eternal sundial
Two years have gone, and time feels thin,
Your memory folds beneath my skin.
You haunt my breath, my voice, my sight—
A shadow stitched into my light.
It once was you whose autumn eyes
Would rain beneath October skies,
But now it’s mine that spill the pain,
A heart that sees this eternal rain.
How love has changed—do you recall?
We bloomed, then watched the petals fall.
And now I weep, and dawn feels wrong—
The light is gone, but grief lives on.
static raptor
I'm not normally a fan of rhymed verse but I really like this one! It avoids feeling derivative. If I'd suggest anything, I'd tighten the pacing in the second set to really land the emotion.
covert sable
The last line in the second stanza does throw off the rhythm ever so slightly, since there's two extra syllables. May I suggest replacing "this never-ending" with "eternal"?
eternal sundial
The last line in the second stanza does throw off the rhythm ever so slightly, s...
Ooo thats rlly good, i didnt even realize it threw off the rhythm ty
fallow lilyBOT
Ooo thats rlly good, i didnt even realize it threw off the rhythm ty
Wonderful! @eternal sundial has just progressed to level 1!
eternal sundial
I'm not normally a fan of rhymed verse but I really like this one! It avoids fee...
How would I tighten it? Sorry new to poem writing