♥️Forever, My Valentine♥️

[raven void]

@fierce fjord has sent a notification! - @feral juniper @frail wigeon @short shuttle @indigo wyvern @sharp dock @clever veldt @wraith sparrow @keen ocean @novel wedge @terse valley @normal creek @wind perch @tepid crane @autumn quiver @paper topaz @foggy night @ornate hawk @modest sequoia @rough idol @pure fulcrum @leaden panther @spark burrow @hazy marsh @feral arrow @wicked spoke @fresh summit @eager summit

[topaz flare]

YESSSS

TEAAAA

LOVE ME A LOVE POEM

😇❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

☕️🫖

[feral arrow]

ITS SOO GOOD SIR LANDON!! WE WISH TO SEE MORE OF LOVE POEM FROM YOU.

[round ruin]

peak poem

[feral arrow]

I loved the 4th page the most

No doubt about it.

[zenith sleet]

Very nice, I love the art direction for the pages

Very relatable (lie)

I love when the visual aspect is utilised in poetry, since it's meant to be read, the page shoud probably be as beautiful as the words on it. Shame I'm terrible at visual art

that's very kind, and I'll definitely consider it

[indigo garden]

….i typed out that whole thing to get filtered

One sec

Oh my god I misspelled “shot” in the most unfortunate way

[ornate hawk]

the max is 2000

[indigo garden]

no I accidentally said a nono word

Alrighty imma go through and give critique as l read

1. What did you use to make this? If you use Canva and opt-in to the free trial (make sure you don't forget to cancel later) you can get this sorta stuff but in much higher resolution

2. "aimless it was not but clarity"
   I'm not entirely sure what this means as-written, but I get the idea you're going for. if it were me, personally l'd go with something like
   "sights set upon youthful hearts, it was not a shot in the dark but a shot against it." or something. I'd consider rewording that line

3. I think it's decent, but I think you could improve upon the part where "worthless" is repeated. Perhaps "bereft of memories, bereft of fidelity, bereft of faith"

4. the "pricelessness" line - not bad as written, I think it can be touched up a bit. Perhaps "a treasure I thank the heavens is mine." something along those lines. I couldn't think of an easy synonym for pricelessness that fits.

5. "it is no one but I who tells you to call me thine" is just a tad clunky, perhaps something like "it is no one but I that I wish to be thine"

6. honestly l'd remove the "why fear when..." stanza. It seems to clash somewhat with the rest of your intentions, and take it from me, nobody wants allusions to the negative in their love letters.

7. overall, I can tell you really felt this, every word seeps with emotion. that's what's great about this sort of writing, is it can achieve a lot in the weight of the emotion alone. it is quite obvious that whoever is receiving this is quite, quite fondly regarded by you. That's the key point, and you hit the mark. Clean up some of the finer points, check to make sure everything flows (I do this by counting beats, when I want things to flow), and honestly I think you'd produce something anybody would love to receive. Well, I mean, it already is, but still. You have excellent bones here. I'd revise, maybe look into Canva (at least for a week of the free trial) and like I said, you have the key point cemented, that feeling, the rest is just flavor.
   Good work. Keep it up!

I had to screenshot and select the text and copy and paste

And fix the accidental s word lmao

Key takeaway is: good stuff, keep refining. you’re sitting on gold here.

[torpid ruin]

*Key takeaway is:

good stuff, keep refining. you’re

sitting on gold here.*

- hammyandeggs

[indigo garden]

listen it’s your work homie, I’m nobody to tell you what to do with it. and like I said, for this style of writing, you got the big things locked down. Keep on doin your thing. I’d say it’s mission accomplished already, the rest is just flavor and precision in messaging.

really good stuff!

No problem man, any time! I enjoy critiques on my stuff, and giving them, and I look forward to seeing you progress in this. Trust me, I know what it’s like to branch out into a new style and all the things that come with that. Despite my critiques, still, looks like mission accomplished to me

haha lemme pick it up tomorrow, i’m about to hop on the phone with the girl I write my silly love poems to

Link it tho

And yes we should

[raven void]

@fierce fjord is now following @indigo garden.

@indigo garden is now following @fierce fjord.

[grave geyser]

Hey Lotus, I noticed that you rewrote this as I reached the end of the poem; I mean, you could have been the potus, but instead chose this and wanted to be emperor.
😁😁😁
Haha Anyway, are you rewriting your old poems so they can be addressed to “her?” If so, that is great and wonderful; however, I really liked the original, “My Valentine” better, tbh.
Good work, as always tho!
✌🏽-Quad.

[azure shoal]

Wonderful! @grave geyser has just progressed to level 14!

[grave geyser]

Noice.

[grave geyser]

[Read the first part like a rap 👌🏽😁]

Wait, I’m a bit confused now. Sooo it is for someone real or isn’t. . . Or both?

[ornate hawk]

This is an amazing poem, I like the way you put your words and designs. The white and black really fit in writing poems and epics and yeah:)

your welcome man

[autumn quiver]

Damn thats great @fierce fjord

[wicked spoke]

hey you gave some really good critiques would you like to trade feedback sometime?

[indigo garden]

absolutely!

[wicked spoke]

are you available rn??

[indigo garden]

As long as it’s short, I can do a quick one before bed. I tend to speak in paragraphs when giving critiques

[wicked spoke]

ohh if its late we can do it another time

its short but we dont have to do it today

[indigo garden]

I’m just winding down for the night, is all. Lemme see it

[wicked spoke]

alr ill dm u

[outer hedge]

There is nothing what are yall talking about

Did he delete

[short shuttle]

Strange

[hazy marsh]

right, what happened??

[novel wedge]

he was banned but then unbanned

he's muted rn

[outer hedge]

Why tho?

[outer hedge]

I noticed that

[novel wedge]

idk

[topaz flare]

“You’re sitting on gold here.”

it’s okay I got everyone

This was so beautifully written I had to save it so I could read it again 🤭

[topaz flare]

AAHH okay sorry byeee 🤭🩷🩷🩷🩷 soooo cute

Also my take is that “why fear” is lulling or soothing someone. Fear can accompany people who have been hurt in love before. But why fear? When it is we who will spit the sea of hate and drown in unending love?

So to me it works well

[outer hedge]

https://tenor.com/view/manuel-neuer-fcb-fcbrbl-bayern20-goalkeeper-gif-19813995

[topaz flare]

I don’t know what this means but I have nothing to do with any drama and I am only uplifting the art at face value.
No, I don’t want to know. And if at any point me reposting this poem or talking about it is disrespectful to you or the server or anyone else in a complex or nuanced way then let me know and I will refrain from speaking about it.
My honest opinion is that anything about love is absolutely beautiful! And I love these poem a lot.
I hope you take care. Peace be on you.

[outer hedge]

That means you saved us with reposting that😭

There is no drama

Thanks for resending though

@topaz flare

[outer hedge]

@spark burrow

Review

[spark burrow]

💔

I'll do it later

[topaz flare]

🤭🩷

[fierce fjord]

I HAVE RETURNED

[topaz flare]

Welcome back 💕

[rough idol]

@fierce fjord sorry its late also why did you delete it..?

[fierce fjord]

well it is still here

and i was banned lol

[rough idol]

oof- why

also could u send it again

[fierce fjord]

they forgot to remove my previous strikes

[fierce fjord]

@rough idol

[rough idol]

thanksss

[rough idol]

its so good i love the last part and the way the person kept reassuring was so sweet

[fierce fjord]

Tyyy

The person is me btw

[rough idol]

awhhh ur partner is very lucky if u have one

cuz most ppl go and it is js broken promises js hate that

[fierce fjord]

I never saw this but I hope you find one who keeps their promises!!

[torpid ruin]

*I never saw this

but I hope you find one who

keeps their promises!!*

- emperorlandon

[shut flax]

wait whar happened to the poem

[rough idol]

thank youuu you tooo

[fierce fjord]

I never saw this sorry, It was deleted whenever I was banned, but moon was nice enough to save it and bring it back!

[shut flax]

how did you even get banned in the first place

just asking

[fierce fjord]

previously i got strikes for having ai poetry for my old poems(this is one of them but i rewrote is anyway, even tho i never used ai) and i was muted for 3 weeks, but then i got unmuted PROVING that i dont use AI, but they never removed the strikes, and then i got strikes for begigng people stars, insulting a staff member, and suspected use of alts. I was banned because of the rpevious strikes, joined back with a weeklong mute, then got unmuted. so basically all my punishmnets were almost mistakes but my mistake was asking people for stars and insulting a staff member prevoked might I say

would you like to see a more recentr poem of mine?

[outer hedge]

Bro did everything possible

[fierce fjord]

😭

[fierce fjord]

@autumn quiver

[autumn quiver]

It was deleted?!?

[azure shoal]

Wonderful! @autumn quiver has just progressed to level 3!

[autumn quiver]

https://tenor.com/view/burn-muppet-elmo-feu-enfer-gif-9486925285976103980

[fierce fjord]

its right here @autumn quiver

[autumn quiver]

It’s absolutely beautiful as expected. I would predict nothing more or less from you but you exceeded expectations! Way to go superstar!

[fierce fjord]

tysmmm!!!!

[autumn quiver]

No problem!😉 That’s what friends are for Superstar! Encouraging each other so keep them coming!!!

[fierce fjord]

yesss omg

[autumn quiver]

lol 😂 love the hype!