit plainly put, direct when all this poem has done was push use to eleavted language to be the end of it.
    and my suggestion for this will be to rephrase this commitment using a metaphor that echoes the beginning. For example: "I will be the earth, steady and clear, / If you wish to speak, I am the ear." this way you can still connect it to what the poem has as its greatest quality which is found at the beginning and would make it more compressed and tighted together but tahts just me le:> .
uneven vine
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So this was a good poem and here it is, my full thoughts on the poem.

frail treeBOT
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*So this was a good

poem and here it is, my full

thoughts on the poem.*

- ꧁𓆩❄Icȳther ❄ ❄ æther❄𓆪꧂
eternal rivet
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IM SORRY ALR I WILL READ IT OUT OF THE NICENESS OF MY HEART … even tho I did half of it

uneven vine
uneven vine
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so yeah.

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also is it okay if you don't ping me too much, my ping counts are getting out of hand. I hope u understand.

eternal rivet
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I don’t mind at all thank you for telling me 💗

eternal rivet
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100+ comments

eternal rivet
patent tulip
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There's just so many ways people love...But how we all feel...True love makes you feel ...truly...Thank you for this great poem!