stay

[hidden gorge]

I’ll romanticize the broken glass
Forget it’s broken because you crashed
Crashed out hard on my couch
Slurring words from your mouth

Instead I’ll remember your sleeping face
The morning daylight lighting our day
The way you let me wear you shirt
The one you didn’t stain with dirt

When you tumbled down the night before
And came knocking at my door
I let you in like always
But when it’s only when you’re drunk you decide to stay

[tawny quartz]

It feels like a conversation, very authentic and dabbles in casual romance/love

Areas to improve on (don’t open if unwanted)

|| some areas are too vague or disconnected. For example, what is the broken glass, how is it caused my her crashing on the couch. ||

|| some areas are too descriptive. For example “the morning daylight lighting our day” feels clunky. The repetition of light makes it feel overexplained. But this is just preference. ||

|| the rhyme scheme is limiting your story. Some parts feel so forced into a rhyme scheme, but it doesn’t really resonate like a metaphor, or it doesn’t make that much sense. ||

[strange grotto]

Omg it's giving caramel 🙊

[hidden gorge]

BUT YOU BURN INSIDE MY MEMORY SO WELL