crude cradle
In the middle of the night
I lay awake
Patiently waiting for daybreak
Then I hear the sounds of a fight
People cheering
Whilst some are screaming
But yet I lay there dreaming
Wishing I was dying
Though I know it won't last
I know it'll keep going
The river shall continue flowing
But then again, it's all in the past
crude cradle
A few suggestions
1.) add punctuation to ensure a good flow
2.) the 3rd stanza get rid of “but” from the “but yet” it’s an unnecessary word
3.) the last line could be its own stanza
open lava
A few suggestions
1.) add punctuation to ensure a good flow
2.) the 3rd stanza g...
I agree with that, but I mostly want to comment on what you did correctly as well, I like the emotional message, and its a relatable experience as well, everyones woken up in the middle of the night, and reflects sometimes. But the emotional message is beautiful, its relatable, and that's something you always want your reader to feel is validated. Good job, nice poem!