Untitled draft

[gloomy knot]

Looking for feedback and help on my poem draft

[thorn gazelle]

Longed should be long
I long for that high
So that it’s in the right tense

[gloomy knot]

Didn’t even notice, thanks

I also made a typo in the same stanza

About —> around

[drifting laurel]

Itsgood already I would suggest if u want to incorporate it. Use metaphor to explain the depth.
I believe you are trying to express the emotion of loving a good friend.
Maybe for a more depth in emotions can be expressed by using lines that are linked with u two

[gloomy knot]

The rest of the poem is supposed to be the feelings being reciprocated and such

[gloomy knot]

How would they look?

[drifting laurel]

Wym by it

[gloomy knot]

How would that look *

Like stanzas that incorporate that

[drifting laurel]

For example
Something like this imagine this is a line that the person said in real life.
Even the cold hands of yours bring warmth to my soul(a line person said)
You can use something like this in your poetry to make it more emotion filled

[thorn gazelle]

Even the cold hands of yours bring me warmth to my soul

OUCH ! Brilliantly emotively described

[charred iris]

Wonderful! @thorn gazelle has just progressed to level 5!

[drifting laurel]

Thanks.

[gloomy knot]

I’ll keep that in mind, thank you

[thorn gazelle]

I think if you do want to use it , it would suit. Going into stanza 3

And tweaking that stanza

[drifting laurel]

Welcome and keep trying you have amazing skills

[gloomy knot]

The relic one?

[gloomy knot]

I definitely have potential, I wish I used it better

[drifting laurel]

I am just a starting port who rights to express my deep emotions. So, it's amazing that a line written by me can be good

[drifting laurel]

You are on the right path dw. Even I am not that good. Plus English is not even my first language so I am generally pretty bad

[thorn gazelle]

If you ever want to run some lines or verses or even manuscripts, would be happy to assist

[drifting laurel]

I mean I would love to if I am writing a poem like a proper one. The ones I have written are usually in heat of the moment. So I just write what I feel.
I posted some here as well

[thorn gazelle]

Aw brilliant. If you want to you can tag me in some

I can offer some advice

No pressure

[drifting laurel]

Wait I will do it.

[drifting laurel]

Obviously I would love your feedback

[gloomy knot]

@drifting laurel can I get feedback on this revised version?

[drifting laurel]

It's amazing.
Just one thing the 4 stanza it would be better if u shorten it or break it into two.
As it is a bit off from the rest of your poem length

[gloomy knot]

I’m break it in two

I’ll

[drifting laurel]

That looks now much better and understanding.

Also i don't know if it's something very personal to u but if there is anything that u can add as an ending stanza do it. Something that ends the poem.
A stanza that is able to conclude your feelings.
I don't know the situation on which u are writing this but if there is something u can add. It would be amazing

[gloomy knot]

I plan to greatly expand this poem

This is supposed to be a very primitive draft

[drifting laurel]

Ohh then, I say best of luck and would love to read the final version of it

[gloomy knot]

I’ll gladly show you

[drifting laurel]

I will be waiting ☺️