Hollow

[dusk summit]

@scenic raft

[scenic raft]

OMG 😭 ITS BEAUTIFUL!
I LOVE THE LINE "why must i always be the one who reaches,
When all I get are broken, empty speeches"
Its so relatable 😭

[blazing cipher]

Wonderful! @scenic raft has just progressed to level 2!

[dusk summit]

Thanks!!

[scenic raft]

Dont delete it gurllll it's amazing

[dusk summit]

Lol thnxx

[dusk summit]

@upper flicker

[upper flicker]

FRRR

I RLLY LIKED THIS ONEEE

it captured how someone feels always having to work for it when others don't how it feels js one sided

[dusk summit]

Thanxx

[wispy wave]

Your poem has a really raw and relatable feeling of frustration and exhaustion, which comes through clearly. To make it even stronger, I’d suggest breaking up some of the longer lines to improve the rhythm and give key emotions more space to breathe. For example, the last line feels a bit crowded and could be split to heighten its impact. Also, swapping “broken empty speeches” for something a bit less formal, like “words,” “promises,” or “lies,” might fit the emotional tone better and feel more immediate. Since you repeat “Why must I always be the one…” twice, you could vary the phrasing the second time to keep the reader engaged without feeling repetitive. Overall, small tweaks in line breaks and word choice can make your message hit harder without changing what you want to say

[dusk summit]

Mhmmm I see I'll do smth bout it thnx

@wispy wave thanks for ur time

[dusk summit]

@north flint

@inland bobcat

[north flint]

wow just 8 lines

interesting

[dusk summit]

@sinful saddle

[north flint]

crazyyyy

[dusk summit]

Hehe thnx

[north flint]

that was very good I can probably never say so much in just a few lines lol

I feel like there are some grammatical errors in the last two lines though

[dusk summit]

🙂

[north flint]

rest is fire

[dusk summit]

What errors can u pls tell?

[inland bobcat]

I think the second last line is better off "I'm tired of feeling unseen"

[north flint]

trying of feeling
unseen of
these seem incorrect

[north flint]

yeah

[dusk summit]

The last of is for the next sentence

[north flint]

then it would be better to write it this way
"I'm tired of trying, of feeling unseen -
fighting for something that's never been." @inland bobcat ?

[dusk summit]

Mhm sounds good to me

[north flint]

use punctuations for better flow.

and clarity

[sinful saddle]

wow this is amazing bro

this is really relatable

[dusk summit]

Thnx mate

[sinful saddle]

i really love this one

great poem man

[dusk summit]

Thankyou

@north flint is it alr now?

[north flint]

yups.

[inland bobcat]

Nah the first part is not needed before the comma

It's filler

[north flint]

whaa?

[inland bobcat]

Its better as, "I'm tired of feeling unseen"

[north flint]

i'd rather not delete the words tbh. There's a reason why "trying" was also written. It adds more depth

[dusk summit]

Yes

I wanna write smth happy

Now

[north flint]

as long as its something unnecessarily redundant, don't suggest deletion of words

[dusk summit]

I've a lot of stuff will post it shortly i joined yesterday soo not doing it soo earlh

[inland bobcat]

Not really

Let the reader feel

Don't make it too obvious

Don't add fillers

[dusk summit]

It does in my opinion

[inland bobcat]

If you feel it's a crucial part of your poem, then be my guest 😁

[north flint]

one writes poems for themselves, not others unless explicitly asked for. What the readers feel is just a way of knowing how others think. Everyone can interpret things differently. The essence of the poem kinda dies if the writers tries adhering to reader's likes and dislikes

[dusk summit]

So true

[inland bobcat]

Just gave my opinion dw