#Stray Away

56 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

idle marsh
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hi hello, decided to do something whimsical, hope you guys like it :3

The legend says of wind and tale
Of a scrappy feline with a fluffy tail
The stray has strayed away and sailed
Far into oceans deep that's veiled

The stray who strayed went straight ahead
And happened he across a shed
But as the sky hath turneth red
A smell of dead filled him with dread

The stray has strayed away again
He used his little feline brain
Remembered what there is to gain:
"Defeat the monster and you'll have fame!"

The stray was done straying away
He bared his claws and tensed his tail
He smelled the dead, vivid yet stale
A figure frail had wailed and flayed

The stray still hasn't strayed away
He jumped up high and like a nail
The monster's dead and that's the tale
For even when you stray away
Be always brave and you won't fail

cosmic cipher
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Honestly, this is good. One of the better ones I've seen around.

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Good work my guy!

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I'd say that this had the potential to be even more refined.

idle marsh
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Yeah i kinda rushed the ending cause i went absolutely blank

cosmic cipher
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You have a rhyme scheme going already (Some that's getting rarer to find), and ALSO have like semi-consistent stanzas.

idle marsh
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What's stanzas-

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god i feel stupid

cosmic cipher
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A stanza is like a paragraph in poetry.

idle marsh
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Ohhh yeah i tried to do 4 lines each but failed at the end

cosmic cipher
cosmic cipher
idle marsh
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Thank yew, my friend told me to write something about a stray cat so decided a fairy tale is perfect for that prompt

cosmic cipher
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There need not be any metrical feet involved, because the whole point is to be whimsical and all.

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But having a constant or semi-constant number of syllables makes a poem more memorable.

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Anyhow, best of luck friend! I believe that you've definitely got the potential!

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Wanna follow each other BTW?

idle marsh
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Thanks a lot! And sure

thin creekBOT
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@cosmic cipher is now following @idle marsh.

idle marsh
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I put your name in and it says invalid user-

cosmic pewterBOT
cosmic cipher
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The bot adds a '#0000' at the end of every username.

Select my username, then physically remove the '#0000'. That should do the trick.

cosmic cipher
thin creekBOT
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@idle marsh is now following @cosmic cipher.

idle marsh
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Honestly half the stuff you explained to me sounds like black magic cause i just.. write and don't look at a lot of stuff but i'll definitely learn about allat

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I just go with the flow

cosmic cipher
# idle marsh I just go with the flow

Nothing wrong with that tbh. In fact, I'm willing to bet 90% of the folk here dont know this stuff.

I usually like the 'challenge' of poetry. Anyone can express thoughts. But can you or I express it under constraints. Thats the real challenge and fun, at least according to me.

cosmic pewterBOT
cosmic cipher
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Of course, nothing wrong with going with whatever feels right either. If I'm feeling the mood, I'll do that too.

idle marsh
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Yeah ofc, poetry can be almost anything

cosmic cipher
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Just different styles.

idle marsh
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Isn't the shortest poem ever just "e" or something

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I think i saw a video about that

cosmic cipher
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Uhhh

idle marsh
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I know

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But js the fact

cosmic cipher
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Like, no offense to anyone, but this stuff gives a real bad name to the idea of poetry imo.

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Poetry needs to have some kind of verse. Some kind of meaning. It needs to be somewhat impactful.

idle marsh
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It's like the modern art of poetry

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"here's a banana on a wall"

cosmic cipher
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But who knows? Maybe somebody REALLY needed to hear "e" in their life. 😅

cosmic cipher
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Not to say ALL modern art (or poetry) is bad, but like...

idle marsh
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Yeah ofc

cosmic cipher
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Anyhow, you may wanna read up the basics of Scansions and Metrical Feet. It's real interesting stuff. You need not follow it ever, but it'll at least help you see poems in a new light.

idle marsh
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For sure, i really started digging writing poetry recently so making it a full fledged hobby sounds good

idle marsh
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JUST noticed that

cosmic cipher
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I've been writing on and off since 8th grade (so 4 years now), and have a layman's knowledge of how poetry works.

I'm telling you, you'd do well here. Your rhyme schemes are good, syllables are nearly octosyllibic (even if my accident, which means you've got good instinct), and an open mind to learn about higher forms of poetry instead of clouding 'texts' as poems.

Very best of luck mate!

idle marsh
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<3

cosmic cipher
idle marsh
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Oh @cosmic cipher i have like one more poem i posted here i like but It's def worse in quality than that one, but maybe you wanna see?

cosmic cipher
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Go on ahead.