#Afreen Afreen

18 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

orchid heron
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Translation:

I did not know that this could happen,
I had never seen worshipping of eyes,
These eyes are like a conspiracy, a mystery,
These eyes are like the wick of passion,
These eyes say the mood of my heart,
These eyes tell the phoenix in my heart,
These eyes wear a blanket of glare,
These eyes have become the pot of my liquor,
These eyes are the talisman of my heart,
The talisman of god,
It is intoxicated, this glare, this glare.

You thought it was rain, I thought it was rain,
That which has become the veil of the eyes,
That which is like a waterfall, or flowing flower stems,
That which is like folding and disbanding quatrains,
Those tresses don't speak the condition of her eyes,
And if eyes meet, they stop the conversation,
These tresses pull us in their depth,
And make us sleep in their shadow,
These tresses of our wished are moon-like,
Some void has been filled, by that golden thread.

Original:

Aisa jaana nahi ho sake ke kabhi,
Nazro par bhi ibadat thi dekhi nahi,
Nazre saajish koyi, Nazre raaz hai koyi,
Nare jaise junoon ka ho deepak koyi,
Nazre aisi jo kehti hai dil ki fiza,
Nare dil ka huma bhi jo kar de bayan,
Nazron pe noor ki hai ek chadar bichi,
Nazre dil ki madeera ka pyaala bani,
Nazre taavez-e-dil hai taaveez-e-khuda,
Hai nashi, hai nashi, chandini, chandini.

(chorus "nazr-e-jaana" .....)

Tujhko barkha lagi, mujhko baarish lagi,
Wo jo nazro ki harkat pe parda bani,
Wo hai jharna koyi, wo hai behti kali,
wo simatati-bikharti rubayat koyi,
Zulf aise jo bole na nazro ka haal,
Aur nazre mile to ye roke bayaan,
Zulf kheeche hume apni gehraayi mein,
Aur sulaaye hume apni parchaayi mein,
Zulf rukh-e-tamanna ki hai mehtabi,
Kuch kami hai bhari, us zari, us zari.

(chorus "zulf-e-jaana" .....)

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this above is just a translation of what i wrote in hindi

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basically the story goes:
i was humming "afreen afreen" by nfak. But i forgot the lyrics so i wrote them myself. I wrote 2 completely original paras and the above is the translation of the same. the chorus part of "afreen afreen" has been skipped in the translation.

twin bladeBOT
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@orchid heron has sent a notification! - @terse tree @zinc forum @austere falcon @lucid trout

orchid heron
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@plush valley @polar sparrow @timber mulch @neat mulch

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@wet rapids

orchid heron
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@terse tree

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@astral ibex

terse tree
# orchid heron Translation: I did not know that this could happen, I had never seen worshippin...

"And if eyes meet, they stop the conversation."
this line had my heart fr

the poem’s full of rich imagery and deep romantic emotions, or just emotions in general yk
my only critique is. it just feels a bit too direct. like too transparent. the emotions and visuals are so good, but idk it’s too plain in the way it’s said.

"These tresses pull us in their depth,
And make us sleep in their shadow."
this is sooo beautiful but also like. too plainly said??

but maybe that’s bcz it’s a translation, right? i feel like it’d sound more layered and poetic in hindi. translations sometimes make things sound more direct than they are.

orchid heron
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should i post the hindi version too?

terse tree
orchid heron
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alr

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i'll edit it onto the og msg itself

terse tree
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Also I was on a long long break and unfriended lots of people 😭 for no reason lemme add you back 🎀

orchid heron
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haha

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its fine