#Tba draft!! (psYchotic RAiN)

16 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

rapid saddle
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Sticks and stones May by break my bones
And snakes may slither , and flowers may wither.
But to you dose it differ , or is it exhausted like your liver?

I know you know your way around the bar
Because I was there waiting in the car
But alas, you’re drunk at 3 AM asking to pick you up.
The only thing you have to say is “sup”

Early morning, grabbing coffee
Late nights, grabbing Chinese
Said I was sweet like toffee
Before you called me a Putrid disease

I don’t know why you are the way you are
You never really care to say
Which is quite funny and bizarre
(Hence why you made me pay)

But later on, I only saw you on the tram
You would always whisper “oh damn”
Making me feel full of shame
Like I was the one to blame

You talk about respect and honor
But your a disgrace, a goner
People abuser cause you are a tool
Dressing like a king acting like a fool

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@limpid shadow

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Wrote a diss poem and thought you might like it!

rapid saddle
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@onyx drum @brazen sinew @pine finch

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<@&1144090752457113794>

rapid saddle
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@elder herald

elder herald
# rapid saddle Sticks and stones May by break my bones And snakes may slither , and flowers may...

Okay first I really like the way you write ! The theme is nice and I like the vocabulary !
The rhymes are very well and sometimes broken(but that adds something)
"Sticks and stones May by break my bones
And snakes may slither , and flowers may wither.
But to you dose it differ , or is it exhausted like your liver?"
I really love this one , the vocabulary is rich and the rimes are perfect , I think its my favorite.
"I know you know your way around the bar
Because I was there waiting in the car
But alas, you’re drunk at 3 AM asking to pick you up.
The only thing you have to say is “sup”
I reallly like this one two its very pretty , the rimes are simple but just work !
The others are nice too but those are my favorite, the rimes are there all in the poem.
But in the 4th para we're you change the rhymes and do "ABAB" it made me kinda lag and then I understood
This is very good although I like it a bunch !
(Sorry for the short feedback I need to go)

onyx drum
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💀

rapid saddle
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Thanks I really appreciate the feedback. It’s really helpful!

rapid saddle
rapid saddle
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@brittle crest mind giving you opinion on the poem

brittle crest
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Oh Damn

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This is great man

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Yo the imagery is fire and it looks like a rap too

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Great poem man