Under the Beech Tree

[errant tusk]

Do you remember that day–
that heavy, feeling, day
when you and I first met?

The gentle sun had just set,
sinking with the onset
of night, cold and freeing.

And I sat there– just being,
quiet and unseeing,
stuck with my wandering thoughts.

When you walked by, you brought
a spectre of hate and rot–
of blood and fiery glee.

But still, you sat with me,
under that gnarled beech tree
where the gentle leaves swayed.

And maybe that day, the shade
which leeched you like nightshade,
Faded, just a little.

That day, the moon glowed a little brighter.

[lunar shell]

@errant tusk has sent a notification! - @calm sable @rancid shadow

[graceful widget]

I love this poem. The rhyme scheme works incredibly well for it! It’s such a story that works with so little, I’m very impressed. There’s so much contrast and power here. My only nitpick is that one semicolon, I’d probably use a comma, a dash or a colon there. Just a tad distracting for my grammar brain

[rancid shadow]

Holy i actually really loved the serene and eerie feelings I got from this poem

Your first stanza sets the tone with the word heavy, but you contrast it with the words gentle in the second, which I thought was really interesting but good

The third stanza continues this calmness , but the fourth stanza on there is a mix of strong language and soft ones

So I thought that was what made the poem really beautiful

The last line was pretty cliche, and it was pretty underwhelming, but other than that I thought the poem was really nice

I'd also like to point out the rhyming which I loved

Unlike a lot of poems i come across here that rhyme, this one felt very natural and unforced, which I really appreciated

Good work! I love it <33

[errant tusk]

Thanks for the kind words :)

[lunar shell]

@odd mulch is now following @errant tusk.

[odd mulch]

so beautiful and did you mean under the beach tree? the title.. the poem is so nice to read btw it js gives a peaceful vibe

[errant tusk]

Nah beech is a type of tree :)

[odd mulch]

ouhh thanksss

[drifting bloom]

not bad. there are sketches of the emotional themes you want to depict here, I would like to see them pushed further. that heavy, feeling, day-- first of all, is that a punctuation typo? looks out of place. but also what does that heaviness feel like? think more on the feelings you've mentioned in this poem, and bring it to the concrete realm via the five senses and rich and original imagery to really make the readers connect with what you are trying to convey. also the apostrophe that shortens wandering-- I recommend taking it out. it looks out of place in this poem because it's the only word with this punctuation/device, and it takes a reader out of the poem. instead, describe your wandering thoughts. how do they meander?

but overall, keep going. good potential here

[errant tusk]

Thanks for all the feedback :)