Last night I dreamed

[woeful tiger]

Last night, I dreamed
I dreamed I climbed to the top of joy
I dreamed I reached the bottom of despair

I dreamed of people
And of places
I dreamed of family
And of home

I dreamed of a new formed heart
Polished and shiny
Whole and gleaming

I dreamed of wounds
Arrows piercing that heart
People shanking that mind

I dreamed of hypocrisy
I dreamed of truth

I dreamed of fixations
And of attachment

I dreamed of goals
And of achievements

I dreamed of loss
I dreamed of gain

I dreamed I could steal
I dreamed I could give

Yesterday I dreamed
So that today, I might live

[lime harness]

Here to peek , your poem has a kind of simplicity that could work if it felt more intentional, but right now it reads more like a list than a poem. The repetition of “I dreamed” sets up a rhythm, but it starts to feel tiny bit flat because the images don’t build on each other or evolve, they sit next to each other. But you do have some interesting contrast (joy/despair, steal/give), but it’s not doing enough to make me feel those shifts, I know you can do it, i see glimpses of it. I’d say, dig deeper, give me more specifics, more tension, more why behind these dreams. Let me feel the chaos or beauty of what you’re seeing, not just read the summary if ya get what I’m saying.

[woeful tiger]

Thank you, that actually helps alot

[sick elk]

yess, like chels said, i really think you could build on each "i dreamed" youre saying! it gives more depth and allows the reader to feel a lot more. i think chels has already done a wonderful job talking about the main points of the poem, so i haven't much else to say
good work though, i really did like the poem, and i liked the way it tasted on my tongue too!

[woeful tiger]

Okay, don't mind the almost 2 day span, but I just got the time to work on it and I got this

Last night, I dreamed
I dreamed I climbed to the top of joy
And I stayed there a while
Then I dreamed I fell, to the bottom of despair
Forced to make my way back

I had dreamed of people
And of places greeting me
I dreamed of family
And of home holding me

I dreamed of a new formed heart
Polished and shiny
Whole and gleaming

I dreamed of wounds
Arrows piercing that heart
People shanking that mind

I dreamed of hypocrisy
binding a soul
I dreamed of truth
Leaving the spirit

I dreamed of fixations
And of attachment

I dreamed of goals
And of achievements

I dreamed I could fail
I dreamed I could try

Yesterday I dreamed,
I dreamed that what wasn't a dream
I dreamed what was life

[signal gull]

Wonderful! @woeful tiger has just progressed to level 1!

[lime harness]

this version def feels stronger, you’ve started to pull those images into more of a journey, and I can feel more of that rise and fall you hinted at. The shift from climbing joy to falling into despair actually lands now because you gave it a bit more space to breathe.

that said, you’re close, but I still want just a bit more from the contrasts. “I dreamed of fixations / And of attachment” is fine, but it doesn’t hit as hard as what came before it. Maybe give me a specific fixation? Something that latches on, something real.