Still, while all else turned.

[dark acorn]

please leave feedback if you have any!! ☺️

<@&1145760802666717234> <@&1144090752457113794>

[tribal robin]

Review ! !! !! ! VV By - Keyari ⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

Strengths VV

You have a really good excel in blending emotional memory with seasonal elements

“you were my autumn. a soft, golden dream.”
“candles, gleaming in the snow.”
“a leaf suspended, mid descent.”

This really gives the poem a painterly quality - cinematic and slow like a soft snowfall at dusk there's depth not just in meaning but also mood

You have a seasonal metaphor which is sustained, layered and slowly evolving each stanza deepens this metaphor

Winter: stillness, silence, pain.
Autumn: warmth, decay, beauty.
Wind/snow: fleeting yet transformative love.

This also works well as a metaphor for a love that didn't last but mattered immensely

Your voice is clear and emotionally vulnerable. The quiet heartbreak is palpable it's not loud pain but more an enduring ache and the tone is soft but powerful and doesn't feel forced or overdramatic

Improvements VV

Maybe use occasional punctuation where it feels absent but where natural pauses are needed

“you healed it.
you etched yourself deep into my life,
like initials in wood-
not a word said, yet still understood.”

Try to stay consistent on if you want strict punctuation or not

There are moments where the imagery or lines feel repetitive — not in a poetic refrain way, but where it slightly weakens the impact.

“you arrived in winter, but you were always my fall” — this line is stunning, but it has already been hinted at earlier

“you turned my world quiet / between the quiet of falling leaves...” → slight redundancy with “quiet.”

Overall: 9.3/10 (Mb I was tryna kill a fly and it took longer than expected)

[dark acorn]

extremely appreciate this, also must say very good way to give criticism, i also felt that it did feel repetitive in some aspects, will definetly work on that for my next poem, and thank you for the positives of the poem!! but overall, definetly a great way to do criticism and feedback, good pointers too and will all be worked on, thank you!!!!

[fickle pagoda]

Wonderful! @dark acorn has just progressed to level 2!

[tribal robin]

Thank u !! You have a-lot of potential if you ever wanted you can @ me in anything you do and I'll try to help you (I don't do this since I feel shy doing it).. I go through poetry-feedback-help quite normally tho so I'll probably review it either way