#erm idk why this feels wrong, what is it?

13 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

primal folioBOT
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Wonderful! @tough harbor has just progressed to level 7!

patent prism
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Space it out into stanzas so you can get an idea of what each section is trying to say and it might help (this is my best attempt from what I thought would be good line breaks and some (added words, edited some lines and added some syntax stuff) edits but honestly it’s your writing style so I don’t wanna edit it too much):

Glass is fragile
Very easily broken
My heart is like glass.

So many people see it
So many people handle it
but after rough handling... it shatters

Glass is fragile, easily broken
Some glass is tough
I have walls of glass. Bulletproof glass

Untouchable Impenetrable Unbreakable
Surrounding my glass heart after i put it back together.
Yet… someone still got in. Shattered it once more.

Glass is fragile. Not pretty when broken.
My glass heart is no longer pretty.
Been broken too many times

My heart is gone. Shattered.
I can barely feel
I don't know whats real

Whats the day time or year?
Am i even me? I don't know
I hate my glass heart.

(A lot of random changes, please feel free to ignore a lot of them if you don’t like it. I wanna reiterate that this is your writing style and that all the edits I had were just to prompt you with ideas)

patent prism
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Honestly tho I really love the premise and idea behind it so good job yep

primal folioBOT
patent prism
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@tough harbor did this help or nah

tough harbor
robust copper
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You could add some more punctuation and stuff to spice it up, I think

olive pivotBOT
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*You could add some more

punctuation and stuff to

spice it up, I think*

- ahemitisi_22465
robust copper
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Glass is fragile(-)
Very easily broken

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or

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like

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So many people see it(,)
So many people handle it(,)

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like that