Can this be called a ballad
#Detachment
fallen python
potent dagger
This is definitely a balllad its got musical elements just from reading it
hoary flint
The language you used is quite befitting of a ballad and you have majority 4 line stanzas.
Stanza one follows an ABAB rhyme scheme and sets the stage for the story.
Stanza two has a ABCB rhyme and adds to the story.
Stanza three doesn't seem to follow a rhyme scheme, yet still carries the story and adds depth.
Stanza 4 has a rhyme scheme of ABAB and adds depth to the story through a time aspect "all those years" details that the story was a long and unfleeting one. In the phrase "I've longed for you" really gives us a view on what the "speaker" [for lack of better word] really feels
Stanza four has a near rhyme with line 1 and 3, 2 and 4 however not quite.
You've followed the most important part of a ballad, that being the story element. Your rhyming seems to compromise at times for sake of the language used, essentially trading story for rhyme. But it's got rhythm. I think that it's a beautiful poem and if this is a reacurring theme in your poems....✨️please continue sharing your poems✨️
I would say it could benefit from the rhyme scheme being cleaned up, but it doesn't necessarily need it.
I know that feedback is not very concise, my apolagies
fallen python
This is definitely a balllad its got musical elements just from reading it
Understood, thank you!
fallen python
The language you used is quite befitting of a ballad and you have majority 4 lin...
I'm taking notes✏️📒
Thank you!! This is very helpful and much appreciated! Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and write a feedback
fallen python
I would say it could benefit from the rhyme scheme being cleaned up, but it does...
Understood
fallen python
*I know that feedback is not very concise, my apolagies*
No no, you explained it well. I'm grateful!
hoary flint
I'm glad it was of use to you. I am happy to analyse/critique any time.
fallen python
I'm glad it was of use to you. I am happy to analyse/critique any time.
Lots of love
hoary flint
fallen python
The language you used is quite befitting of a ballad and you have majority 4 lin...
If it's alright, I have a question. Let's say I can't think of a rhymes befitting the story, should I prioritize the narrative over it? Like, would it be alright if it doesn't rhyme?
hoary flint
I'm sorry, but I am going to have to answer your questions in the morning [morning for me?] As I have to go.
fallen python
Oh, that's definitely alright. Good night!
hoary flint
If it's alright, I have a question. Let's say I can't think of a rhymes befittin...
It completely depends on what you want for that poem. If you are writing a poem with the aim of writing a ballad then you'd want to make sure the rhyme scheme is a bit cleaner. However if you wanted to prioritise the narrative, I don't see much friction with prioritising the story. I mean ballads are poems that follow a story, and you've got that aspect well covered.
fallen python
It completely depends on what you want for that poem. If you are writing a poem ...
Understood, thank you so much!
fallen python
