#TAKE THE WHEEL

15 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

strange imp
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I threw my backpack as soon as I got home. I loaded up “Hey You Pikachu!” on my sister’s gamecube. Enchanted by the white spiraling dots, I’d break free and try to look away. Pretend I didn’t care if it loaded, as if it’d happen quicker.

An innocent, funny belief.

A woman pushed the corners of her mouth unnaturally high with her cheek muscles as her husband came home. Tonight, she looks upon her husband as beautiful as a full moon. But it comes in phases. A reflection of his dark side, a purple crescent made it so hard to direct her face muscles into that onerous pose. Gazing back down into a cooking pot, her peripherals ignored the moonglade of her purple craters. She focused on the white bubbles of gargling water that danced on her reflection.

The kid didn’t move a muscle. He stared into the gun’s black barrel- two pupils locked, neither daring to blink. Fixated on its stillness, as if his vision alone could keep the bullet sleeping in its chamber. The gun blinked, and their white irises met, in a flash.

The skinny, shoeless feet of children slapped a soccer ball in a field of dirt. When the ball and net collided, dust and cheers filled the air. The kids smiles, white enough to strike envy in the whitening strip smiles of American women. But, it’s hard to stain teeth if you never have any food. Harder yet to focus on an empty gut when you’re focused on a ball. They cheered in as much unity as the growling of their stomachs.

A deer will run until it’s hooves bleed. But humans, when encountering the hopeless, seem to withdraw. Let go, and trust in something greater. Cruise control, Jesus, time, the universe- anything but ourselves- to take the wheel.

sand dew
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i am dumb i dont understand please explain to my child worm brain

remote meteorBOT
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*i am dumb i dont

understand please explain to

my child worm brain*

strange imp
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The first part is a lighter and easier to digest example and i wrap it up in the last bit

sand dew
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It is quite a beautiful prose

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simply magnificent

strange imp
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Thank you! :)

ivory rivet
# strange imp Essentially these are vignettes of how sometimes when people encounter overwhelm...

thats honestly quite interesting. The first example caught me the most, you gave a relatable " silly " shared belief a deeper meaning just now and that's just bizarre to me. Your work is great! I love the message, what it entails, and how it resonates in reality with even the simple moments.

One small critique I would say though ( if you don't mind ) it might be better to swap the third vignette with the fourth, as it might give a better flow instead of confusion. But then again, maybe some confusion is what you're aiming for to get readers thinking so it's also fine as it is. I just think a more comprehensive sequence will make it easier to digest the message and allow the lines to become more extreme with each passing paragraph. Besides that, amazing work. 🍮

strange imp
ivory rivet
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glad to have read it

strange imp
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And actually yeah it would be better pacing because it would match really well with the last bit about “a deer will run until its hooves are bloody”

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Thats a great suggestion actually thank you

ivory rivet
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no problem 👍