Just a Worker's Ramblings | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

quartz solar Jul 21, 2025, 1:18 AM

#

Sometimes I dream of how
A King must feel, seated
Upon His ivory throne.

What must it feel like,
To have in your home– homes–
Statues of bronze and such?
And artworks and treasures that
Nobles would foam at?
And men who cater
To your wishes like clockwork?

To wake and look upon
Your royal gardens through
A window with glass;
Oh, the class!

To lounge without a thought
Of fields to be plowed,
And candles to be bought?

I am but a farm-worker,
And this grand assumption
Could be quite impolite–
But the life of a King,
It seems like a goal worth–
Worth hoping for,
Growing towards.

Even as I write this,
I feel as if a seed
has been planted in
My dry and wasted heart.

And so, this humble farmer
Shall retire at last,
For my hands shake in the
Flickering candle-light
With dreams imagined.

Though, these are naught but
A worker’s ramblings.

burnt ivy Jul 21, 2025, 1:57 AM

#

This is amazing. I think it is very meaningful. The overall meaning in my eyes being: What does a God look like? What does He do on a day-to-day? But the internal meaning being: I could be a Godly figure. I could be a King. I love it. No criticism. DM me, because I think you just earned a spot in my personal collaborators.

lethal elkBOT Jul 21, 2025, 1:57 AM

#

burnt ivy This is amazing. I think it is very meaningful. The overall meaning in my eyes b...

Wonderful! @burnt ivy has just progressed to level 1!

quartz solar Jul 21, 2025, 2:00 AM

#

I'm honored lol

twilit marshBOT Jul 21, 2025, 2:22 AM

#

@quartz solar has sent a notification! - @primal perch @wooden rune @haughty pilot

zealous lion Jul 21, 2025, 2:24 AM

#

ooo

#

but the ramblings are everything

#

and they will be heard

alpine briar Jul 21, 2025, 2:43 AM

#

thats beautiful! you can really paint a picture with your words

quartz solar Jul 21, 2025, 2:43 AM

#

Thanks :)

zealous lion Jul 21, 2025, 11:31 AM

#

heyy so like i see this as a dream that should be burning but is buried instead

#

:3

#

a rigtheous dream made unsure of itself

quartz solar Jul 21, 2025, 3:47 PM

#

@timber temple

quartz solar Jul 21, 2025, 3:48 PM

#

zealous lion heyy so like i see this as a dream that should be burning but is buried instead

It is a pretty massive dream

#

haha im funny

timber temple Jul 21, 2025, 3:50 PM

#

I enjoyed this a lot bro Im really fond of how you write!

quartz solar Jul 21, 2025, 3:52 PM

#

appreciate it

worldly stone Jul 21, 2025, 4:39 PM

#

i like the blindness that you show in this poetry. take the place of the poor man who dreams of the rich man thinking that being rich is so much better and fantastic, when many times it isn't, but the poor man himself cannot understand it, because deep down he only look at the virtues of others. this is how i interpret it

umbral girder Jul 21, 2025, 7:42 PM

#

i like how the king is built up so high the dreamer feels it, and then they quickly lower themselves, and both reflect who the speaker is thinkesra

quartz solar Jul 21, 2025, 8:03 PM

#

worldly stone i like the blindness that you show in this poetry. take the place of the poor ma...

That's a great interpretation imo :)

fallow hemlock Jul 24, 2025, 10:15 PM

#

This is a hopeful, optimistic poem where a worker (but we don't know what kind) indulges himself to daydream about becoming a king. I have a few pieces of feedback/comments. 1. I think you could mention what type of worker the speaker is. I don't know of anyone who calls themself a ''worker", usually there is a specific occupation name tied to it that says what they do, so it makes it hard to envision who is doing the speaking. 2. The general speech of the narrator towards the king makes it sound like he has no idea who is king in his country, which is a bit unrealistic, and if there isn't a king in his country, he would have to be thinking about just the general abstract concept of a "king". And in thinking of the general abstract concept, there wouldn't really be much to dream about (per the line "with dreams imagined"). You wouldn't know what kind of food he ate, or where the fabrics in his luxury garments were from, nor what kind of regional entertainers he'd summon to amuse himself, nor what kind of rich exotic fruits he'd be able to sample at his leisure, etc; just advising you sprinkle in some individualization in here to really spice up the poem!. 3. In this context, Im not sure what "Nobles would foam at" means. It conjures the image of foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog, but without further exposition or hints at what kind of king the king would be (see #2) to his subjects, its hard to know for sure. It could also be possible that foam meant something positive here, if the nobles and king had a good relationship, but if they didn't have a good relationship, I'm not sure why they'd be in the personal home of the king in the first place. 4. A window of glass is a bit redundant, there isn't really a type of see-through material other than glass (or plastic) a window can be made from.

#

#5, I think you can probably make "a spark of bliss" something more exciting and original and illustrative of the speaker, it comes across very generally and abstract here. Same with the cliche "dark and weary heart". I would love to hear more about the specific dreams of the narrator that are making his hands shake! Where is the narrator coming from, what hardships has he encountered? Has his/her spouse or kids died? Is he in indentured servitude fantasizing about a differnt life? What kind of ruler would he be towards his subjects, would he think that he'd rule one way only to find out later that he'd be a tyrant? etc; Specificity is good, go out on a limb!. Thanks for the read, and I hope none of this came across too harshly!

quartz solar Jul 24, 2025, 10:28 PM

#

Thanks for all the feedback you gave even if it was a bit long catok
(long is good in this case because more feedback🎉 )

#

Will think about it

#

Yeah so the speaker is sorta implied to be a farmer because they talk about fields to be farmed and stuff

#

But I did edit it to be more clear

#

for your third point I meant to say they were like foaming at the mouth because of how beautiful or whatever the art is cause they want it but I can see how that would be confusing to read

#

So for the glass thing

#

This is supposed to be set like pretty far in the past ig

#

And a lot of poor people's windows wouldn't have had glass back then

#

would've just been like open with wood or cloth shutters I think

fallow hemlock Jul 24, 2025, 10:59 PM

#

quartz solar would've just been like open with wood or cloth shutters I think

Ahh I see what you mean, in that case, I personally might use "with" instead of "of", for the fantasy of windows "with" glass would highlight the reality of the narrator, having windows "without glass". I guess its the difference between discussing the quality of the build of windows in general vs the disclosing/flexing of the rare material at the time, glass, specifically in the fantasy windows. Anyway, that's just how I read it.

quartz solar Jul 24, 2025, 11:02 PM

#

ah

#

That's a great idea

quartz solar Jul 28, 2025, 3:47 AM

#

@tender nova

tender nova Jul 28, 2025, 11:49 AM

#

quartz solar Sometimes I dream of how A King must feel, seated Upon His ivory throne. What m...

This is awesome, the only thing I'd change is the second line in the second stanza, to something like, "To have in your hearth, homes," or some other word there to avoid repetitiveness

quartz solar Jul 28, 2025, 2:49 PM

#

I meant to say it like

#

he says "home"

#

but then realizes that they would probably have more than one home cause rich

#Just a Worker's Ramblings