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#⚔The Anguishing World⚔ — Chapter 1 | Honor & Legacy
humble adderBOT
drowsy dune
lotus i'm deleteing this acount ping me at this one from now on
skating enthusisast
lmao..priorities
did it
ooops
wait
hahahaha
slow summit
Even tho i read only two pages but this is GOOD
wise jetty
wow this line is poetry, the light as a moral compass and a sword that judges WOWW I’m obsessed.
the power stuggle in this 10 words wow
and this is so character defining. a king who jokes but demands respect is so chef’s kiss
If I had to pick one page that wrecked me i gotta say its pg 7 (Hollenreste reveal). bc the weight of legacy, the gorgeous armor lore, and Malachi’s “Goodbye, Father” to the moon...CRYINGG
honestly, keep writing, atp this isnt just a story, it’s literally a future classic.
i dont mind 
humble adderBOT
@zinc rivet is now following @wise jetty.
humble adderBOT
@wise jetty is now following @zinc rivet.
terse hillBOT
wise jetty
hazy pivot
I am sorry for your loss, but i enjoyed the epic a ton
slow summit
@zinc rivet rating ♾️/10
terse hillBOT
drowsy dune
Great work @zinc rivet sorry got late was caught up in smth
brisk anvil
oh right
cool poem
rapid sparrow
@sinful island @wintry beacon @chilly quartz @tepid lily
@wise jetty @spice prairie
The people you pinged I already know😭
rapid sparrow
@tribal blade @dapper rover @drowsy dune @naive mesa
mighty sparrow
THATS SO COOL
mighty sparrow
<@1380286031483633744> <@1276300063374704662> <@456226577798135808> <@1358251855...
still dont ping me its fine 👐
rapid sparrow
@mighty sparrow
terse hillBOT
rapid sparrow
@rain field @near sky @steel perch
mighty sparrow
BLACK RANGER
ok maybe white man got the dark mode white will be inverted to black
naa ur too smart u clocked that i got dark mode on and it's inverted so u said white
smart brains
ofc your poem has to be good.
na chill dont make it bendy gaaaaaaaEEEEEE
im not no master 👐
faint glen
Not at all!!
Ill go out for a bit but ill definitely finish it once im home! Thanks for pinging me!
faint glen
ohh myy, this is really AN EPIC, i really dont have any words to say but some lines hit me with the imegary “Majesty atop a mountain great”, “mirrorred horizon”, and “sword and shield wielded through a mind impure”, just. w.o.w. and as a person whos really into space, The metaphor of “a blazing star he called his mother” and “moonbeam from his father” hits just the spot, this is not just a epic but a whole story that deserves a novel and a anime adaptation. The tragic story is represented so beautifully, may Malachi's soul rest in peace and surely he's in a better. AND Malachi's self-questioning (“Why does one deserve a piercing gaze...?”) roots him in both valor and reflection, and some of my personal favs- "Slay a foe and you live honor. Slay a thousand and you live a legacy.” this deserves a quote in a famous quote collection, and “Irony, the beating heart of innocents.” is just absolute cinema. Greatt work Landon!!
humble adderBOT
@faint glen is now following @zinc rivet.
@zinc rivet is now following @faint glen.
faint glen
You seem to have a LOT on your plate, just take care of yourself bud, we are not ready to get a hiatus from one of the servers fav poets, keep the ink bleeding, you got magic in your pen!
deep parcel
maybe another time, i really dont wanna dissect a whole chapter rn but if you have any poetry you want me to read i would love to
oh i only glanced and saw chapter 1 and jus assumed
icy shard
Oh my, I greatly enjoyed this!
Who would have thought the Lotus would write a short story some time?
And I also adore the german, makes me feel like I have the key to a secret code
And my condolences for your dear pup.
He must have been a great friend.
slow summit
If bro doesn’t publish he deserves to be executed do not rush and do not overdo or overwork write calmly and deeply you have all the time in the world until you die then you won’t have any time, but i have read 3 pages and it is absolutely an absolute masterpiece
cold kettle
Ngl this felt like I just watched a movie that left me with a cliffhanger... Lol even had to use google translate because I was that absorbed🤣....the mental fatigue tho
Then again, this story has a soul. It looks like the kind of piece where you definitely felt what you were writing (I mean I would
so I'm sure you did lol). Now back to praising😂... The lore is rich, the characters aren’t just names since they have weight
I like the Maalachi more. He’s strong, wise, but still real (bro can fight and still talk deep lol).... I like that Leontiuos guy too since he's cool too ig, but we don’t know him well yet so still Malachi for me
Also ping in the next book
humble adderBOT
@cold kettle is now following @zinc rivet.
cold kettle
As fast as possible... (take your time tho so you don't rush it)
slow summit
Everyone loves a deep masterpiece
The only point in reading long books is because they should be a masterpiece i have read books above 1000 pages if it wasn’t a masterpiece i would drop at the title
Nah
I am not christan but i would like to read it
left apex
Review !!! By - Keyari ⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
Sorry to bother your conversation ...
Strengths VV
You create a rich fantasy world with unique names and cultures/and lore. And you also blend in mythic imagery to set a grand epic tone. And you also use a somewhat archaic style which suits it well. Phrases like “His fury Shown,” “a melody that let his mother set in tranquillity,” and “the Queen of the nights” have an almost mythic, lyrical quality !! You use compelling symbolic elements (e.g., sword and Armor, moonlight, celestial bodies, light vs darkness) that enrich the thematic undertones about honour, legacy, and struggle.
Also the story is quite good since it hints at deep emotional ties for example malachi's relationship with his parents especially the father figure and the tragic backstory of Leontius gives layers beyond just politics and battles and makes the characters more relatable and their motivations clear
Improvements VV
Random capitalization is distracting (e.g., “Without hate, Without war, without severity”). Standardize capitalization only for proper nouns or beginnings of sentences. Also, some punctuation is missing or misused, like commas and dashes, which hurts pacing silly guy ! Use Grammarly also sometimes it's unclear who's speaking or reacting in long paragraphs with mixed narration and dialogue. You should use dialogue tags more frequently
And also alot of exposition is told directly rather than shown through action or dialogue but I'm sure when you make another chapter you'd do this. And also some paragraphs feel jumpy or abrupt like shifting from malachi's introspection to the mysterious voice in the forest.
Overall: 9.2/10 
Also the entire thing is like 8,000 characters long so yeah..
slow summit
I have never read any holy texts completely except the Quran (i did not finish it either)
elder citrusBOT
I have never read any holy texts completely except the Quran (i did not finish i...
Wonderful! @slow summit has just progressed to level 3!
slow summit
Review !!! By - Keyari ⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖
Sorry to bother your conversation...
Never fails to amaze me with your reviews (your reviews are longer than the poems that’s how peak they are)
left apex
Replying to me at the same time 
slow summit
Yeah
left apex
Ur actually forced to read my poem now.. Rules are the rules
elder citrusBOT
Wonderful! @zinc rivet has just progressed to level 22!
slow summit
How about you?
slow summit
Peace be upon you
left apex
It's a common greeting in islam
slow summit
May Peace descend on you
I don’t understand what you mean?
Just greeting 😭
You don’t need to apologize i think in Christanity they say peace be with you sometimes
Yeah i know it was random just wanted to show respect
slow summit
As an author, you and i and who ever else who wants to be an author should actually know about cultures and perspectives i too love learning cultures and languages and i am happy to see someone who shares the same views and passion as me✨✨
left apex
As an author, you and i and who ever else who wants to be an author should actua...
Ay ay ay ay you're not getting out this you gotta read it aswell 🥀
Pretty sure that religion is jst for attention
elder citrusBOT
Pretty sure that religion is jst for attention
Wonderful! @left apex has just progressed to level 6!
left apex
No like
I really doubt anyone would worship the devil
And compared to every other religion
slow summit
I don’t want to disrespect them but if they disrespect me i am not pulling back anything 😭🙏
left apex
It's only been made more heard about in the recent 10 ish years
slow summit
Ay ay ay ay you're not getting out this you gotta read it aswell 🥀
Which one is it
left apex
Which one is it
#1382450937012027463
slow summit
Most Satanists are not even satanist
In the religion?
Yeah i have seen alot of people and most of them weren’t good
A person once called me narcissistic because i defended myself when they disrespected me😭😭
slow summit
They are gonna call you some names and trying to be victims then leave
terse hillBOT
slow summit
Not to be disrespectful to women or anything but most times those who argue with me are women
I just don’t know why😭i have never argued with a guy and he calls me narcissistic or those stuff
Then they cry? 😭🙏 they mostly start then cry
Nah maybe i am deep too deep for comfort
uncut leaf
ofc, I don’t mind at all sorry that i’m so late tho, was bust at the time. I love how you named/ wrote a story for your beautiful buddy Malachi, and I am sorry for your loss, he was a very beautoful pup. The story is pretty good, you had me in shock when you described how the father died in the story. And when you used the line “ it was as if escaping hell while enduring it” you shocked me just a little bc i wasn’t expecting that line to be used. Other than that I loved your beautiful tribute to Malachi thank you for pinging me & sharing this with me can’t wait to see your other work!
humble adderBOT
@uncut leaf is now following @zinc rivet.
uncut leaf
man I don’t mind how good it isn’t (at least from what you think). I try to look for the message & the emotions poured into tho poetry mostly
but if it needs tweaking & if i can think of a way to help then i do tend to make suggestions😅
oh, well there is no harm in that. I like to read for fun sometimes lol
terse hillBOT
zinc rivet
Repost cuz i was banned...
raven torrent
Repost cuz i was banned...
will read later
zinc rivet
@untold hamlet
untold hamlet
why was you banned?😭
untold hamlet
<@1144827037463367703>
also, my attention span...
it's dying
THIS IS ONLY BOOK 1
zinc rivet
will you tell me in DMs? 👉 👈
yes haha
untold hamlet
Okay, I read the first few pages
It's really dense
it's very ambitious but also quite hard to read
the elevated language can sometimes make it hard to follow
The heavy use of metaphor and allusion might benefit from occasional grounding in clearer plot points or character development to help maintain reader engagement.
In terms of structure, the flow is consistent, but some sections could use more concise expression to balance poetic flourish with readability.
I don't really like reading epic poetry, I'm going to be honest (The only ones I can bear are Homer The Iliad and The Odyssey)
even those were a bit of a struggle
(especially when Homer spends a chapter just listing everyone's dads 🙄 )
I actually used a quote from the Iliad to introduce an essay I wrote about violence and protest
“Achilles' wrath, to Greece the direful spring of woes unnumber'd…
Declare, O Muse! in what ill-fated hour sprung the fierce strife, from what offended power?”
I really latched onto the "offended power" line for my thesis
zinc rivet
The heavy use of metaphor and allusion might benefit from occasional grounding i...
thank you for the feedback!
untold hamlet
(especially when Homer spends a chapter just listing everyone's dads 🙄 )
HE ACTUALLY DOES THAT
HE LISTS EVERY SOLDIER, THEIR DAD AND WHERE THEY'RE FROM
zinc rivet
HE ACTUALLY DOES THAT
😂😂
slow summit
I don't really like reading epic poetry, I'm going to be honest (The only ones I...
Read divine comedy
It’s amazing
untold hamlet
Read divine comedy
Oh I have read that actually
slow summit
Oh I have read that actually
Did you like it?
untold hamlet
Did you like it?
so, I'd say yeah overrall
though it is just self-insert fanfiction about dante's favourite poet and all his least favourite people burning in hell
near flower
WHOAH BOOM
near flower
wow this line is poetry, the light as a moral compass and a sword that judges W...
@zinc rivet GREAT LINES VRO
VROOM VIROOP BOOM
zinc rivet
Repost cuz i was banned...
@near flower did you see the poem was here?
it was deleted when i was banned lol but here it is if you didnt see it and thak you!
near flower
Repost cuz i was banned...
the idling knight makes me giggle
zinc rivet
Oh im sorry and condolences
thank you bro