#It was always you. - Rico

38 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

charred grove
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I feel brave.
Brave for throwing myself into love with everything I was.
I jumped. I gave in. I lost myself.
I allowed myself to dream of you every night,
wishing I wouldn’t wake up.
Because life without you… kills me slowly.

I went all in.
I went with an open heart.
I was foolish.
But I went.

I loved you so much.
So much that I became nothing.
I wanted to be your shelter,
your laughter,
your tomorrow.
I wanted to be your forever.
And you gave me a maybe.

I was brave because loving you was jumping off a building
without knowing if you would hold my hand.
You didn’t hold it.
You watched me fall.
And you didn’t even close your eyes.

“Reciprocity” — what a beautiful word, isn’t it?
But you didn’t know how to give it.
I looked in your gold for what shined the most.
It wasn’t there.
Your greatest treasure was never mine.

Now I don’t sleep.
I don’t breathe.
I don’t live.
I look for you in everything.
In the sound of the guitar,
in the color red,
in the taste of ice cream,
in the smell of the streets,
in the details of songs.
In everything.
In everything.
In everything.

And you’re not there.

I idealized you so much.
I dreamed of you so much.
I wanted you so much.

And now?
Now I hate you for making me love you like this.
I hate you for being the best thing that ever happened to me.
I hate you because you were the worst too.

Let me forget you.
Or love me.
Even if it’s just a little.
Even if it’s a lie.
Love me recklessly.
Love me on impulse.
Love me the way I loved you.

But if you won’t love me,
go away.
Set me free.
Erase me.
Tear me out of you.
Because I love you so much I don’t have the strength to take you out of here.
Because if you stay,
I’ll beg you to love me.
Again.
And again.
And again.

I don’t want your “goodbye.”
Don’t wish me “the best.”
My best was you.
Don’t tell me to “take care.”
Because I don’t know how to take care of myself without you.

Continue 👇

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If you leave,
know this: I’ll still be here.
Always here.
Waiting for a message.
Waiting for a sign.
Waiting for you.
Waiting.
Because I’m too much of a fool! TOO MUCH OF A FOOL TO LET YOU GO.
I can’t forget you……

I loved you like no one else ever will.
I loved you with who I was,
with who I am,
with who I will never be again.
I loved you until I destroyed myself.
I loved you until the end.

And if the price of truly loving someone
is never loving anyone else again,
then I accept it.
I accept it.

I just wanted it to be you.

It was always you.
Always.
Always.
Always.

old violetBOT
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boreal dock
livid panther
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Oh wow, I started to tear up a little bit thinking about a past relationship I was in. Thank you for this poem, it's really beautifully written.

charred grove
charred grove
uncut surge
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DAMN

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DAMN

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DAMN

charred grove
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Damn?

charred grove
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Did you like it?

uncut surge
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Yeah well I mean 🫣

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Just know it is super inspiring

charred grove
boreal dock
charred grove
boreal dock
cloud plover
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d*m rico I can’t say I didn’t know you had this much of an effect when it came to writing but bro you got me emotional, i’m over here holding back tears. I could feel the pain, the self awareness everything😭

cloud plover
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(just remembered gotta be careful with the cussing lol)

charred grove
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@fathom dock YOU DIDNT FOLLOW ME

charred grove
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not sad

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please

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dont be sad

old violetBOT
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@split widget is now following @charred grove.

cloud plover
charred grove
cloud plover
fathom dock
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Awww, a sad poem from Rico to leave me in tears and in love with yet another piece of poetry!!
This isn’t just a poem — it’s a scream. A silent, suffocated scream that comes from someone who loved with everything they had, who jumped without a safety net, with an open heart, and fell alone. You can tell it came straight from the heart, unfiltered, unafraid to show pain, vulnerability, and disappointment. And that’s beautiful, even when it hurts.
The love — or better yet, the devotion — the lyrical self has for this person is surreal. The way he expresses in each stanza just how much he gave himself to her, how deep his love goes, is so meticulously detailed that reading it makes you feel his pain, as if it were you in his place.
It’s like an open letter. He doesn’t just say it — he shows how much he loved her, how much he wanted her close, and how the uncertainty, absence, and lack of reciprocity from her destroyed him. It’s a mix of vulnerability, pain, longing, and anger all in one breath.
The beginning, with that simple phrase “I feel brave,” already shows that the lyrical self doesn’t exactly regret having loved this way. On the contrary, he sees himself as brave for having loved with such intensity. So often people hold back, afraid to give themselves fully to another — and that fear ends up leading nowhere. But here, the lyrical self gave himself in such a bold, fearless way that this one phrase already carries enormous weight.
The third stanza is one of the most striking for me — it’s where things start to really fall apart:

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I loved you so much.
So much that I became nothing.

Man... that hits hard. It’s the kind of love that slowly drains who we are, turning care into emptiness. It’s that total surrender where you only exist for the other person, and your own self doesn’t even matter anymore. And even after all that, the lyrical self doesn’t hold true anger — it’s a mix of pain, longing, emotional dependency, and that little bit of hope that the person might come back, even if just “on impulse.”
But it’s not just the lyrical self’s love that becomes obvious here — throughout the poem, you can feel the other person’s lack of reciprocity too. The distance, the perspective of someone who clearly doesn’t feel the same. Like when he says loving her was like jumping off a building without knowing if she would hold his hand — and she just watched him fall, didn’t even close her eyes. That shatters the heart. It’s as if she could clearly see he loved her, but didn’t return it, didn’t say anything. She just stood there, watching him “humiliate” himself for a scrap of her affection. Like she simply didn’t care. That’s pure cruelty to a heart that’s in love.
The emotional dependency here is another point that stands out. Not only does it show how deeply attached the lyrical self is to her, it shows how this dependence broke him, like in this stanza:

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Now I don’t sleep.
I don’t breathe.
I don’t live.
I look for you in everything.
In the sound of the guitar,
in the color red,
in the taste of ice cream,
in the smell of the streets,
in the details of songs.
In everything.
In everything.
In everything.

Here, the emotional dependency is more than clear — it’s practically thrown in our faces. That simple repetition of “in everything” is the reflection of a mind that can’t switch off, that sees the person in everything, searches for them in every corner, every smell, every detail — and never finds them. That hurts more than any goodbye.

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And despite everything, the lyrical self still tries — even if only for brief moments — to hate her:

Now I hate you for making me love you like this.
I hate you for being the best thing that ever happened to me.
I hate you because you were the worst too.

He blames her for making him fall in love, for becoming the only one he truly wanted, and then, in the end, leaving him with nothing — because she was everything to him, and that became the worst part. Man, that’s so raw... because when you love like that, for real, giving all of yourself, and then lose it — you don’t even know what you feel anymore. It’s anger, but it’s longing. It’s pain, but it’s the urge to hold them one more time. It’s all mixed together. (Ah, love — that feeling we can’t live without, even when it destroys us.)

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But like I said — that “hate” only lasts for a few seconds. Because right after, comes the plea for her to either love him or leave him. Even if it’s just a little. Even if it’s a lie. The lyrical self just wants to feel that she feels something close to what he feels for her. He begs her to walk away if she won’t love him — because he doesn’t have the strength to remove her from his heart. He was brave enough to love, but not brave enough to let her go. And that, to me, is the most human part of it all — admitting he’s weak, that he’s trapped in a feeling that hurts, but is still love. Even though he loves her deeply, it’s like he’s begging her to go — even though every time he says that, it breaks him — because he knows that if she stays, he won’t stop loving her, or needing her near.
And the ending... it’s the lyrical self being brutally honest with himself, saying that even if she leaves, he’ll still wait. For a message, a sign — anything. He’ll still wait for her. And that’s so beautiful and painful, because even though he wasn’t loved the way he wanted to be, he still chooses to stay there, waiting for her, hoping she’ll come back and love him the way he loved her. Because, as he finishes...
It was always you.
And that’s why this poem hurts so much — because everyone has had a “it was always you” that didn’t work out.
Simply incredible, if the intention was to make everyone cry, you succeeded. You nailed it!!Pwease Pwease paptcry paptcry

fathom dock
old violetBOT
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@fathom dock is now following @charred grove.

fathom dock