on gods that call it sin:

[lyric tinsel]

the things you say that dont make sense to me,
your hair over your eyes like a secret.
the way you look at me so very intensely,
the rock you gave me and your voice telling me i could keep it.

your hands around my neck
your cowboy boots
your kiss or just a peck
your southern roots

the nickname you sing like a hymn,
the promise that is our inside jokes.
the freckles that litter your skin,
your voice in my bed when i woke

[kindred flume]

Omg I luv thisss

[lyric tinsel]

THANK YOU SO MUCH IT MEANS A LOT!!!!!

[kindred flume]

ywwwwwwwwwwwww

I wrote a poem that i posted js before this if u wanna check it outt. (obvy u definetly dont have 2)

[glad minnow]

I love the poem but here

The things you say don't make sense to me.
Your hair over your eyes is like a secret.
The way you look at me very intensely.
The rock you gave me, your voice telling me to keep it.

Your hands around my neck.
Your cowboy boots--
Your kiss or just a peck.
Your Southern roots.

The nickname you sing is harmony.
The promise is our inside jokes.
The freckles that litter your skin.
Your voice in my bed when I wake up.

@lyric tinsel

Some grammer corrections and yeah

I tried and the poem is very good:3

[kindred flume]

bruh js let it be 😭

things improve overtime ✨

[glad minnow]

😭 I know, it just sum suggestions or some😭 my feedback aint that well done yk

[kindred flume]

lol

i wrote anoder one but i havent posted it yet

[kindred flume]

Grammar* grammAr

Not grammEr

hehe

[glad minnow]

lmaoo

[kindred flume]

wanna hear my new one?

[zenith belfry]

Wonderful! @kindred flume has just progressed to level 1!

[lyric tinsel]

thanks for the corrections! im curious as to why you changed the lines: "The nickname you sing like a hymn" and "your voice in my bed when i woke" as it nolonger rhymes?

[glad minnow]

is hymm? harmony?

[glad minnow]

because I woke? what do it really mean when you woke? its better to see wake up because the voice in your bed right?

[lyric tinsel]

no, hymn, like a religous song

[lyric tinsel]

okay, ill work on that line, again thank you so much for the feedback!!!

[obsidian creek]

*okay, ill work on

that line, again thank you so

much for the feedback!!!*

- mag.gxt

[glad minnow]

oh? well thats nices, Im sory if I misunderstood

[glad minnow]

no problem, your doing good so far, you can improve:3

https://tenor.com/view/bubu-dancing-dance-happy-dance-bubu-cat-gif-13759391442761662032

[nocturne root]

This is pretty good for a first poem

I think it rather uniquely encapsulates the muse of the poem quite nicely

I mean I obviously I'd like revise the grammer at some point

but there's nothing else bad to say about this

It's a cute lil poem that captures these special moments you have with the person

[twin breach]

I love the poem! It's unique! The imagery is good! I especially like the imagery, metaphors and your poetic language!! I like the tone of the poem as well! I like the rhymings in the second stanza!! Well done! For a first poem it's really good!!! But everything has it's flaws too! Like the structure and flow are bit off and it gives dreamy feel, I can feel the longing and missing someone but I think this has more potential one day you can refine it and add more emotional depth so the readers can actually feel connected to the poem!! but for a first try you did really really really well! Overall the poem's good!!💗💗💗 You have great potential! Keep writing buddy!!!(*≧∇≦)ﾉ💗

Ping me in future I would like to see your journey of growing as a poet!!

Btw I just have one question! What is the meaning behind the title of the poem? I kinda don't get how it is related to the poem! Like you mean love is like a sin in gods/ppl eyes?? Would really like if you cleared it up!

To me this poem seems like 'recollection os memories'!

[glad minnow]

or Recollection of Love

[lyric tinsel]

thank you so much for the feedback!!! so the meaning of the poem probably isnt that clear because i dont mention that were both boys, but thats intentional. its meant to make you wonder "in what way is this a sin?" but its about how being gay is a sin in some peoples eyes. again thank you so much for the feedback and compliments.

[lyric tinsel]

thank you!!!

[twin breach]

No worries!! 💗💗 now that you said it all, I get the poem! Before I was confuse but now I get it! Whoaa now this makes so much sense!!! Before I really wondered alot and I was like why is this choosen as a title, that doesn't make sense but now that I know the menaing, it actually makes so much sense!! And your welcome✨️💗 keep it up!!

[hallow venture]

So

Would you like the dead honest feedback

Or the kind one

Choose wisely

[glad minnow]

you wanna hurt they feelings chill

🙏

[hallow venture]

No