#I've been up all night ; it's been hard to fall asleep

18 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

final lava
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@pastel current

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idk if that's the right way to tag, i'm sorry-

pastel current
final lava
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(i just noticed you'd need context from past poems to understand fully the "wings of rot" part but oh well)

pastel current
errant spruceBOT
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*it is fine, i will

judge it on the technique, give

me a bit of time*

- shouryanormie
pastel current
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okay so, in the first stanza write it something like this "You read them like Braille, Quiet, tender, understanding", not just understanding, it feels rather cryptic and does not match the tone of the poem and will take the readers out of it, not in a good way

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in the second stanza, "your thoughts, your feelings, your childlike innocence" feels like you listing things rather than actually expressing emotions

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also in the fourth stanza, the "forget, a moment of bliss" feels gramatically disjointed, something like "and i forget" would work better i feel

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sorry if my review sounds harsh anywhere but this is all what i felt and i felt i had to tell em

final lava
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NONO ITS OKAY!!

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Its also interesting seeing how you try to understand what feelings i try to express

pastel current
final lava
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Hmm..

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I do try my best to be cryptic, that's one thing definitely held from your message..
I like making poems very personal, so an outside view cannot properly understand my feelings, and why i write every word
"understanding"
i kept it simple, so only he can understand
i like forming connections with people through my poems, like an inside thing yk?

pastel current
final lava
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mmmm yeah okayokay i undertstand!!

pastel current