Phantasm Dusk

[meager axle]

@bitter sentinel @olive yoke @regal palm @visual patrol @manic token @frail phoenix @thin mason @fervent ether

[visual patrol]

Cyan tagged me

[meager axle]

I saw people do it/tag people^^ So I figured it allowed to tag others aswell?

[visual patrol]

You can 😄

[meager axle]

I see!, Well What you think of the poem?

[visual patrol]

Give me like 1 hour

[meager axle]

Okay^^

[sleek rain]

This usually isnt my style but i liked this a lot and it was very well written!!

[olive yoke]

I like it!

[sleek rain]

⚠️ DONT PING ELINOR SHE IS SCARY⚠️

[meager axle]

Thank you:3

[meager axle]

Thank you!:3

[meager axle]

:3

[olive yoke]

No I'm not

😈

[sleek rain]

lol

Also Zixuane soem advice is to cherish stars because getting 8 will put them on the starboard which gives it more attention. It isnt technically a hall of fame but tbh its often treated as something special yk

[meager axle]

@edgy bone @fierce juniper @weary dawn @brittle sphinx @hollow wasp @median rampart

[meager axle]

Im new to this poetry server kind of stuff, I dont really know the starboard stuff

[sleek rain]

thats why i am telling you haha

[olive yoke]

"One single position of poison" doesn't make sense

"Tearing me down as I go"
Nah doens't suit the rhythm
"It was finna trick me" eh would be better if you don't mix in talking in english with writing in English if yk what I mean
"Out of thin ashes"
"INTO thin ashes"

Overall can be better but I see grammatically mistakes and eh the structure needs to be better but if that's your style don't mind my words

[meager axle]

That just how I write, One single position of poison means that it hit the wings of the person, destorying it as they go

Its a mystery

Its among

@olive yoke

[olive yoke]

Could've been portrayed better

It's confusing

[olive yoke]

Well it appears rather dissatisfying to me

You can try having a better vocab

[olive yoke]

This is where you're lacking behind my friend

None of this starboard stuff matters

Whether it is to gain attention

[sleek rain]

Zixuane i warned you 😂😂😂

[sleek rain]

does to me lol so quiet down

[meager axle]

I dont really care, Shes not really dangerous to me

[slate river]

Wonderful! @meager axle has just progressed to level 2!

[olive yoke]

Don't beg people to give you a star lol

It's completely residing on them whether they want to or not

[sleek rain]

i never beg i only ask

its their choice

[olive yoke]

If they like it well enough, they'll do it automatically

[olive yoke]

There's no need for that either

[sleek rain]

incorrect a lot of them dont know, especially newer members

stop talking to me like your veiws determine mine

[olive yoke]

Don't fear me I only speak facts

🤓

[olive yoke]

I hardly see newer members

[sleek rain]

then youre blind or not paying attenton

[meager axle]

Um Im new to discord and all

[olive yoke]

Zamn bro you going personal?

Well it's a pity

[olive yoke]

you're an Exception my friend

[sleek rain]

no blind is not literal

[meager axle]

I dont understand

[olive yoke]

Well then you mean it in the metaphorical sense of

Or

[sleek rain]

yep

[olive yoke]

Yeah I see, but why does the starboard matter to you sm lol

Aren't you happy with the reviews you get back?

[sleek rain]

i am, thats why i want the starboard because as soon as its on there i get more reviews and if not then it undoubtably increases its aura points

[olive yoke]

Well basically the starboard is a place where your poems are posted if you manage to get 8 stars from people. Now many people take it more literally and make it their life goal that each and every poem of theirs need to be a masterpiece. In the process they forget the main reason they started writing for in the first place that is for themselves

[olive yoke]

That's...okay lol. I just don't want you to yap like an ai to people to give a star. I as your friend feel bad. If it's for newer members that's good and all, but don't do it for everyone

Cause in the real publishing area you can't really do that

[sleek rain]

In no way do i act like an AI, a friend would respect other peoples interests, and i can still ask people if i want to

[olive yoke]

I just feel bad seeing it lol, could be me tho

[sleek rain]

and its not like i ask everyone if they say its alright or they like it i am certain i dont ask but if they say they love it then i ask

[sleek rain]

that is ur own issue

[olive yoke]

Ehh well

As you wish my friend

[olive yoke]

No it's my own opinion

[visual patrol]

it's nice, i like the ending and imagery

[meager axle]

Thank you^^:3

[surreal mason]

This is a very good describing poem @meager axle the vocabulary is good and the sonnet. Very impressive for your first poem, im impressed.

[valid mica]

Lovely😭

[meager axle]

Thank you!

[meager axle]

Thank you:3

[sleek rain]

I didn't even know this was your first poem lol you did a lot better than me

[regal palm]

Solid first poem but I do agree with a lot with Elinors takes and I think if you tried polishing it up a bit (Add spacing between lines, stick to a consistent word bank e.c.t.) you'd have something really good on your hands but even as it is for a first poem I've seen a lot worse (Lord knows mine was)

[olive yoke]

We all start at some point

[bitter sentinel]

very well written i love this one

[manic token]

beautiful poem

thanks for tagging me

[hollow wasp]

very interesting. Your vocabulary is strong and ngl it took me a few rereads to understand lol. But just in case can you summarize this poem?
Apart from that you can focus on punctuations for a better flow. Dividing into stanzas can also help

[hybrid hatch]

these are amazing and the vocab is perfect

[meager axle]

This is a sonnet

[meager axle]

So for short this is a sonnet about an angel being stuck in a darkness full of paranormals, then one of them soon to be someone the angel knows but it remains unknown(Why? Its yall thoughts on what yall think it might be)

[meager axle]

This is a sonnet and this is how I write my poems:3

[surreal mason]

intersting, i like the topic honestly😭 Its good and creative

[random pivot]

*intersting, i like

the topic honestly😭 Its

good and creative*

- uziano_urrito

[hollow wasp]

lol I got to know just now what a sonnet is. Thanks