#idk what 2 call it but it's 4 a class

11 messages · Page 1 of 1 (latest)

nocturne veldt
#

all dark yet bright
this once holy place
stripped of its sacred light

souls of the scorched haunt thee
but for what crime, i plea
it is not i who can set you free

i long for the past in this haven
the opera and praise
our celebration to your resurrection

is this my punishment from thou who art divine?
if be it so,
i forbid you from this ardor, for it is mine

my faith was weak
devotion to you, none but bleak
but for them it reached the peak

my weak mortal gleam will be
the one to strike you
the axe that will level yourself to me

spiral pagoda
#

@spiral pagoda saving

nocturne veldt
spiral pagoda
# nocturne veldt huh

That means I'll save it for later-
I put this poem to my little queue.

  • my time management is horrible so it will take a while sorrrryyyy
nocturne veldt
hearty wharf
#

This has great imagery and there’s a really strong base to start with. It’s theme isn’t strong throughout, and I’m not sure what you’re trying to invoke in the reader. It starts with imagery and theme that kind of makes me think of a forgotten, haunted church. But then you throw in opera that sort of throws off the theme. I’d also just slightly caution against overly flowery vocabulary because it can be counterproductive to the theme. It pulls the reader out of the piece

#

“ardor” is just a bit awkward

nocturne veldt
errant mirageBOT
#

*didnt wanna use

the word "soul" again so i

used a substitute*

- aftokrat0r
nocturne veldt
#

reason it may have good imagery though is because i usually write stories instead

#

doesn't really have a theme but i think i made what it's abt clear