Could I get some critiques I just started poetry | The Art of Poetry | Page 1

haughty shore Jul 2, 2025, 7:34 AM

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Its in my Google doc and I didnt feel like copying and pasting it

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Sorry

subtle cypress Jul 2, 2025, 7:15 PM

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the theme is really great

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combining prayer and worship and praise with making and appreciating art is a really good theme

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even though the phrasing can be pretty confusing

haughty shore Jul 2, 2025, 10:57 PM

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Ya sorry

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I didn't really know how to continue it

subtle cypress Jul 3, 2025, 6:26 AM

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do you want it to be longer?

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imo the length is just fine

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the rhymes are fine

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but you need to work on the phrasing/rhythm to make it sound better

median whaleBOT Jul 3, 2025, 6:32 AM

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*but you need to work

on the phrasing/rhythm to

make it sound better*

subtle cypress Jul 3, 2025, 6:38 AM

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for example:

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I oh lord we cherish you deep in our hearts I

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rhymes with

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II we will recite your arts II

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but the sentence length and flow are too different

haughty shore Jul 3, 2025, 6:52 AM

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Ohhhh

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Okay

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Thank you

haughty shore Jul 3, 2025, 7:18 AM

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I changed the 3rd line

subtle cypress Jul 3, 2025, 8:42 AM

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sounds better already

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that would be my advice for for the future

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to make rhyming lines have similar length

haughty shore Jul 3, 2025, 8:47 AM

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Thanks for the advice

floral yarrow Jul 4, 2025, 6:07 PM

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Punctuation could help clarify reader's internal voice for how it should be read.

In the future, you could refine your word choice to make things sound more poetic or slightly more elevated than a natural speaking tone– "this person who won't speak lies" could become something similar to (this exact line wouldn't work for your rhythm, but this is just an Idea of how to have more imagery.) "the one who's truth carries no sin- no bolder, heavy with guilt weighing them down" Or something like that. Just write with the thought "what could I compare this feeling to– something almost universal." That way even the most complex emotions you wish to convey could accurately come across to your reader.

I would've said to adjust the rhythm flow, but you already got that 😊

My overall advice: the more poems you read from other people, the more you can get a natural sense for what to compare your feelings to in a poetic way. Just keep writing with those things in mind and you'll do great! ☺️

haughty shore Jul 5, 2025, 4:06 AM

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Thank you!

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I will try to do that

vital pollen Jul 5, 2025, 7:29 AM

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haughty shore

u forgot the .
lord with a captial l
dont need the word against each other
u can just write each cup rings the sounds of cheers
poetry is about writting less with more using emotion not more

floral yarrow Jul 5, 2025, 4:45 PM

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haughty shore I will try to do that

You're welcome 😊

haughty shore Jul 6, 2025, 2:07 AM

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vital pollen u forgot the . lord with a captial l dont need the word against each other u c...

Thanks for the advice

haughty shore Jul 6, 2025, 2:54 AM

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I put it like it's a speech

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And put emotion into it like someone was saying it with soul

median whaleBOT Jul 6, 2025, 2:55 AM

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*And put emotion

into it like someone was

saying it with soul*

vital pollen Jul 6, 2025, 7:17 AM

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haughty shore I put it like it's a speech

thats much better

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its less robotic

#Could I get some critiques I just started poetry