#Untitled #1

22 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

white hinge
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The song within us lingers sweeter
Than any wine the vineyards yield;
The fields may bloom in living color,
Yet pales to ink our souls have sealed.

For beauty dwelling in the world
May move the heart to sow;
Yet fire smolders in the soul,
Stoked softly as we grow.

How common, yet how cruel,
Is Nature’s scornful wrath:
She leads all flesh to ruin still,
None left may flee her path.

For humankind is architect,
Within us burns a spark.
A light that bears it’s radiance,
Yet kindles in the dark.

Oh, the world we sought to sow,
How scant the harvest reaped;
The flames we stoked to slowly grow
Have swallowed up the creek.

And when the fire has quenched its thirst,
The cruelty spent and done—
Shadows fall, and victors fade
Wars fought, and who has won?

Is it the truth, resounding still,
That beauty walks with pain?
And if we lay our bare wrists open,
Shall it flow as blood from the vein?

In this ash, there is a teacher,
A lesson never truly learnt,
“He* who tempteth fire,
Shall himself be burnt”.

wicked jolt
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The rhythm is awesome, nice job

white hinge
wicked jolt
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Im not a fan of some of the repitition, the poem feels like it caters more to flow and rhythm than it does to each line running thematically and cohesively, if I were to give any true criticism it would just be to make each line count as much as possible.

white hinge
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Thank you very much

wicked jolt
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That being said it's very pleasant to read and I'm sure reciting it would be wonderful

median stream
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I really like this poem. I’m not even sure how to describe the feeling it evokes, it’s almost like a prophet who’s long been ignored telling of the horrors that may come of hubris and violent decisions made on impulse.
Also I’m sorry if I missed the point behind it, I was more so intending to describe the feeling it gave, not necessarily the poem itself

wicked jolt
white hinge
white hinge
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I believe my message got across

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I wrote it about the state of the world, how we seem to repeat the same mistakes and spend our times invested in the same meaningless violent squabbles when we have the capacity to build a paradise among us

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Kind of a warning

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Definitely written from the perspective of someone who’s “seen it all”

median stream
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Yeah, I think that definitely got across

white hinge
median stream
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I noticed that, I especially like the line
“for humankind is architect
Within us burns a spark
A light that bears its radiance
Yet kindles in the dark.”

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To me it captures the concept of the artists built inside us all

oblique snowBOT
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*To me it captures

the concept of the artists

built inside us all*

- anonymous_leapyear
white hinge
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I wanted to send a message that nature is cruel, but we can conquer it. It’s only by our own hand that we will kill our own light

median stream
# oblique snow

Ooh, that’s my first time triggering haiku bot lol, that’s fun