vital surge
You said, "please end it here,"
while claiming me yours,
as if I weren’t already holding the knife to my throat,
hoping for your hands to take it away.
As if love were a letter,
a parchment I could fold shut
and forget inside a drawer.
As if one year, six months, and ten days
were nothing but hollow pages
scattered across the book of my life.
As if I were a candle,
burning amidst storms to give you warmth,
only to be extinguished by the smallest flicker
of your indifference.
Yet I tried—God knows I tried,
to bury your name in silence,
only to find out the echo is much louder.
I tried to close my eyes to escape,
yet only saw your smiling face,
the warmth you once showed me
is now the only hope I cling onto.
I told myself to be patient and endure,
but longing has its own pulse,
a rhythm that refuses to quiet.
I swore I’d abandon the daydreams,
but they became your remains,
a fragile string of light
stretched across the pitch-black night.
And now, in your utter absence,
when you deem me unworthy of your love,
I turn to The Most Loving, The All-Merciful, and ask:
How many more times must I beg for you?
How many more nights must I trade for sleepless prayers,
just to catch a fleeting glimpse of you in dreams?
How many more bows must I surrender,
before I am worthy?
And how much more devotion must I pour
to be loved by the only soul
I have ever asked for?
Dear darling,
even if you cast me away from your throne,
even if you exile me from your heart,
still my tongue refuses silence.
It rises again in prayer,
and thanks God for you.
For He, the Eternal Penman of our fates,
gave me everything the moment He allowed us to meet.
From that instant, I was rich beyond measure
for what treasure could rival your presence?
hearty yoke
dawn moat
north pumice
dark patrol
tough tangle
cobalt badge
hoary marten
dim kite
marble valve